Social Isolation among Men

[Dio]

I have been interacting with people from diverse backgrounds in a men's support group. I have had some great conversations with those people, but many of those conversations never extend beyond superficial interactions. How might men with children, jobs, and other factors of life continue forming deep connections with other men from early adulthood into middle adulthood? How would you handle backlash from a woman that might disagree with a man having close friendships with another man?

In regards to question number two, some women in my life expressed negative opinions on my maintenance of close friendships with other men for social support.

[Geo]

Maybe that's because they feel entitled to your attention instead of having it to share with new friends?

[Dio]

Maybe that's because they feel entitled to your attention instead of having it to share with new friends?

You probably asked the correct question. I will decide whether to ask for clarification on this topic.
 
My guiding principle on men's friendships involves men's maintenance of a stable social group outside of a marriage or committed relationship. Many of the people from the support group, friends, and my family drifted from friends in adulthood under the demands of children, marriage, and jobs. This erosion of the men's social networks over time left them with fewer social support options outside their significant other's social network and created difficulties in the men's establishment of new social networks later in adulthood.

[Unorthodox]

You’ll have to define “deep relationships” for me a bit. 

Everything about any relationship is about balance.  The only resource in your life you truly have full control of us your time.  Use it wisely.  Which relationships do you need to build more at any given time.  Allow those in your circle time to be themselves as well and recognize their needs may differ from your own at any given time. 

I’ve been married now, lord, 1995.  I’ve had many different friends of both genders over that time with various activity levels with said friends. So has hEt. We don’t need to be together 24/7 and trust each other enough that the friendly relationships don’t cause problems, but it’s a long road built a step at a time to get there and recognizing the fact that THIS relationship is the primary one when conflicts come up. 

[Unorthodox]

https://www.psypost.org/2022/09/boys-and-men-experience-more-social-isolation-than-girls-and-women-study-finds-63947

The dependent variable, social isolation, reflects a summary index of social connection across numerous domains, including romantic relationships, family and friends, and the community. The primary independent variables were gender, age, and partnership history (i.e., married/cohabiting, stably partnered, ever disrupted – including widowhood, divorce, disrupted cohabitation). The researchers adjusted analyses for education level, race/ethnicity, and self-rated health.

Interestingly, study found isolation amongst men lowest in those with a stable relationship history.  So perhaps counterintuitively, getting married and making it work might actually provide more social stability outside of just the marriage. 

[Dio]

https://www.psypost.org/2022/09/boys-and-men-experience-more-social-isolation-than-girls-and-women-study-finds-63947

The dependent variable, social isolation, reflects a summary index of social connection across numerous domains, including romantic relationships, family and friends, and the community. The primary independent variables were gender, age, and partnership history (i.e., married/cohabiting, stably partnered, ever disrupted – including widowhood, divorce, disrupted cohabitation). The researchers adjusted analyses for education level, race/ethnicity, and self-rated health.

Interestingly, study found isolation amongst men lowest in those with a stable relationship history.  So perhaps counterintuitively, getting married and making it work might actually provide more social stability outside of just the marriage.

Thanks for the information on the protective effects of marriage on people's social connectivity from a psychological perspective.

One of my biggest motivations for the creation of this post and participation in the men's support group arose from my personal experience with exposure to historical sources on the extent of Americans' historical participation in social organizations and Robert Putnam's observations in Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community on American men and women's shrinking participation in social organizations and reduced number of friendships. Americans through the 1940s survived through the assistance of mutual aid societies, fraternities, and other cultural organizations. Americans within the last seventy years experienced a reduction in the number of friends and personal confidants outside of a marriage through the rise of television, the internet, and other technology. Some men received further stigma for seeking friendships with other men and connections in fraternities from family, friends, and significant other because some family, friends, and significant others perceived the mere mention of friendship between men as "gay." While marriage often provided significant benefits for heterosexual men, American men often socialized in groups, rarely addressed men "face to face," and possessed fewer close connections compared to American women. Some married heterosexual men also relied on their wife for access to their wife's social networks and connections beyond the shallow connections heterosexual men formed in sports groups and other group activities.

The stigma against men forming connections with other men influenced my mention of interactions with people on this forum to other people because some Americans cannot fathom healthy and asexual communication between men.

Source:
Putnam, Robert D. Bowling Alone : the Collapse and Revival of American Community. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2000.