posted 12-21-98 03:08 AM ET            

Fnord?

Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without
the herbs.

Fnord is that funny feeling you get when you reach for
the
Snickers bar and come back holding a slurpee.

Fnord is the
43 1/3rd state, next to Wyoming.
Fnord is this really, really tall
mountain.
Fnord is the reason boxes of condoms carry twelve
instead of ten.

Fnord is the blue stripes in the road that never
get painted.
Fnord is place where those socks vanish off to in the
laundry.
Fnord is an arcade game like Pacman without the little
dots.
Fnord is a little pufflike cloud you see at 5pm.

Fnord is the tool the dentist uses on unruly patients.
Fnord is the
blank paper that cassette labels are printed on.

Fnord is where the buses hide at night.
Fnord is the
empty pages at the end of the book.

Fnord is the screw that falls
from the car for no reason.
Fnord is why Burger King uses paper
instead of foam.
Fnord is the little green pebble in your shoe.

Fnord is the orange print in the yellow pages.

Fnord is a pickle
without the bumps. Fnord is why ducks eat trees.
Fnord is
toast without bread. Fnord is a venetian blind without the
slats.

Fnord is the lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the
lint in the navel of the mites that eat
the lint in Fnord's
navel.

Fnord is an apostrophe on drugs.
Fnord is the bucket where
they keep the unused serifs for H*lvetica.
Fnord is the gunk that
sticks to the inside of your car's fenders.
Fnord is the source of all
the zero bits in your computer.

Fnord is the echo of
silence.
Fnord is the parsley on the plate of life.

Fnord is the sales tax on happiness.
Fnord is the
preposition at the end of sixpence.

Fnord is the feeling in your
brain when you hold your breath too long.
Fnord is the reason
latent homosexuals stay latent.

Fnord is the donut hole.

Fnord is the whole donut.

Fnord is an annoying series of email
messages.
Fnord is the color only blind people can see.

Fnord is
the serial number on a box of
cereal.

Fnord is the Universe with decreasing entropy.

Fnord is a naked woman with herpes simplex 428.

Fnord is the yin without yang.
Fnord is a
pyrotumescent retrograde onyx obelisk.

Fnord is why lisp has so
many parentheses.
Fnord is the the four-leaf clover with a missing
leaf.

Fnord is double-jointed and has a cubic
spline.
Fnord never sleeps.

Fnord is the "een" in baleen whale.

Fnord is neither a particle nor a
wave.

Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your
screen.

Fnord is the guy that writes the Infiniti ads.
Fnord is the
nut in peanut butter and jelly.
Fnord is an antebellum flagellum
fella.

Fnord is a sentient vacuum cleaner.

Fnord is the
smallest number greater than zero.
Fnord lives in the empty space
above a decimal point.

Fnord is the odd-colored scale on a
dragon's back.
Fnord is the redundant coin slot on arcade
games.
Fnord was last seen in Omaha, Nebraska.

Fnord is the
founding father of the phrase "founding father".
Fnord is the
last bit of sand you can't get out of your shoe.
Fnord is Jesus's
speech advisor.
Fnord keeps a spare eyebrow in his pocket.

Fnord invented the green hubcap.
Fnord is why doctors ask you
to cough.

Fnord is the "ooo" in varooom of race cars.
Fnord uses
two bathtubs at once.
Fnord is the itch you can't scratch. Fnord is
the sound of one hand clapping.

You might see a fnord if you read this sentence again. Fnord is that one "ignosecond" of time just before you hit the DELETE key on the wrong document. Fnord is the "somewhere" in
"Somewhere a dog barked,". Fnord is the center of an onion. Fnord is the thought you were thinking when you think, "I don't know what I was thinking." Fnord is the joke God played on
man when he gave him a brain and a penis but only enough blood supply to use one at a time.

I cannot escape
them
No matter how I try
They wait for me everywhere
I cannot
pass them by.

Driving down the street
I see "Jesus Is Lord"
And
then immediately after
I hear the word "FNORD!"

Innocuous
sayings and parables
And on the evening news
I hear the word
"FNORD!"
And suddenly I'm confused

I sit alone in my room
And
I'm feeling rather bored
I turn on the tube and guess what
I hear the
word "FNORD!"

"Don't see the fnords and they won't eat
you"
That's what I've heard the wisemen say
But I can't get away
from those beasties
There's just no ****ing way.

posted 12-21-98 04:01 AM ET            

Ah well, here's a little Eris story I stole:

I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess. And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.

But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints, and sometimes there was only one. And the times when there was only one
pair of footprints, those were my times of greatest trouble.

So I asked the Goddess, "Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"

She replied, "I never left you. Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot." And lo, I was really embarassed for
bothering Her with such a stupid question.