posted 03-10-99 07:50 PM ET        

**THE INTERVIEW**

"Brother Greg, thanks for coming today."

BG: "Sure."

"We'd like to start by taking a brief look at your qualifications. It says here you've never actually been hired long enough to get paid. Why is that?"

BG: "I'd like to first answer your question with a question, if you don't mind?"

"Feel free."

BG: "What, sir, makes YOU qualified to know what I'm qualified for? The first thing I would teach this company is that qualifications, like crash-proof games, are a moving target."

"Well...O.K., but we just find that people who've actually worked..."

BG: "Sir, How much JAVA can you write?"

"I'm not sure what that has to do..."

BG: "Just answer my question. How much? How much JAVA!?"

"None, actually."

BG: "And you dare question my qualifications as The Computer Guy? You're in over your head, sir, if you don't mind my saying so. Next question."

"You have a point, I guess. Now I'm confused. But, anyway, next question--it's a hypothetical situation actually. We'd be expecting you to handle calls from employees with computer problems. Would like to try one here?"

BG: "Bring it on."

[ring.wav]

BG: "Yeah. Make it quick."

CALLER: "Ummm. Hi! My computer keeps crashing when I play SMAC and ..."

[click.wav]

"I don't understand, Brother Greg, we were supposed to act out the rest of the phone call."

BG: "Wow! You just don't get it, do you?"

"I'm sorry?"

BG: "There were two glaring problems with that call. Did you catch them?"

"No, I guess I didn't..."

BG: "First. He blamed the computer--he doesn't deserve my help. Second. He didn't address me properly."

"But how could he possibly know your name before he even talks to you?"

BG: "Listen. We've got to train these people early and train them hard. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and he can spend all his time fishing and leave me to more important work."

"So, you think he should find out your name first THEN call? But you requested on your application that no trace of your working here be made know to the staff. How could he get your name in that case?"

BG: "Brilliant, isn't it? See, if this caller has what it takes to find my name, he will have learned what it takes to fix his own damn machine. See?"

"O.K., but about the part where he blamed his computer?"

BG: "Do I have to spell it out for you? I will only accept a call that follows proper protocol. This would do nicely:

--"Forgive me Brother Greg, for I have sinned. It has been twenty minutes since my last mistake."---

BG: "Now THAT's a phone call I won't hang up on. Next question."

"Just one last thing, Brother Greg. It says here you were convicted for abusing a customer at Electronic's Boutique a few years ago when she tried to return a game that she claimed had bugs in it. Can you help explain that?"

BG: "Sir, the only bugs in the room were in her head, so I tried to knock them out of her."

"But it also says this customer happened to be your mother. Have you no sense of familial relationship?"

BG: "What a joke! I'm in computers, remember? Hello! I don't believe in any relationships except for zeros and ones. That's the only relationship I understand. That's all I need."

"But was it really necessary to knock her teeth out?"

BG: "If I remember correctly, those were dentures."

**END OF INTERVIEW. BROTHER GREG HIRED**

posted 03-10-99 08:54 PM ET            

"Yes, I have a Windows configuration problem. I will try to put my computer back in working order so that my computer games will work properly. Thank you Firaxis for making me a nice computer game and please help me to make it work right."

posted 03-10-99 09:05 PM ET            

If it makes you feel better, you know YIN isn't going to earn many friends badmouthing the much respected Bro Greg.

posted 03-10-99 09:16 PM ET            

I honestly DO like Brother Greg. He's the most cool-headed of the CONS here, which makes him a good guy. Plus, I know he can handle a joke without sending me bombs in the mail .

It don't mind that he's wrong. You need a Yang to go with the Yin.

Congratulations, Shiny! In my many posts on many boards dedicated to many different topics (Whining for Beginners was my first forum), you're the only one to see the connection.

Please tell Brother Greg that I'm glad he makes a lot of money fixing problems that shouldn't exist in the first place.

posted 03-10-99 10:01 PM ET            

Personally, I like the real world. It's hard to get a computer to grasp the concept of humour, or cuddle up to you at night.

Personally Yin, I think you are getting a little carried away with the joke. A couple of times it is funny, but just like fish and visiting relatives, after a few days they begin to stink. Also, people tend to think of you as insane for keeping them around.

Aaaaanyway, if you voted an Aussie as president, there'd be no work done. Well, apart from essential stuff, like brewing and taste testing. Ah, now THAT would be a world to live in...

Personally, I blame all of the Aussie politicians on the Kiwis. I know that doesn't seem to make sense, but it doesn't have to - they're Kiwis after all.

posted 03-10-99 10:09 PM ET            

As long as I get attacked, I will do my best to make muddled-tech-heads look like the over-paid troublemakers they really are.

I'll miss you, Brother. Who else is going to tell me complex things like a cartrige game is different from a P.C. game? It will all be too hard to figure out without experts like you here to talk down to me, but I'm sure there are people in line.

posted 03-10-99 10:20 PM ET            

"if you voted an Aussie as president, there'd be no work done. Well, apart from essential
stuff, like brewing and taste testing..." - I always suspected Hawke was on the piss full time. And that new fat guy, Beazley - he looks it too. (Who knows? After Keating and Howard, maybe that's what you need. )

As for NewZild taking the blame for Aussie politicians, it's a far cop. After all, we're responisble for your flag, your beer, and by most accounts your recent rugby success too. So we had to screw something up eventually . [That list C/o The Tight Five.]

posted 03-10-99 10:25 PM ET            

for talking to a guy you actually claim you like(oh well), you have a hard time leaving the irony out. It's dripping from your tongue like poison from a ten feet puff-adder.

The guy resigns, let him resign without you having to have the appearently "all-important" last word.

posted 03-10-99 11:35 PM ET            

There's a difference between defending oneself and trying to get the last word. I'd be quite happy if BG just said: "O.K. People in the computer industry love to make things more complicated than they have to be. But until a new dawn arises, it's all we've got. I feel your pain."

Instead, he keeps talking down to people and trying to explain why this and that can't possibly be done and how the ingorant masses should be happy for any slop game or slop technical assistance they get thrown at them. It's the base of the pyramid, not the top, that really matters. It's the ignorant masses, not the likes of Greg, that keep all this going.

posted 03-11-99 12:28 AM ET            

Nobody deserves to be lambasted in such a way, merely for making some observations. NEVER did I abuse anyone, nor did I EVER talk down to anyone. If you take somebody with a bit of knowledge telling you a few facts as putting you down, then you got problems, not them.

Frankly, ragardless of people's opinions, you should give them the right to express them. I haven't mocked you for any lack of knowledge of computers, nor have I attacked your morals, personality, nor anything else for that matter. And NEVER have I questioned your right to express your opinions, though I may disagree with them.

I had a discussion with you, and if you feel that gives you the right to abuse me from pillar to post, then you deserve every idiot telling you to piss off that you get. Personally, I won't because that's not me. I don't like trying to show people up to be idiots, parodying them, nor insulting them. In fact, apart for ripping into you for doing just that to me, I won't even go so far as to return the favour done to me.

posted 03-11-99 12:38 AM ET            

Like I said. You're one of the better guys at being pedantic without apparently meaning to attack people. It's still demeaning, however, when you tell me (in seriousness, I guess) that I should realize that my Commodore Vic20 is less complicated than my Micron. You say stuff like that alot, even if you don't mean to talk down to people.

Anyway, I don't want to pick fights with you because I think we essentially agree--some of the problems are in SMAC, many more are in the hardware, driver chaos and even more still are in people's own hands.

posted 03-11-99 08:55 AM ET            

I never thought I could learn so much from a games(?) forum, especially about modern times politeness and mutual respect. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned for this, but I wonder what would happen if the weapon was not email.

Just to put some gasoline into the fire: I'm in the computer business for over 10 years and all this talking about "you computer guys" makes me sick. What about back to pen and paper or, even better, back to the Stone Age? When I look at some users they're not so far away from it.

All this reminds me of the Believers somehow.

posted 03-11-99 01:57 PM ET         

I'm seriously thinking of jumping off this whole technology bandwagon, and not because of the technology, but because of the people. On the one hand, you have people who are very knowledgeable about computers an d mock the common folk for not being "up-to-speed" with all the "latest and greatest". They spend 80+ hours a week in front of a computer doing who knows what, and they know what Linux, SunOS, mips, and IDEE really mean.

Then on the other hand you have people who no little to noting about computers but want to do stuff on it, and blame the machines or the technology, yet keep using it.

And on the other hand (yes, I have three hands ) you have the average folk who know a bit but are not "TECH HEADS". They found a particular thing they like about computers (i.e. anonymous chat lines, Multiplayer 3D Shooters, desktop publishing, etc) and stick with it.

Now lets also look at the "tech-minimalist" -- one who owns a computer (or maybe not) but spend less than 1/1000th of their life on it. They go out on a rock climb, bike ride, hang out with friends at the bowling alley, strum their guitar, WRITE letters (yes, there are people that still do that) or teach a night class about astronomy.

We can all argue to death about SMAC, computer mishaps, etc, but to what end? Just to prove who's right? And when it degenerates into sarcasm and personal insults, you know that it's all about preventing our feeble egos from getting crushed and not about solving the problem.

posted 03-11-99 02:31 PM ET         

I go to Canada's computer nerd training academy (U. of Waterloo) and I must say computer people are the most arogant jackasses on earth. People who chuckle quietly when they here how much RAM I have on my computer. Or make fun of people who own Macs. Or have heated arguments about Microsoft. I don't care how much you know about computers, just make sure mine always works and keep your mouths shut.

posted 03-11-99 03:42 PM ET            

victem:
"The thing is no matter how much more you know about computers than non-nerds, you are still geeks and we still get laid once in a while."

My wife might argue this point.

"Maybe if you stop being so bloody arogant we'll stop beating you up in high school."

Nobody beat me up in high-school.

"...you just have more spare time due to lack of athletic ability or good looks."

I graduated high-school with 9 varsity letters (more than you),(4 in Track, 3 in Soccer(football) and 2 in Basketball).
I have a college degree in Aerospace Engineering (what's yours in General Studies?).
I am currently training for the Ironman Triathlon (can you even stand on two feet for 9-10 hours).
I work 9 hours a day as well.
I don't know and don't care if I am smarter than you (but I'm sure I am), but as far as knowing more about computers than you because I have more free time is a joke.
Looks are subjective, but you might have seen me in an ad somewhere.
I don't even wear glasses.
I am only arrogant when dealing with people who "Mock what they don't understand"

posted 03-11-99 03:42 PM ET            

victem:
"The thing is no matter how much more you know about computers than non-nerds, you are still geeks and we still get laid once in a while."

My wife might argue this point.

"Maybe if you stop being so bloody arogant we'll stop beating you up in high school."

Nobody beat me up in high-school.

"...you just have more spare time due to lack of athletic ability or good looks."

I graduated high-school with 9 varsity letters (more than you),(4 in Track, 3 in Soccer(football) and 2 in Basketball).
I have a college degree in Aerospace Engineering (what's yours in General Studies?).
I am currently training for the Ironman Triathlon (can you even stand on two feet for 9-10 hours).
I work 9 hours a day as well.
I don't know and don't care if I am smarter than you (but I'm sure I am), but as far as knowing more about computers than you because I have more free time is a joke.
Looks are subjective, but you might have seen me in an ad somewhere.
I don't even wear glasses.
I am only arrogant when dealing with people who "Mock what they don't understand"

posted 03-11-99 03:54 PM ET            

I am one of the many sons of Zeus. I have sex with green alien women on a regular basis. I invented the first thermonuclear tooth-brush while translating "The Republic" into Sanskrit. I am arrogant and rightfully so.

posted 03-11-99 04:51 PM ET            

That does not mean that EVERY person who is in the industry is like that. If I ever post something like "Oh, gee, you only have 64M RAM, tee hee, you suck", than I deserve to be crucified. But I get crucified just for telling somebody that a VIC 20 is a much less complex system than a modern PC, after they themselves had used it as a reason why gaming platforms should be more stable, then tell me there isn't something wrong.

For God's sake, look past your prejudices, and look at the comments being made. Don't instantly think that just because I am in the industry, every post that I make to a newbie is belittling him. And if said newbie posts a stupid comment, and I set him (or her) straight in a calm, measured tone, without abusing them, belittling them, or making them feel small, don't jump on my back and cry "technogeek, you suck, you are the leeches sucking the common people dry, yada yada".

What the hell did I do to deserve the above post? Explain it to me, because, being a technogeek, I obviously have no life, no understanding of the real world, and no concept of what the average person must feel. I am in fact half cybernetic, and run all of my discussions by logic. So please, help me find my human side again, help me understand why arguing with Yin actually meant I was belittling him, and was not a case of him falling prey to his prejudices of us techno-geeks...

And while you're at it, please point out to me why I deserved the comments he has directed at me. Yeah, I believe that I am right. Right in that I don't have to put up with that sort of trash, and arrogant in that nobody is going to tell me otherwise. Would you put up with that from somebody you just met?

Oh, and as to my life. Married, no children. Play soccer, cricket, travel a lot, and generally only spend about 7-8 hours a week playing games.

posted 03-11-99 05:39 PM ET            

Personally, I should take Mcerion's advice and relax, because I don't really believe for a second you are capable of beating anybody up - nor should you go around claiming to able to do so (IMO my biggest character flaw).

posted 03-11-99 09:56 PM ET            

----

For the record, I am also a techie. I try not to talk down to nontechies, but it can be hard when you get people that ask(and I am not making this up), "Which one is the space bar?" and "I don't have a computer, but I have a VCR. Will that work?", and "I'm dialing your phone number hand holding the handset up to the computer, why isn't it working?". Usually, the first part of any response I give is explaining the problem and then how to fix it.

posted 03-12-99 09:04 AM ET            

To: Victem
Re: the High school beatings comment

You, "Sir", are far more arrogant than we among the "tech-head" community. Furthermore, it is exactly your immature tendancy to oppress /belittle /do violence upon people that don't fit your patheticaly narrow world-view that leads to the attitude of said tech heads. It's a defense mechanism to shore up a psyche all to frequently stepped on by "people" (and I use the term loosely, and only due to the unfortunate truth that you are indeed a member of the species) such as you.

The fact that this thread even exists shows off the unfortunate truth that there is a growing gap between the intelectually inclinded and the non intelectually inclined (please do not equate the above phrase to mean intelligence, as they are two separate concepts).

But you, "Sir", have taken what was a pointless and sometimes almost amusing thread and made it into your own personal little declaration of war on those who do not see things your way. What next, round up all the "computer nerds" into forced labor camps so that they can fix your computer when needed, without the necessity of having to see them?
Perhaps a regular program of public beatings to keep us in line?? Well?

Furthermore, I seriously doubt your ability to do violence on me. Yes, I am a nerd, but I also, like far more of us than you apparently think, am in good shape and possess four years of military combat training. so bring it on, tough guy.

As to the getting laid bit, I thought that you horse-steroid abusing cro-magnons couldn't get it up....

In summary, you are a first class ass and I cheerfully wish you transmition failure on an empty road during a blizzard.

posted 03-12-99 09:27 AM ET            

NOT!!!!!!!

posted 04-20-99 05:52 PM ET            

May the Lord forgive you, for you know not what you have done. Resurrected an old Yin thread? Gadzooks!

Or...were you aware of the effect, you cheeky devil.