Nik's getting married

[Rusty Edge]

Congratulations, Nick! You make a cute couple.

My wife and I didn't meet until we were both over 40, but sometimes everything feels right in a good relationship, and long courtships and engagements can just as easily be signs of doubt, as they are proof of certainty. Don't let that bother you. We didn't.

At some point in my 30s I began surveying couples about what they thought the meaning of marriage was in a single word. I got answers like love, companionship, friendship. Probably the best answer was "commitment", which seems sort of obvious on the surface, because it's closest to a definition. But the reason they gave that answer was because they were committed to the marriage as their #1 priority for better or worse.

About 10 years into my own marriage I revisited the question. My answer is "teamwork" .
Each of us is always willing to clean up after the cats, do dishes, take out garbage, etc. when it needs done and we notice it, or are asked. The same with covering for the spouse while they have to do something else. Anything and everything for the good of the team, because what's good for the marriage is good for me. It's a mutual gratitude and respect that comes from knowing you are more together than apart.

I think the most underrated of all marital skills is "tongue biting" -  knowing when to bite your own tongue and not reply with something hurtful about your spouse, their career, their friends, or their  family when they have had a bad day and snapped at you. It's way easier to sort things out if you don't escalate something next to nothing into a quarrel that uses intimate knowledge of personal vulnerabilities for  advantageous personal attacks that undermine trust in the relationship.

I know, it's human nature to counterattack. Maybe even reflex if you have siblings or bullies. But it works better to try and apologize or otherwise smooth things over at the time, and bring the subject of the smudged mirror or loud tv or whatever the flashpoint  was another day, when you're both relaxed enough to work it out. There are lots of ways to solve conflicts- equal compromise, coin toss, negotiation,  taking turns, third party, win-win approach, or something creative . Every couple finds their own way. Remembering Solomon and the baby, a 50/50 split isn't always the best answer.

That's about all I have to add on the subject.

That's all I have to add.
God Bless you both!

[Buster's Uncle]

Hey Nik - I was just looking at the large version of your avatar, and I'm not fishing for complements or anything, but I really enjoy seeing it put to good use, and it looks great.  That pleases me.

How's the engagement going?

[Buster's Uncle]

Offered without comment: http://apolyton.net/showthread.php/211975-I-m-getting-married%21-Tomorrow%21-D

()

[Nikolai]

What? :p All I write there is true, but the posters Le Fiancee and La Fiancee might or might not be who they pretend to be.

[vonbach]

Congratulations. 

[Nikolai]

Thanks.

[Unorthodox]

So, how was the October wedding?  Little bit jealous at that...though as much fun as one would be, it would ruin my other fun.  I supposed I could be talked into MAKING a *unique* wedding at some point if it come down to it. 

And where did you honeymoon? 

I KNOW there are some wedding pics...

[Nikolai]

Heh. Well. First of all, it ended up not being Oct 24th. My wife got herself a serious case of prolapse in her back during the summer, and this only got worse. The operation she needed got scheduled to be in October earliest, so in worst case the wedding could not be done due to this, in best case she would potentially be too ill for it. Her maiden of honor were going away on a mission trip in mid August, so we looked for alternatives around that time, and a priest I know offered to do it August 13th. So we planned and executed the wedding in less than two weeks. Quite the feat, but it went very well.

She then got her surgery moved up to mid September of course. There were no honeymoon, not yet at least. She was mostly bed ridden for the first few weeks, and are still not 100%. She has also had to operate away her gall bladder this week, so now she has that too fixed. The problems with what to eat was tiresome for her! We plan to have a honeymoon some time next year.

As for wedding pics, have these from facebook:

[Unorthodox]

Ooo, church wedding?  Building appears to have some age to it. 

August is good luck.  (August 10 here)

So, is the medical stuff all related/a condition, or just bad luck/timing?  Hope she gets well soon.

[Nikolai]

Church is not that old really, around 100 years I think. But yeah, had to be a church wedding, with us being christians and all.

The medical stuff is just bad luck mostly. Gall bladder came October last year, before we met. She's been waiting for treatment since. Prolapse was due to a combinatiuon of a childhood accident and a personal trainer that said she would take that into consideration when Astrid went to her, and who didn't take it into consideration enough in the end...

[Rusty Edge]

Nice pictures!

I hope you're both happy and healthy now.

[Nikolai]

Thanks!

We're very happy, and she's well on her way to get 100% again. Just a few more weeks.

[Unorthodox]

Church is not that old really, around 100 years I think.

Hey, 100 years would put it right up there amongst the oldest buildings in Utah. 

[Nikolai]

I live in the old world, remember. 100 years is almost new.

[Unorthodox]

Looked it up, the Salt Lake Temple (if not the oldest, certainly the most famous building in Utah) was dedicated in 1896, so just 120 years old.  I'm sure there are a smattering of meeting houses older than that, but it would be 10s of years at most. 

My son's singing down there with his school choir at some point this Christmas season.  Considering going to take pictures just because. 

Often wonder what being around such history would be like, barely been outside the Western US. 

Which flavor of church, btw? 

I've been disappointed with the brand spanking new Catholic building near my house.  It's always LOCKED! 

I'm used to being able to go in them and admire the lovely architectures and windows and etc.  (one of my pass times on business travel)  The PINK! cathedral in Flagstaff Arizona is especially nice.