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Author Topic:   The ashes (cricket that is)

Brother Greg posted 12-13-98 11:52 PM ET
Well, what the hey, Australia is 4 for 253 at lunch on Day 4 of the 3rd test, an overall lead 417, with 5 sessions to play. Australia leads the series 1-0 already. So:
1. When will Australia declare?
2. Can England bat out for a draw?
3. After england was saved by the rain in the first test, lost the second test, and looks like losing the third test (or at best holding out for a draw), can they make a match of either of the last two tests?
4. Considering that noted Australian bunny Glenn McGrath scored more runs in the first innings than the entire English tail, can the English tail score ANY runs?
5. Can Alec Stewart score any runs?
My bets are:
1. Not at lunch, but sometime before tea.
2. Not bloody likely.
3. See 2.
4. See 2.
5. See 2.
SnowFire posted 12-14-98 12:03 AM ET
Wasn't the ashes stolen by Krikkits who needed it to unlock their planet from the Slo-Time shield? It was the Silver Pillar or something. Since it's already gone, I see no point in England and Austraila competing for some clever fake that you just think is the Ashes.
P.S. Very uncaring of you English chaps to name your game after a xenocidal alien race. Have you no sensitivity?
Tolls posted 12-14-98 08:06 AM ET
We are just SOOOOO crap!
At least we finally won a test series this year...
Oh, and I suppose England did break SA's winning streak in the rugby (and should've beaten the Aussies...)...
Still...
bum bum bum bum bum...
MikeH II posted 12-14-98 08:13 AM ET
Perhaps we should play them at soccer for the ashes.
MikeH speaking as he dances his rain dance.
Brother Greg posted 12-14-98 06:48 PM ET
Wel, knowing England's ability to lose all the important games, I think we'd even have a chance there. Though to be fair, Australia has an even worse record at losing the important games. Witness our being 3-1 up (with an away goal fromt he first game 1-1), playing at home in front of 80,000 at the MCG against Iran, with 10 minutes to go, and only having to let less than one goal in to qualify for the world cup.
What happens? Iran score twice in 3 mins to level the score at 3-3, and go through on the away goals rule. *SIGH*
Hmm, so thanks, but no thanks, we'll just stick to Cricket. Or League. Or Rugby (even if it was arsey). Or the Commonwealth Games.
And you just stick to soccer. And, um, soccer...
Shining1 posted 12-14-98 10:18 PM ET
1. ??? (happened after M.Waugh scored 50 - and wasn't booed off the pitch).
2. Ha ha ha ha ha. Nice one, Greg.
3. Yes. Odds are that Alec Stewart will kick some ass after this - even if he's been as disappointing as the rest.
4. See 3. The english just seem to lack that individual mental toughness - when one goes, they all do. But I'm picking that the long expected bit of mongrel will emerge soon.
5. And Captain? And Keep? Against the best side in the world currently (okay, S.A might disagree. Especially on the WACA. But my point stands). Who the hell died and made Alec god? What the hell was Illingworth thinking?
P.S Australian soccer has more demons than just about every other sport in the country put together - except perhaps basketball. There's just something supernaturally wrong with it. Until this is sorted out, you will continue to face horrible tactical blunders, unfair internation decisions, defeat by New Zealand ( ), ...
Brother Greg posted 12-15-98 01:41 AM ET
1. I was right. To quote those famous English Lyricists (is that a word?) "Two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil,..." (all to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne")
2. See 1.
3. Well, yet to see, we're talking about the future here.
4. See 1.
5. Well, he did get a 50 I suppose.
Still, 3 out of 4, not too bad all in all.
So, some new questions:
6. Will England sack John Crawley before the next test?
7. Will Alec Stewart bat lower than no 4 in the next test in a pathetic attempt to lighten his workload?
8. Will Australia win the next test?
9. Will Australia win the last test in Sydney as well?
10. Will rain be the only thing that saves England from a 5-0 series whitewash?
My guesses:
6. Pretty bloody likely.
7-10. See 6.

Shining1 posted 12-15-98 01:55 AM ET
6. Who??
7. Well, he's not likely to give up the gloves, so I'd say maybe number 7. Of course, there's always the chance of drastic changes - like a new keeper and Alec as a specialist opener, again. So who knows?
8 thur 10: No. But then again, Yes. And on third thoughts: OH YEAH.
"Ray Illingworth's a nutter."
MikeH II posted 12-15-98 07:30 AM ET
I think they should shoot any England batsman who scores less than 100 that would motivate them. (and any Australian who scores more than 1)
We could beat you at the 4 man bob sleigh and curling and snooker and indoor bowls and darts and.... that's a pretty pathetic set of sports isn't it.
BoomBoom posted 12-15-98 11:53 AM ET
I always wondered why england invents all sports, and then gets beaten at them after a while. Ok, I suppose they're the best at snooker (sometimes, there's also scotsmen and irish and thaiand stuff), and probably darts (eventhough I do think that a Dutchmen is world champion).
MikeH II posted 12-15-98 04:34 PM ET
First time anyone from mainland europe has ever won it but I was only saying we'd beat Australia
Brother Greg posted 12-15-98 07:17 PM ET
MikeH: "that's a pretty pathetic set of sports isn't it?"
Yep. LOL.
And I could throw in Netball, Hockey, Swimming, Golf and probably a few other sports which are internationally recognised.
I think it really says it all when our wicketkeeper is averaging more than all but one of your batsmen (Ramprakash). Hell, Damian Fleming, our no 8, and a bowler (no he ain't considered an all-rounder) is averaging more than all but Ramps, Thorpe (who went home) and Hussein. That's just plain pathetic.
And I bet England can't beat the Australian second XI when they play them this weekend. at best I reckon ghty'll hold out for a draw, though I think they'll get beaten.
S1: John Crawley. Batted no 6 in the last two tests. Averaging all of 9 after 4 innings. Has a problem with a huge gap between bat and pad.
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Author	Topic: The ashes (cricket that is)
Brother Greg	posted 12-13-98 11:52 PM ET Well, what the hey, Australia is 4 for 253 at lunch on Day 4 of the 3rd test, an overall lead 417, with 5 sessions to play. Australia leads the series 1-0 already. So: 1. When will Australia declare? 2. Can England bat out for a draw? 3. After england was saved by the rain in the first test, lost the second test, and looks like losing the third test (or at best holding out for a draw), can they make a match of either of the last two tests? 4. Considering that noted Australian bunny Glenn McGrath scored more runs in the first innings than the entire English tail, can the English tail score ANY runs? 5. Can Alec Stewart score any runs? My bets are: 1. Not at lunch, but sometime before tea. 2. Not bloody likely. 3. See 2. 4. See 2. 5. See 2.
SnowFire	posted 12-14-98 12:03 AM ET Wasn't the ashes stolen by Krikkits who needed it to unlock their planet from the Slo-Time shield? It was the Silver Pillar or something. Since it's already gone, I see no point in England and Austraila competing for some clever fake that you just think is the Ashes. P.S. Very uncaring of you English chaps to name your game after a xenocidal alien race. Have you no sensitivity?
Tolls	posted 12-14-98 08:06 AM ET We are just SOOOOO crap! At least we finally won a test series this year... Oh, and I suppose England did break SA's winning streak in the rugby (and should've beaten the Aussies...)... Still... bum bum bum bum bum...
MikeH II	posted 12-14-98 08:13 AM ET Perhaps we should play them at soccer for the ashes. MikeH speaking as he dances his rain dance.
Brother Greg	posted 12-14-98 06:48 PM ET Wel, knowing England's ability to lose all the important games, I think we'd even have a chance there. Though to be fair, Australia has an even worse record at losing the important games. Witness our being 3-1 up (with an away goal fromt he first game 1-1), playing at home in front of 80,000 at the MCG against Iran, with 10 minutes to go, and only having to let less than one goal in to qualify for the world cup. What happens? Iran score twice in 3 mins to level the score at 3-3, and go through on the away goals rule. SIGH Hmm, so thanks, but no thanks, we'll just stick to Cricket. Or League. Or Rugby (even if it was arsey). Or the Commonwealth Games. And you just stick to soccer. And, um, soccer...
Shining1	posted 12-14-98 10:18 PM ET 1. ??? (happened after M.Waugh scored 50 - and wasn't booed off the pitch). 2. Ha ha ha ha ha. Nice one, Greg. 3. Yes. Odds are that Alec Stewart will kick some ass after this - even if he's been as disappointing as the rest. 4. See 3. The english just seem to lack that individual mental toughness - when one goes, they all do. But I'm picking that the long expected bit of mongrel will emerge soon. 5. And Captain? And Keep? Against the best side in the world currently (okay, S.A might disagree. Especially on the WACA. But my point stands). Who the hell died and made Alec god? What the hell was Illingworth thinking? P.S Australian soccer has more demons than just about every other sport in the country put together - except perhaps basketball. There's just something supernaturally wrong with it. Until this is sorted out, you will continue to face horrible tactical blunders, unfair internation decisions, defeat by New Zealand ( ), ...
Brother Greg	posted 12-15-98 01:41 AM ET 1. I was right. To quote those famous English Lyricists (is that a word?) "Two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil, two-nil,..." (all to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne") 2. See 1. 3. Well, yet to see, we're talking about the future here. 4. See 1. 5. Well, he did get a 50 I suppose. Still, 3 out of 4, not too bad all in all. So, some new questions: 6. Will England sack John Crawley before the next test? 7. Will Alec Stewart bat lower than no 4 in the next test in a pathetic attempt to lighten his workload? 8. Will Australia win the next test? 9. Will Australia win the last test in Sydney as well? 10. Will rain be the only thing that saves England from a 5-0 series whitewash? My guesses: 6. Pretty bloody likely. 7-10. See 6.
Shining1	posted 12-15-98 01:55 AM ET 6. Who?? 7. Well, he's not likely to give up the gloves, so I'd say maybe number 7. Of course, there's always the chance of drastic changes - like a new keeper and Alec as a specialist opener, again. So who knows? 8 thur 10: No. But then again, Yes. And on third thoughts: OH YEAH. "Ray Illingworth's a nutter."
MikeH II	posted 12-15-98 07:30 AM ET I think they should shoot any England batsman who scores less than 100 that would motivate them. (and any Australian who scores more than 1) We could beat you at the 4 man bob sleigh and curling and snooker and indoor bowls and darts and.... that's a pretty pathetic set of sports isn't it.
BoomBoom	posted 12-15-98 11:53 AM ET I always wondered why england invents all sports, and then gets beaten at them after a while. Ok, I suppose they're the best at snooker (sometimes, there's also scotsmen and irish and thaiand stuff), and probably darts (eventhough I do think that a Dutchmen is world champion).
MikeH II	posted 12-15-98 04:34 PM ET First time anyone from mainland europe has ever won it but I was only saying we'd beat Australia
Brother Greg	posted 12-15-98 07:17 PM ET MikeH: "that's a pretty pathetic set of sports isn't it?" Yep. LOL. And I could throw in Netball, Hockey, Swimming, Golf and probably a few other sports which are internationally recognised. I think it really says it all when our wicketkeeper is averaging more than all but one of your batsmen (Ramprakash). Hell, Damian Fleming, our no 8, and a bowler (no he ain't considered an all-rounder) is averaging more than all but Ramps, Thorpe (who went home) and Hussein. That's just plain pathetic. And I bet England can't beat the Australian second XI when they play them this weekend. at best I reckon ghty'll hold out for a draw, though I think they'll get beaten. S1: John Crawley. Batted no 6 in the last two tests. Averaging all of 9 after 4 innings. Has a problem with a huge gap between bat and pad.