posted 04-23-99 12:27 PM ET        

Goob Challenge has begun, if you expressed interest in playing and you havenot been contacted as a player, do not despair, rather rejoice for you will be atumatically eligible for the bene4 challenge as well as Goob Challenge II - The Revenge of the Peacekeepers! "Were not the same old pansies!" says a Chaos Gun toting Pravin Lal.

The first Goob Challenge

is a blind research on, spoils on, Dierdre naked, Yang friendly, Borehole clustering blow out of a game. 2 thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert. ( Are Siskel's thumbs always up now, or is one up and one down?)

Follow along the adventures of the 6 wacky charismatic leaders as they try to tame Planet and maybe get lucky.

posted 04-23-99 08:55 PM ET            

Intelligence reports I have received recently speak of a nasty rumor running about my person, that hereby formally deny:

I DO *NOT* RUN NAKED IN THE TREES.

Any spy caught in the vicinity of my private gardens trying to prove the contrary will be mercilessly fed to my pet Mindworms, as I listen to his screams and watch his body twitch as my dear little grubs feed on his brains.

posted 04-24-99 01:45 AM ET            

On behalf of the venerable institution of the University of Planet, I am proud to report on our progress, and to greet you all formally. My salutations to you and your various peoples.

I am pleased to confirm that my research teams continue to achieve excellent results, at a quite phenomenal rate, considering how handicapped we are by the barren terrain and inhospitable conditions of this strange new world. There have been rumours of unrest at one or two of my bases, but I assure you all that these rumours are entirely false, and that my research personnel are fully committed to their work. The fact that I have found it necessary to recruit strong troop battalions is a mere coincidence, but one which I hope will help to defend my research programmes from any outside interference... not that the need will arise, I hope and trust.

I assume that you, my colleagues, are in agreement that the best way forward is for us to concentrate our efforts on research and the discovery of new and life-enhancing technologies. I am sure that nobody will disagree with me on this.

The highway of progress beckons and I look forward to leading you all along its path.

I remain,
Provost Nell of the University

posted 04-26-99 11:08 AM ET            

Harsh conditions at Sparta Command have strengthened Spartan Citizens to a level beyond that ever reached by a fighting force on Earth. Research has been slowed by these same conditions.

Factions wishing assistance in protecting their interests are asked to contact the nearest off duty Spartan Troops. The Spartan Faction takes no responsibility for any injuries resulting from attempting to talk to on duty Spartan Troops. Payment through research information is acceptable.

A demonstration of Spartan strength is available.

posted 04-30-99 01:17 PM ET            

The first concerns matters on the beaches near U.N. Headquarters where a photo shoot for Santiago's Secret Catalogue was violently ended when a Isle of the Deep off loaded a couple of mature boils. The Spartan models were able to hold off one of the boils by lauching flaming Zhakarov Cocktails from Wonder Bras lashed to fungal growth. The U.N. Peacekeeper guards appear to have been too distracted to have been of much assistance and the second mind worm over ran their positions, but retreated into the fungus instead of facing the militarily endowed Spartan Models.

The other breaking story is a comunique issued from the Gaian Ministery of the Interior, (GMI) which is as follows:

"CITIZENS RIOT AT GAIA'S LANDING. Disgrunted workers in the city refused to work the fields today. Unofficial sources close to the faction's leader, Lord Aredhran, hinted at a classified intelligence report that mentions the presence of unidentified enemy spies in the close vicinity of the Gaian
Headquarters. No official statement has been issued by the Gaian Authorities at this time."

Reports coming in from all the unidentified enemy spies in the vicinity show that they claim there are no unidentified enemy spies in the vicinity.

One reporter who tracked down an alledged enemy spy questioned the spy who responded,

- Who Me?
- Yes you.
- Couldn't be.
- Then who?

At that point the "spy" pulled out a black box and the transmission ended.

Unreliable reports point to elements of Human Hive seperatist movement, but when Chairman Yang was questioned he looked long and hard at the reporter and replied:

- Everybody here is happy.

And we could all tell he was telling the truth.

posted 05-01-99 01:15 AM ET            

Due to a regrettable resignation, a vacancy has arisen for a Senior Network Node Adminstrator at University Base.

Applicants are invited from any suitably skilled persons. Must be conversant with advanced encryption techniques and must also be able to maintain confidentiality.

Very important note: Previous applicants (and especially previous incumbents) need not apply.

Note: The UoP is NOT an equal opportunity employer. Preference will be given to applicants with an IQ rating over 160.

Applications in writing please to:
Provost Nell
University Base
University of Planet

posted 05-06-99 12:24 PM ET            

Spartan Rovers have been seen roving...
Gaian treehuggers were seen examining knot holes for squirrels...
True Believers are reportedly drinking wine from little cups and eating wafers in some sort of frenzy....
There are unconfirmed reports of Chairman Yang talking with Spartan Models about the "virtues of his particular 'social structure'"....
The university's Provost is considering augentation surgery...
Morgan Industries declares this the week of the Sweat Shop Worker and allows all underage employees to have an extra 5 mintes added to their personal time.
Finally Brother Lal has been heard asking new female residents "What is your Talent?"

posted 05-10-99 03:49 PM ET            

Enemies of the Spartans will be dealt with appropriately and forcefully. Friends shall be fiercely protected. The Spartan Federation is always ready to look after* your bases and units for you. Send your troops to train with the greatest military leaders on Planet!

Spartan Special Forces (the Spartan Specials) have discovered that Spoils of War is ON.

Ever Vigilant,
Colonol Bene, the 4th

posted 05-12-99 12:43 PM ET            

Pact of Brotherhood signed at Sunny Mesa Today !

It's on a beautiful day of MY 2158 that Gaia's Stepchildren, represented by their leader, Lord Aredhran, and the Lord's Believers High Priese, Shepherd MoSe, met at the top of the landmark known as the Sunny Mesa to sign a formal Pact of Brotherhood.

This comes as a happy conclusion to a situation that could easily have degenerated into a bloody war, as the Believers, finding themselves in extremely tight quarters, expanded by founding a new Church that ended up splitting Gaian territory in two.

The Gaian leader promptly responded by demanding the removal of this church, or it would be destroyed by his pet Mindworms. Long diplomatic talk followed, as most people know, and it ended up with the Believers promising to leave the snatched land to the hands of their previous owners, as soon as a suitable new Church site is discovered.

The two leaders had an excellent contact with each other, and both showed their good will by stepping down from their original demands, unwilling to begin a war that would be detrimental to both factions, and came to an agreement.

Lord Aredhran said "A Pact of Brotherhood between our two nations would undoubtedly strenghten us both, and thus I hope that your prayers to your Lord will enlighten you to the wisdom of my offer", to what the noble Shepherd of the Believers replied "Le vie del Signore sono infinite", meaning that he would follow the mysterious ways of his Lord.

posted 05-12-99 02:11 PM ET            

A Gaian Environmental Services Rover is pulled slightly of the beacon marked road. One Believer Personal Two-Wheeled Transport is propped up against an old fungal bloom, while another lies crumpled on the ground, apparently having been hit by the Gaian rover.

The driver of the Rover, a young man in the traditional Gaian purple and green jumpsuit is arguing with the two Believers who are wearing the missionaries dark pants and orange jacket.

-- "Dude, it is not my fault, you two came out of nowhere out of Fungus."

-- "Honored sir, if you had not been driving so fast you certainly would have seen us, we were clearly had the right of way."

-- "You were speeding like freakin' Peacekeepers trying to get out of the Fungus! Had you stopped at all, then nothing would have happened."

The two believers looked back to their road coming around the fungal patch, their faces pailing some what.

-- "Unlike you honorable Worm-Tamers we really don't like being near the fungus. It is not a holy place."
-- "Amen brother", the junior Believer breathed quietly.

-- "If you didn't travel in those stupid mo-peds there wouldn't be anything to worry about. Or carry one of these..." The Gaian reaches inside his Rover, the scent of some recently burned herb wafting out, and pulled out a Mark IV Burner. "These are top of the line to hold off the wild worms that won't listen to reason."

At the thought of any Worm listening to reason the two believers crossed themselves.

-- "The only thing harder than getting a bloody Mindworm to listen to reason is to get a Nature freak to listen to some..."

-- "I'll toast you right here, dude..."

-- "Quiet you two, this would be a good time to pray for our Lord's intercession and wisdom."

-- "I am not praying to your Lord, I walk with Planet..."

-- "And the Lord walks with you at the same time."

-- "Your Lord is dead and Planet is alive!"

-- "Our Lord breathes through your breath as well as mine, and when you stop breathing, the Lord will continue to breathe on."

-- "Dude, if I weren't so high right now I'd take your stupid "bike" and smash on your head."

-- "I have a question," the Junior member interjected, "when you're banging one of your tree hugging earth muffins does she yell 'OH Planet!' or 'Oh Mindworm'? Or does she not really yell at all because you can't get it up because your high?"

-- "You son of a... At least I'm not waggin' my willy at an Orange Orangutang!"

As the argument festered and heated, all three failed to hear the sensor warning of the local beacon, and the corresponding flashing light in the Gaian Rover.

Thus, as the Boil burst out of the fungus, annoyed by the petty arguments and hatred brewing among the three so close to its home, the Gaian and his trusty Mark IV Burner were not quick enough to fend off the Worm, though he was able to toast the Believers in an apparent effort to end their suffering before the worms burrowed into his brain...

PLanet

posted 06-01-99 10:29 AM ET            

The extended silence of the various faction leaders, has led to speculation amongst the common people at U.N. Headquarters. The most prevalent theory is "Well they are all quite busy being leaders and all. Get a clue. And get that Microphone out of my face you dork."

posted 06-03-99 10:26 PM ET            

Following a preposterous PBC News Report which suggested that my recent extended absence may have had something to do with my planning to have augmentation surgery, I would like to make the following statement.

There is absolutely no truth in the suggestion that I have spent the past two weeks in the Morgan "New You" Cosmetic Enhancement Clinic at Morgan Pharmaceuticals.

There is also no truth whatsoever in the scandalous rumours that I now require a trolley to support my incredibly generous bodily parts as I wheel myself from Network Node to Hologram Theatre. My 148" DDDDD bust is entirely natural and I resent any attempts to suggest that this magnificent feature of mine is the result of an investment of 2500 energy credits and 40 cubic yards of silicon rubber.

I have in fact spent the last two weeks gazing closely at a particularly interesting piece of fungus which I found at the bottom of my garden. And why not.

I remain,
Provost Nell of the University

Note to Engineering Team: If you don't hurry up with that super-support harness, I'm going to fall over again. And you know how much trouble that caused. So get on with it.

posted 06-04-99 01:19 AM ET            

Seeing as I have recently come into some extra energy credits, somewhat over 2400, and I seem to be experiencing a shortage of a kind of silicon rubber, I was wondering if there was anyone who could help me out.

I also noticed that the University was not leading in the Territory classification even though the Provost recently acquired some "huge tracks of land".

posted 06-30-99 02:22 PM ET            

PhatLady
Junior Civer posted June 29, 1999 02:03

************************************
SPARTAN GENERAL BROADCAST 2164
************************************
The Spartan Federation mourns the loss of the ever vigilant Colonel Bene, the 4th. He served his people with distinction and honor. A monument has been erected at the Federation Command Center where his body will be on display for three days. Following the time of public mourning the body will be incinerated, as is our practice, and the urn containing our beloved colonel's ashes will be encased in the base of the monument.
PhatLady
Junior Civer posted June 29, 1999 02:42

******************************************
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT
******************************************
SPARTAN GENERL BROADCAST 2164
******************************************
A new leader has been announced by the Spartan Federation High Council. General PhatLady will be our new glorious leader. Her rise in military power and rank has been noted by many. Starting her career as a Spartan Model she became well trained in undercover work and ranked expert marksman with the latest weapons. She continued her training with the Spartan Specials where she excelled in commando training. Most recently she has been part of our forces at Zena's Landing. It is there that she was promoted from colonel to general and given the news of her selection as Spartan Leader. Her first public announcemnt as Spartan Leader is expected after the time of public mourning for Colonel Bene has concluded.
[This message has been edited by PhatLady (edited June 29, 1999).]
cousLee
Civer posted June 30, 1999 05:59

Morgan Speedy Florist has sent several arrangements to Sparta Command for their mourning services, free of charge. The Fungal Bloom arrangements were much appreciated.

posted 07-01-99 04:04 AM ET            

Greetings from General PhatLady

posted 07-16-99 09:38 AM ET            

Gaia's Landing, MY 2173

Lord Aredhran, leader of the Gaians, proudly announced the completion of the project his scientists had been working on for the past 30 years or so.

"Thanks to the invaluable contribution of Shepherd MoSe's scientists and workers, whose insights allowed us to take tremendous leaps forward, our efforts have finally been rewarded.

posted 07-28-99 12:12 AM ET            

Our Spartan Navel Advancement Program is progressing right on target. Our first group of students are now entering an on board ship training. When their training is complete our SNAP forces will begin sea exploration.

posted 10-01-99 03:21 AM ET            

To the Morganite Liaison