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Author Topic:   Humour in SMAC

tOFfGI posted 03-16-99 02:22 PM ET
SMAC Moments that really got me cracked up:
The discovery of Retroviral Engineering, with the "Saddam" quote...
The Academician's private residences shall remain off-limits to the Genetic Inspectors. We possess no retroviral capability, we are not researching retroviral engineering, and we shall not allow this Council to violate faction privileges in the name of this
ridiculous witch hunt!"
-- Fedor Petrov,
Vice Provost for University Affairs
The Network Backbone Quote...
Of course we'll bundle our MorganNet software with the new network nodes; our customers expect no less of us. We have never
sought to become a monopoly. Our products are simply so good that no one feels the need to compete with us.
-- CEO Nwabudike Morgan,
Morgan Data Systems press release
and the Network Node Quote...
I don't know but I've been told,
Deirdre's got a Network Node.
Likes to press the on-off switch,
Dig that crazy Gaian witch!
-- Spartan Barracks March

Any others?
Imran Siddiqui posted 03-22-99 01:09 AM ET
Yeah:##Bioenhancement Center
#FAC30
We are all aware that the senses can be deceived, the eyes fooled.
But how can we be sure our senses are not being deceived at any
particular time, or even all the time? Might I just be a brain in
a tank somewhere, tricked all my life into believing in the events
of this world by some insane computer? And does my life gain or lose
meaning based on my reaction to such solipsism?
^
^ -- Project PYRRHO, Specimen 46, Vat 7
^ Activity Recorded M.Y. 2302.22467
^ TERMINATION OF SPECIMEN ADVISED
Giant Squid posted 03-22-99 01:20 AM ET
That's not funny so much as it's scary. Think about it. Or don't if your afraid of th
SPECIMEN TERMINATED
jig posted 03-22-99 01:54 AM ET
Some more...
##Applied Gravitonics
#TECH23
"What goes up . . . better doggone well stay up!"
^
^ -- Morgan Gravitonics,
^ Company Slogan
-----
##Nanominiaturization
#TECH42
Objects once measured in meters have become so small that they cannot
be seen by the naked eye, with revolutionary applications across
the board. Gentlemen, forget what your courtesans have told you:
size does matter!
^
^ -- CEO Nwabudike Morgan,
^ Morgan Industries Annual Report
Note: Half funny...
-----
##The Longevity Vaccine
#PROJECT14
I plan to live forever, of course, but barring that I'd
settle for a couple thousand years. Even five hundred would be
pretty nice.
^
^ -- CEO Nwabudike Morgan,
^ MorganLink 3DVision Interview
-----
##The Cyborg Factory
#PROJECT17
^ A handsome young Cyborg named Ace,
^ Wooed women at every base,
^ But once ladies glanced at
^ His special enhancement
^ They vanished with nary a trace.
^
^ -- Barracks Graffiti,
^ Sparta Command
------
##The Self-Aware Colony
#PROJECT25
Will we next create false gods to rule over us? How proud
we have become, and how blind.
^
^ -- Sister Miriam Godwinson,
^ "We Must Dissent"
Note: I doubt most people will see this as funny, but I do.
----
##Hologram Theatre
#FAC11
^ Richard Baxton piloted his Recon Rover into a fungal vortex and
held off four waves of mind worms, saving an entire colony.
^ We immediately purchased his identity manifests and repackaged him
into the Recon Rover Rick character with a multi-tiered media campaign:
televids, touchbooks, holos, psi-tours--the works.
^ People need heroes. They don't need to know how he died clawing his
eyes out, screaming for mercy. The real story would just hurt sales,
and dampen the spirits of our customers.
^
^ -- "Mythology for Profit"
^ Morgan Stellartots Keynote Speech
----
##Habitation Dome
#FAC25
^ I sit in my cubicle, here on the motherworld.
^ When I die, they will put my body in a box and
^ dispose of it in the cold ground.
^ And in all the million ages to come, I will never
^ breathe or laugh or twitch again.
^ So won't you run and play with me here among the
^ teeming mass of humanity?
^ The universe has spared us this moment.
^
^ -- Anonymous, Datalinks
Note: Use it as a pick up line.
Shining1 posted 03-22-99 02:50 AM ET
I'm surprised people haven't picked up on Yang's quotes yet - or am I misinterpreting them?
"It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks, and become one with all the people."
Makes you want to vomit, really...

Squid: Imrans one is a perversion of a plato quote, or something similar. I ended up ROFL after that one.
I have to admit, Morgan and Santiago definitely get the best lines in the game.
P.S does anyone else see Santiago's Orbital Spaceflight quote as a slap in the face to everyone who complained that SMAC didn't include colonization of other planets? "What these fools fail to understand is..."
quizara tafwid posted 03-22-99 08:11 AM ET
"Soylent green means people!"
paraskous posted 03-22-99 12:19 PM ET
"Soylent green"?
Isn't that a film quote?
I'm quite amused that the translators for German managed to preserve the limerick of the Cyborg-factory.
They should have left the Network-Node spot as it was:"Where do you want your Node today" - but with a bit of knowledge about the MS-marketing you'll get it though.
Wondering how French people like those scenes.
Aeongusha posted 03-22-99 12:29 PM ET
The recycling tanks one (Yang) does indeed come from the film Soylent Green... But I don't find it very funny, except if you see it as a critic of Kant's "duty" philosophy.
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Author	Topic: Humour in SMAC
tOFfGI	posted 03-16-99 02:22 PM ET SMAC Moments that really got me cracked up: The discovery of Retroviral Engineering, with the "Saddam" quote... The Academician's private residences shall remain off-limits to the Genetic Inspectors. We possess no retroviral capability, we are not researching retroviral engineering, and we shall not allow this Council to violate faction privileges in the name of this ridiculous witch hunt!" -- Fedor Petrov, Vice Provost for University Affairs The Network Backbone Quote... Of course we'll bundle our MorganNet software with the new network nodes; our customers expect no less of us. We have never sought to become a monopoly. Our products are simply so good that no one feels the need to compete with us. -- CEO Nwabudike Morgan, Morgan Data Systems press release and the Network Node Quote... I don't know but I've been told, Deirdre's got a Network Node. Likes to press the on-off switch, Dig that crazy Gaian witch! -- Spartan Barracks March Any others?
Imran Siddiqui	posted 03-22-99 01:09 AM ET Yeah:##Bioenhancement Center #FAC30 We are all aware that the senses can be deceived, the eyes fooled. But how can we be sure our senses are not being deceived at any particular time, or even all the time? Might I just be a brain in a tank somewhere, tricked all my life into believing in the events of this world by some insane computer? And does my life gain or lose meaning based on my reaction to such solipsism? ^ ^ -- Project PYRRHO, Specimen 46, Vat 7 ^ Activity Recorded M.Y. 2302.22467 ^ TERMINATION OF SPECIMEN ADVISED
Giant Squid	posted 03-22-99 01:20 AM ET That's not funny so much as it's scary. Think about it. Or don't if your afraid of th SPECIMEN TERMINATED
jig	posted 03-22-99 01:54 AM ET Some more... ##Applied Gravitonics #TECH23 "What goes up . . . better doggone well stay up!" ^ ^ -- Morgan Gravitonics, ^ Company Slogan ----- ##Nanominiaturization #TECH42 Objects once measured in meters have become so small that they cannot be seen by the naked eye, with revolutionary applications across the board. Gentlemen, forget what your courtesans have told you: size does matter! ^ ^ -- CEO Nwabudike Morgan, ^ Morgan Industries Annual Report Note: Half funny... ----- ##The Longevity Vaccine #PROJECT14 I plan to live forever, of course, but barring that I'd settle for a couple thousand years. Even five hundred would be pretty nice. ^ ^ -- CEO Nwabudike Morgan, ^ MorganLink 3DVision Interview ----- ##The Cyborg Factory #PROJECT17 ^ A handsome young Cyborg named Ace, ^ Wooed women at every base, ^ But once ladies glanced at ^ His special enhancement ^ They vanished with nary a trace. ^ ^ -- Barracks Graffiti, ^ Sparta Command ------ ##The Self-Aware Colony #PROJECT25 Will we next create false gods to rule over us? How proud we have become, and how blind. ^ ^ -- Sister Miriam Godwinson, ^ "We Must Dissent" Note: I doubt most people will see this as funny, but I do. ---- ##Hologram Theatre #FAC11 ^ Richard Baxton piloted his Recon Rover into a fungal vortex and held off four waves of mind worms, saving an entire colony. ^ We immediately purchased his identity manifests and repackaged him into the Recon Rover Rick character with a multi-tiered media campaign: televids, touchbooks, holos, psi-tours--the works. ^ People need heroes. They don't need to know how he died clawing his eyes out, screaming for mercy. The real story would just hurt sales, and dampen the spirits of our customers. ^ ^ -- "Mythology for Profit" ^ Morgan Stellartots Keynote Speech ---- ##Habitation Dome #FAC25 ^ I sit in my cubicle, here on the motherworld. ^ When I die, they will put my body in a box and ^ dispose of it in the cold ground. ^ And in all the million ages to come, I will never ^ breathe or laugh or twitch again. ^ So won't you run and play with me here among the ^ teeming mass of humanity? ^ The universe has spared us this moment. ^ ^ -- Anonymous, Datalinks Note: Use it as a pick up line.
Shining1	posted 03-22-99 02:50 AM ET I'm surprised people haven't picked up on Yang's quotes yet - or am I misinterpreting them? "It is every citizen's final duty to go into the tanks, and become one with all the people." Makes you want to vomit, really... Squid: Imrans one is a perversion of a plato quote, or something similar. I ended up ROFL after that one. I have to admit, Morgan and Santiago definitely get the best lines in the game. P.S does anyone else see Santiago's Orbital Spaceflight quote as a slap in the face to everyone who complained that SMAC didn't include colonization of other planets? "What these fools fail to understand is..."
quizara tafwid	posted 03-22-99 08:11 AM ET "Soylent green means people!"
paraskous	posted 03-22-99 12:19 PM ET "Soylent green"? Isn't that a film quote? I'm quite amused that the translators for German managed to preserve the limerick of the Cyborg-factory. They should have left the Network-Node spot as it was:"Where do you want your Node today" - but with a bit of knowledge about the MS-marketing you'll get it though. Wondering how French people like those scenes.
Aeongusha	posted 03-22-99 12:29 PM ET The recycling tanks one (Yang) does indeed come from the film Soylent Green... But I don't find it very funny, except if you see it as a critic of Kant's "duty" philosophy.