Dribin'

[Doc Nebula]

So.  Back in March I took some driving lessons my wife had given me for my big Christmas present this year.  In early April I got my license.  For the very first time, I mean.

All of this, at the age of 51.

A few weeks ago, we got serious about looking for a car for me.  We had a pretty firm budget of around $2500.  A look around various local lots saw us collecting a great many incredulous looks, plus a few weak chuckles from various salespeople. 

However, a friend/acquaintance who has fallen on hard times and who has been selling off pretty much The Everything for quite a while was selling a red '97 Grand Am for a price well within our range.  As my wife wanted to help this woman out if possible, everything seemed to fall into place.

We looked at the car, drove it around the block.  The friend was forthcoming about difficulties she was aware of -- an oil leak, and the fact that the engine fan would not automatically start up when it was needed; she had jury rigged some kind of wire to the battery that she needed to put in place every time she drove the car.

We took a mechanic with us -- a friend of a friend -- and he looked it over and assured us he could fix everything for $200.  Of course my wife did not know to ask him if that included both parts and labor, and I should have known, having had a friend who was a mechanic in the now distant past, but did not think of it.  (I am privileged to be married to one of the most overwhelmingly competent human beings on the planet, and it makes me lazy.  Her blind spots are few, and I always come upon them unexpectedly.  I just presume she is omnipotent and omniscient, and this is not always true.) 

So, anyway, we bought the car and my wife and her friend went through all the hoops of getting it registered and getting it delivered to the mechanic's house and then we went on vacation for a week.  And yesterday we went over to pick up the car.

Turns out, first, that the $80 part my wife bought when she turned the car over to the mechanic does not come out of the $200 quote.  His quote was for labor only.  Well... okay.  My bad, I should have asked him more questions up front. 

But, more annoyingly, his initial announcement that he could fix the glitch in the engine fan was... well...  overconfident.  Turns out, the glitch is a short in the wiring, and to actually fix that short in the wiring would be a $500 repair.  So instead, he installed a little metal switch down below the ignition.  This switch turns the fan on and off.  If I don't remember to turn the fan on when I start the car, I risk burning out my engine.  If I don't remember to turn the fan off when I turn the engine off, I risk flatlining my battery.

So, no pressure there.

The 97 Grand Am also turns out to be a 99 Grand Am, which means nothing to me but is apparently significant in some way.  Also, I am told by various people who have seen the car or who are knowledgeable about cars that this is a 'cool' car.  To me, it looks like a shiny red compact car with a glaringly incongruous looking spoiler on the trunk, but, whatever. 

I had to drive the thing home from the mechanic's, as my wife was driving our van.  My wife pulled out and waited to let me follow her; I assumed that (a) she had left enough time for me to pull out too, as per oncoming traffic, and (b) when she had backed it into the mechanic's driveway after test driving it herself, she had straightened the wheels. So I wound up bumping over the curb, which meant I needed to slow way the [fuddle-duddle] down, so I did not get out in time, and had to brake dramatically or pile into an oncoming truck, which laid on its  horn at me (no doubt justly).  And I am very grateful that I was not in the same vehicle as my wife when I did this, as she, like most ultracompetent people I have known in my life, has little patience with those who are less competent than she is. 

But that did not do anything to fill her with confidence as to my ability to competently pilot this vehicle.  (She bought me driving lessons after trying to teach me to drive herself and discovering she had no patience for it, nor any capacity to relax and trust me to make mistakes and learn from them.  In the situation I have detailed above, I got into a bad mess by not trusting my own judgment and not casually, as a long time driver would have, making sure the wheels were straight before I tried to drive out onto the road... but I did what I needed to and both I and the car survived.  But to my wife, this is simply evidence that I am inevitably going to total this car and/or kill myself with this car.)

Anyway, after that I followed her back, mostly on a freeway, and had no further incidents.  I parked the car out back, and this morning, I went out, backed out of my parking space with no problem, and drove the car to work.  I work a long way from my home, so this was an interesting experience.  I had little actual difficulty, but did discover that intersections are more complicated than they look from the passenger seat.... you can be tooling along in the correct lane and all is well with the world and then you get to an intersection and suddenly you're in a turn only lane with seven vehicles piled into the lane you really needed and thought you were in, and those vehicles get mad when you ignore the turn light, wait for the green to go straight, all the while signalling that you need to get over, and then pull out and over and proceed in front of them.

Also, when you make a last second correction to get into the proper lane to go left, and someone behind you was trying to come around you to get in that lane, it doesn't matter if you were signalling to go in that direction, they get really mad at you, too.

Despite all this, though, and despite the fact that the gas tank is on the passenger side instead of the driver's side like every other vehicle I have ever put gas in, I managed to gas up this morning and get to work alive and in one piece.

Hopefully the drive home will go more smoothly and as successfully.

This dribin' stuff is not for the faint of heart.

[Buster's Uncle]

You'll get good at this a lot faster than I did as a kid, what with your superior adult reflexes and judgment.  The key is to not get hurt or break anything while you get needed experience under your belt.  The problem at your current stage of expertise is that your hands and feet don't know what to do without you thinking about it consciously.  In the meanwhile, try to avoid distractions when you're driving - avoid having passengers, mostly; risk only yourself while you're still practicing to gain competence, and having someone to talk to really hurts the quality of your concentration - and drive timidly, like an old person, until you find driving things happening right without you really trying.  The consequences of mistakes are considerably lessened at low speeds - driving at the average speed of traffic around you on the highway is safer if traffic's heavy, but start and stop conservatively, and take your time in the parking lot.   Coast to a stop as nearly as you can, and things like that - it also saves gasoline.

Repeat; stay focused always while you're training your hindbrain to take care of the details automatically.

I would guess that about 3 months of regular practice ought to do the trick.  You made it through Basic Training, so toughing this time out will be nothing by comparison.

[Doc Nebula]

I shouldn't sign up for a stock car trial, then?  Because people keep telling me I have a 'cool' car.

[Unorthodox]

I can only smile. 

Imagine having to drive a semi.  Did that for 8 years.  It gave me a whole different outlook on driving than the normal person.  I've been in...lessee...6 or so accidents.  1 was my fault.  4 I saw coming and could only stare helplessly.  2 I should not have walked away from.

A semi decided he wanted my lane, and there was not a thing in Hades I could do to stop him.  I remember seeing the massive tire in my side window, lug nuts digging into the door, ripping off the mirror, at freeway speeds.  Natural panic reaction, I pulled to my right into the emergency lane, and the left front tire blew (the semi must have somehow caught it too), which threw me back into the freeway, and out of control.  I ended up backwards on the emergency lane on the left side of the freeway, driving in reverse to avoid more collisions.  Cop witnessed the whole thing, and had called an ambulance before I had stopped, figuring I was dead.   Had it been summer, I'd have had the window down and my arm out, and probably would have lost an arm. 

The other I shouldn't have walked away from, I was at a stoplight and the semi behind me had lost his breaks.  Between him blasting his horn giving me enough warning, I took off through the intersection, dodging traffic, he wiped out two cars in the intersection before rearending me.  Some miracle of my hitting the gas in time to get some motion and him hitting the other cars before me prevented him from obliterating me. 

.... you can be tooling along in the correct lane and all is well with the world and then you get to an intersection and suddenly you're in a turn only lane with seven vehicles piled into the lane you really needed and thought you were in, and those vehicles get mad when you ignore the turn light, wait for the green to go straight, all the while signalling that you need to get over, and then pull out and over and proceed in front of them.

Salt lake is HORRIBLE for this since putting in the stupid light rail line, and very little warning when the lane is to become a right/left turn only. 

They get mad because what you are doing (changing lanes in the intersection) is illegal IN MOST STATES (as well as canada), there's some goofy laws out there in a couple (CA) that allow it, and some even goofier intersections that even mandate it.  At the very least, it is inconsiderate and bordering on unsafe.  What I do when I find myself in that situation is go ahead and make the right hand turn, find a spot to turn around (or just head around the block) and get back on coarse. 

Also, when you make a last second correction to get into the proper lane to go left, and someone behind you was trying to come around you to get in that lane, it doesn't matter if you were signalling to go in that direction, they get really mad at you, too.

People consider blinkers to be a challenge in most states.  The only place I've ever seen routinely allow me IN on a blinker was Seattle.  And I apologize to whoever had to deal with me driving up there, your maze of one way streets really need to be indicated as one way on the road atlas...

[Doc Nebula]

Oh, I understand why they were mad and that I was at fault.  And I hope to master intersections very soon.  Like, by the time I get home again tonight. 

But this stuff is much harder than the general intelligence level of many of those who I see doing it every day would indicate.

[Unorthodox]

Let me know when you master intersections, then I'll bring you over here where we have fun ones that require you to drive on the left side of the road among other hilarities.  I don't know that I'll ever "master" them.  Last year they changed the signals for left hand turns here, without warning, just oh, look new light, what in the pits of Duzakh does THAT mean? *crash* 

[Buster's Uncle]

But this stuff is much harder than the general intelligence level of many of those who I see doing it every day would indicate.

People mostly drive very stupidly, IMAO.

But that's strategic.  Operating the vehicle itself is so easy your subconscious learns to do most of the work.

[Unorthodox]

One of the reasons I always preferred a standard.  Keeps you a little more engaged.  Too bad they are all but a thing of the past. 

[Buster's Uncle]

A standard?

[Doc Nebula]

Shift/transmission.  As opposed to an automatic transmission.

[Buster's Uncle]

When you're learning, a stick's just another complication making it more complicated.

[Unorthodox]

Bah.  I think everyone should be required to learn on a standard, there's a lot there that applies to driving an automatic that you don't learn otherwise. 

[Doc Nebula]

I think my car should fly, have a cloaking device,  and a plasma bolt projector, but nobody listens to ME.

[Buster's Uncle]

That's because you're screaming it in Klingon.

[Doc Nebula]

I've long wanted to write a STAR TREK something or other in which I reveal that there is a Ferengi-like race that lives inside secret warrens within the walls of every Klingon starship and city.  And it is this Ferengi-like race that actually designs, builds, and maintains all 'Klingon' technology.

The Klingons, you see, actually believe they conquered and 'enslaved' this race, long ago...