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Author Topic:   Asbestos Garbage Can

evil_conquerer posted 06-30-99 06:25 PM ET
This thread is now an (un)official all-purpose flame holder. It is made of 110% pure (the extra 10% was for good luck) asbestos, heat-treated to 1017 degrees F. Whenever you have the urge to flame some complete idiot who just posted a thread "SMAC sucks because you can't switch forms of government", and you're about to post an elaborate 2000-word essay that can be summarized to "RTFM, you ****head", just vent everything right here. It will make everyone very happy, especially those people who have to tolerate those who will later start threads saying "stop the flame wars", "stop posting threads about stopping the flame wars" "stop posting threads about stopping the anti-flame war threads". Wow, 10 threads of babble reduced to 1 convenient message! You may fail to see the purpose of this now that Yin, Trip, etc. have mellowed out (slightly ), but trust me -- it will come in handy.
Darkstar posted 06-30-99 08:56 PM ET
Darkstar walks into the entrance of Evil Conquerer's Clinic.
"May I help you sir?" asks the receptionist.
Darkstar walked over to the giant stuffed toy of Brian Reynolds. And proceeded to pound it until all the stuffing came out. And then started jumping up and down on the stuffing until on dust was left. Finding nothing remaining of BR toy, Darkstar finally stopped his destructive binge.
"Sigh. Thanks." Darkstar walked out of the clinic, returning back to the real world.
The receptionist got up, opened a supply closet and put a new BR doll out. The janitor shows up within a couple of minutes, and starts to tidy the room.
The receptionist looks at the audience... "Happens all the time around here."
-Darkstar
Aredhran posted 07-01-99 04:22 AM ET
A few hours later, Aredhran walks in.
"Good afternoon, sir"
"Hi... I have an appointment with Dr. Daily at 3"
"Yes, please follow me I'll take you to his waiting room"
Aredhran follows the receptionist, who shows him into a waiting area with comfortable chairs. He sits and wait, muttering unintelligible babbage to himself. After a while, a door opens.
Dr. Daily "Ah, Aredhran. Good afternoon, please come in"
"Thanks, doctor"
"So you've come for your weekly treatment ?"
"Yes, um, er... I'm really angry, you know, because *they* told us we would have the patch soon and now it's July and still no sign of life..."
"Hmmm. I know exactly what you need. Here, take this and follow me". Dr. Daily gives Aredhran a huge Flamethrower and opens another door.
Aredhran steps in, and sees a reconstruction of the Firaxis office, complete with animated models of the staff.
"Let yourself go, Aredhran. I guarantee you that 15 minutes in there with this baby" (motioning to the Flamer) "will make you feel just fine... Have a good time and ring that bell when you're done." Dr. Daily steps out and locks the door.
The animated JKM model says "Hi Aredhran. Patch 4 will be ready for download at the end of June. Wanna be a beta tester ?"
"Liar !" WOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH !
JKM's charbroiled body crumbles to the floor. BR steps out "What was that ?"
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH !
BR's head quickly melts under the heat of the 8-barreled Mk5 Flamer. From this point on, Aredhran just moved on, setting the Firaxian Headquarters to the torch. After a few long, hot minutes, the Flamer was empty, so reluctantly but feeling much better, Aredhran rang the bell.
Dr. Daily opened the door, a wide grin on his face. "So, how do you like my treatment"
"Oh, it was great, doctor, thank you."
"Come back anytime..."
"Yes, thank you. Bye."
"Bye now"
Aredhran
-No offense intended to Firaxis and the team. I know you guys are doing your best, but I *am* impatient to get Patch err Enhancement 4 (aren't we all ?)-
Freddz posted 07-01-99 04:32 AM ET
Hehehe... should have given the flamer to me instead, I would have meant it
evil_conquerer posted 07-01-99 04:47 PM ET
Evil_conquerer walks into the office.
Receptionist: Hi, how can I help you?
Evil_conqquerer: Can I see Dr. Evil?
Receptionist: I think you have the wrong doctor. In your case, though, I would recommend a different psychiatrist.
Evil_conquerer: WHOOOOOSSSHHHH!!!! Thank you, that was very satisfying. I *hate* people like that.
Receptionist: Sure, any time. That'll be $20.
Nell_Smith posted 07-02-99 03:36 PM ET
*** Diversionary Tactics ***
SMACer goes into Firaxis office.
Firaxis Game Designer (who shall remain nameless): Hello, how can I help you?
SMACer: I'd like to make some suggestions for Patch 4.
FGD: No you wouldn't.
SMACer: Yes I would.
FGD: Sorry, is this a five-minute argument, or the full half hour?
SMACer: Well errr.. I don't really want to argue...
FGD: Yes you do.
SMACer: No I don't.
FGD: Yes you do.
SMACer: Now look, this is ridiculous. I didn't come here for an argument, I came here to discuss Patch 4.
FGD: No you didn't.
SMACer: I'm not going to argue about it!
FGD: Yes you are.
SMACer: This is stupid!!!
FGD: No it isn't.
SMACer: So are you going to talk to me about Patch 4 or not?
FGD: I'm sorry, your five minutes are up.
SMACer: That was never five minutes!
FGD: Yes it was.
SMACer: No it wasn't!
FGD: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to carry on arguing unless you've paid.
SMACer: THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
FGD: {silence}
SMACer: OK OK, here's $10 for another five minutes. So, that was never five minutes, was it?
FGD: I've told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
SMACer: But I just did!
FGD: No you didn't.
SMACer: Yes I DID!!
FGD: No you didn't.
SMACer: Sod this, I'm going to go and buy Might & Magic 7
FGD: No you're not.
SMACer: Aaaaarrrrggggghhh!!!!!
Nell... who can't remember any more of the original sketch...
evil_conquerer posted 07-02-99 06:31 PM ET
Was that Who's on First?
Nell_Smith posted 07-02-99 06:52 PM ET
It's an old Monty Python sketch, but it's been so long since I last saw/heard it, I've forgotten most of it... but it went something like that!
Nell
Noisy posted 07-02-99 07:10 PM ET
[i]Argument Clinic[/i]: Series three, Episode three. First broadcast 02NOV72. Also appears on M.P. Live at Drury Lane.
I'll transcribe it from the script book, if you want. No? Didn't think so.
Noisy
Freddz posted 07-02-99 09:02 PM ET
Fu*k, I'm drunk...
Nell_Smith posted 07-02-99 09:20 PM ET
Noisy:
Actually, if you can be bothered, I would love a copy of that... I had a copy on an old audio cassette, but I've lost it.
Nell... diehard MP fan but with no script book
Freddz posted 07-02-99 09:22 PM ET
Do you never sleep, Nell? Jesus...
Freddz posted 07-02-99 09:28 PM ET
Now that my (somewhat blurry?) eyes have seen your post above... LOL! Funny stuff, Nell
How sick is that, I come in to this damn forum after I've been out and is drunk. Seems any alco problems is the least of any worries...
OldWarrior_42 posted 07-02-99 10:36 PM ET
Hey Nell.....I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok.
Nell_Smith posted 07-03-99 09:38 AM ET
Old_W:
hehehe... you sleep all night and you work all day? You dress in women's undies and... no, best stop there, I think...
No but seriously... that is in my Top 5 Python sketches... along with the Parrot, of course, and the Argument thing above...
Freddz:
Now look... you should know by now that my Jedi candidates do my sleeping for me... amongst other things... Oh and a chatbot writes my posts, so I disclaim all responsibility for anything I say... but glad you liked it! Wish it had been me who made it up, but there ya go...
Nell... going for the full half-hour, normally...
evil_conquerer posted 07-03-99 03:40 PM ET
Evil Conquerer's Clinic: CEO's Log, Stardate 07.02.99 (Star Trek isn't Y2K compliant )
Work is hectic today as news of trip's ban slowly trickles down to the community at Firaxis' bulletin boards. Extra temps are hired and staff is geared up for a long haul. Within an hour, dazed vets and newbies line up outside the clinic in a stupor, wondering what happened. There is the occasional moment of excitement as a friend of trip's goes into a rage at Firaxis, storming the clinic and attempting to snatch a flamer ahead of the line and go on a rampage inside the model Firaxis offices. Such outbursts, however, are easily controlled.
The receptionist is so overworked that he/she has to be refreshed on the hour. Replacements are getting thin as applicants start to realize that nearly half of the workers have to be commited after their shift is over. The response is simply overwhelming.
--
Two hours later:
The line has lengthened and has shown no signs of stopping. We are running desperately low on BR dolls, even as the maintenance staff works overtime to craft new ones. The condition will soon be returning desperate, and I have set the whole staff on Yellow Alert. Some days I wonder if I should just throw in the sack and become just another mindless forum denizen, lined up outside the ward, either in a daze or in a rage over trip's banning. Sigh, but I have a mission to do. I must save the helpless forum-goers from insanity. Strange things have been known to happen when they do not receive treatment. Some suspect that trip himself was a product of such a happening; he apparently had a spat with both Firaxis and a forum-goer known as "Wank". Refusing to receive treatment, perhaps in an effort to save face, apparently he just cracked one day. Friends say that he seemed perfectly normal before the fateful thread "People on here who are kewl and why"... but I digress.
--
Half an hour later:
Situation red! A team of Firaxians have infiltrated the clinic! Apparently, they are part of an effort to "crack down" on netizens who are putting a strain on relations in this forum. Who knows what this world is coming to when even I am targeted as a potential dissident... Even now, I can hear a raging battle outside my supposedly soundproof walls. According to my top intelligence officers, two of the infiltraters are known as yin26 and Bry Uhn Rey Noldz. The names seem to ring a bell, somehow... Now I remember. Both of them have been suspected in the past, for various reasons, of being BR. Now I know that at least one of them was *not* BR; he was somebody else from Firaxis. Still, I am confident in the ability of my security guards; the clinic is not unprofitable, and I have the best team that money can buy. In addition, I have more help: The patients. Every single one of the hundreds of people lined up outside the door and inside the clinic is here because of trip's banning. There is a whole hotbed of resistance waiting right outside my door, ready to tear apart the Firaxis team as soon as they set their eyes on them. So I am safe, for now...
Darkstar posted 07-03-99 03:49 PM ET
Great one, EC. you thought about kicking in on the story threads?
The clinic must be out of JM dolls then. Tsk tsk. You got to stock more, man. Especially with Version 4 possibly materializing out of the vapors... Just imagine the response if a missile goes to far!
-Darkstar
evil_conquerer posted 07-04-99 04:10 PM ET
Ooh, that scares me about the missle bug. If it isn't fixed there might be a *real* riot . I'll be sure to stock up on everything; even if the missle bug is fixed, people will still be complaining because the final (supposedly) patch didn't fix the bug they wanted fixed.
I don't really know enough about the characters (tfs, yin, nell, etc.) to throw a story post into the other threads; maybe sometime though...
Darkstar posted 07-04-99 06:03 PM ET
Very true. I expect a few more stress relieving visits here after release 4.
And I don't think anyone would mind a little misrepresentation... unless you are going to make HelloKitty's chest attack herself again.
-Darkstar
evil_conquerer posted 07-07-99 08:11 PM ET
Come on, people, where are you? It's time to use this thing.
I expect to see 20 flames to JKM about trip by tomorrow
Or 20 pushups to all of you
Yes Sir!
chagarra posted 07-07-99 09:25 PM ET

Hey come on, leave something for me to do.
I'll get tired of sitting here outside the door just picking nits, and I might look for someone else to pick on.
To close this thread, click here (moderator or admin only).


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Author	Topic: Asbestos Garbage Can
evil_conquerer	posted 06-30-99 06:25 PM ET This thread is now an (un)official all-purpose flame holder. It is made of 110% pure (the extra 10% was for good luck) asbestos, heat-treated to 1017 degrees F. Whenever you have the urge to flame some complete idiot who just posted a thread "SMAC sucks because you can't switch forms of government", and you're about to post an elaborate 2000-word essay that can be summarized to "RTFM, you ****head", just vent everything right here. It will make everyone very happy, especially those people who have to tolerate those who will later start threads saying "stop the flame wars", "stop posting threads about stopping the flame wars" "stop posting threads about stopping the anti-flame war threads". Wow, 10 threads of babble reduced to 1 convenient message! You may fail to see the purpose of this now that Yin, Trip, etc. have mellowed out (slightly ), but trust me -- it will come in handy.
Darkstar	posted 06-30-99 08:56 PM ET Darkstar walks into the entrance of Evil Conquerer's Clinic. "May I help you sir?" asks the receptionist. Darkstar walked over to the giant stuffed toy of Brian Reynolds. And proceeded to pound it until all the stuffing came out. And then started jumping up and down on the stuffing until on dust was left. Finding nothing remaining of BR toy, Darkstar finally stopped his destructive binge. "Sigh. Thanks." Darkstar walked out of the clinic, returning back to the real world. The receptionist got up, opened a supply closet and put a new BR doll out. The janitor shows up within a couple of minutes, and starts to tidy the room. The receptionist looks at the audience... "Happens all the time around here." -Darkstar
Aredhran	posted 07-01-99 04:22 AM ET A few hours later, Aredhran walks in. "Good afternoon, sir" "Hi... I have an appointment with Dr. Daily at 3" "Yes, please follow me I'll take you to his waiting room" Aredhran follows the receptionist, who shows him into a waiting area with comfortable chairs. He sits and wait, muttering unintelligible babbage to himself. After a while, a door opens. Dr. Daily "Ah, Aredhran. Good afternoon, please come in" "Thanks, doctor" "So you've come for your weekly treatment ?" "Yes, um, er... I'm really angry, you know, because they told us we would have the patch soon and now it's July and still no sign of life..." "Hmmm. I know exactly what you need. Here, take this and follow me". Dr. Daily gives Aredhran a huge Flamethrower and opens another door. Aredhran steps in, and sees a reconstruction of the Firaxis office, complete with animated models of the staff. "Let yourself go, Aredhran. I guarantee you that 15 minutes in there with this baby" (motioning to the Flamer) "will make you feel just fine... Have a good time and ring that bell when you're done." Dr. Daily steps out and locks the door. The animated JKM model says "Hi Aredhran. Patch 4 will be ready for download at the end of June. Wanna be a beta tester ?" "Liar !" WOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH ! JKM's charbroiled body crumbles to the floor. BR steps out "What was that ?" WOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH ! BR's head quickly melts under the heat of the 8-barreled Mk5 Flamer. From this point on, Aredhran just moved on, setting the Firaxian Headquarters to the torch. After a few long, hot minutes, the Flamer was empty, so reluctantly but feeling much better, Aredhran rang the bell. Dr. Daily opened the door, a wide grin on his face. "So, how do you like my treatment" "Oh, it was great, doctor, thank you." "Come back anytime..." "Yes, thank you. Bye." "Bye now" Aredhran -No offense intended to Firaxis and the team. I know you guys are doing your best, but I am impatient to get Patch err Enhancement 4 (aren't we all ?)-
Freddz	posted 07-01-99 04:32 AM ET Hehehe... should have given the flamer to me instead, I would have meant it
evil_conquerer	posted 07-01-99 04:47 PM ET Evil_conquerer walks into the office. Receptionist: Hi, how can I help you? Evil_conqquerer: Can I see Dr. Evil? Receptionist: I think you have the wrong doctor. In your case, though, I would recommend a different psychiatrist. Evil_conquerer: WHOOOOOSSSHHHH!!!! Thank you, that was very satisfying. I hate people like that. Receptionist: Sure, any time. That'll be $20.
Nell_Smith	posted 07-02-99 03:36 PM ET * Diversionary Tactics * SMACer goes into Firaxis office. Firaxis Game Designer (who shall remain nameless): Hello, how can I help you? SMACer: I'd like to make some suggestions for Patch 4. FGD: No you wouldn't. SMACer: Yes I would. FGD: Sorry, is this a five-minute argument, or the full half hour? SMACer: Well errr.. I don't really want to argue... FGD: Yes you do. SMACer: No I don't. FGD: Yes you do. SMACer: Now look, this is ridiculous. I didn't come here for an argument, I came here to discuss Patch 4. FGD: No you didn't. SMACer: I'm not going to argue about it! FGD: Yes you are. SMACer: This is stupid!!! FGD: No it isn't. SMACer: So are you going to talk to me about Patch 4 or not? FGD: I'm sorry, your five minutes are up. SMACer: That was never five minutes! FGD: Yes it was. SMACer: No it wasn't! FGD: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to carry on arguing unless you've paid. SMACer: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! FGD: {silence} SMACer: OK OK, here's $10 for another five minutes. So, that was never five minutes, was it? FGD: I've told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid. SMACer: But I just did! FGD: No you didn't. SMACer: Yes I DID!! FGD: No you didn't. SMACer: Sod this, I'm going to go and buy Might & Magic 7 FGD: No you're not. SMACer: Aaaaarrrrggggghhh!!!!! Nell... who can't remember any more of the original sketch...
evil_conquerer	posted 07-02-99 06:31 PM ET Was that Who's on First?
Nell_Smith	posted 07-02-99 06:52 PM ET It's an old Monty Python sketch, but it's been so long since I last saw/heard it, I've forgotten most of it... but it went something like that! Nell
Noisy	posted 07-02-99 07:10 PM ET [i]Argument Clinic[/i]: Series three, Episode three. First broadcast 02NOV72. Also appears on M.P. Live at Drury Lane. I'll transcribe it from the script book, if you want. No? Didn't think so. Noisy
Freddz	posted 07-02-99 09:02 PM ET Fu*k, I'm drunk...
Nell_Smith	posted 07-02-99 09:20 PM ET Noisy: Actually, if you can be bothered, I would love a copy of that... I had a copy on an old audio cassette, but I've lost it. Nell... diehard MP fan but with no script book
Freddz	posted 07-02-99 09:22 PM ET Do you never sleep, Nell? Jesus...
Freddz	posted 07-02-99 09:28 PM ET Now that my (somewhat blurry?) eyes have seen your post above... LOL! Funny stuff, Nell How sick is that, I come in to this damn forum after I've been out and is drunk. Seems any alco problems is the least of any worries...
OldWarrior_42	posted 07-02-99 10:36 PM ET Hey Nell.....I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok.
Nell_Smith	posted 07-03-99 09:38 AM ET Old_W: hehehe... you sleep all night and you work all day? You dress in women's undies and... no, best stop there, I think... No but seriously... that is in my Top 5 Python sketches... along with the Parrot, of course, and the Argument thing above... Freddz: Now look... you should know by now that my Jedi candidates do my sleeping for me... amongst other things... Oh and a chatbot writes my posts, so I disclaim all responsibility for anything I say... but glad you liked it! Wish it had been me who made it up, but there ya go... Nell... going for the full half-hour, normally...
evil_conquerer	posted 07-03-99 03:40 PM ET Evil Conquerer's Clinic: CEO's Log, Stardate 07.02.99 (Star Trek isn't Y2K compliant ) Work is hectic today as news of trip's ban slowly trickles down to the community at Firaxis' bulletin boards. Extra temps are hired and staff is geared up for a long haul. Within an hour, dazed vets and newbies line up outside the clinic in a stupor, wondering what happened. There is the occasional moment of excitement as a friend of trip's goes into a rage at Firaxis, storming the clinic and attempting to snatch a flamer ahead of the line and go on a rampage inside the model Firaxis offices. Such outbursts, however, are easily controlled. The receptionist is so overworked that he/she has to be refreshed on the hour. Replacements are getting thin as applicants start to realize that nearly half of the workers have to be commited after their shift is over. The response is simply overwhelming. -- Two hours later: The line has lengthened and has shown no signs of stopping. We are running desperately low on BR dolls, even as the maintenance staff works overtime to craft new ones. The condition will soon be returning desperate, and I have set the whole staff on Yellow Alert. Some days I wonder if I should just throw in the sack and become just another mindless forum denizen, lined up outside the ward, either in a daze or in a rage over trip's banning. Sigh, but I have a mission to do. I must save the helpless forum-goers from insanity. Strange things have been known to happen when they do not receive treatment. Some suspect that trip himself was a product of such a happening; he apparently had a spat with both Firaxis and a forum-goer known as "Wank". Refusing to receive treatment, perhaps in an effort to save face, apparently he just cracked one day. Friends say that he seemed perfectly normal before the fateful thread "People on here who are kewl and why"... but I digress. -- Half an hour later: Situation red! A team of Firaxians have infiltrated the clinic! Apparently, they are part of an effort to "crack down" on netizens who are putting a strain on relations in this forum. Who knows what this world is coming to when even I am targeted as a potential dissident... Even now, I can hear a raging battle outside my supposedly soundproof walls. According to my top intelligence officers, two of the infiltraters are known as yin26 and Bry Uhn Rey Noldz. The names seem to ring a bell, somehow... Now I remember. Both of them have been suspected in the past, for various reasons, of being BR. Now I know that at least one of them was not BR; he was somebody else from Firaxis. Still, I am confident in the ability of my security guards; the clinic is not unprofitable, and I have the best team that money can buy. In addition, I have more help: The patients. Every single one of the hundreds of people lined up outside the door and inside the clinic is here because of trip's banning. There is a whole hotbed of resistance waiting right outside my door, ready to tear apart the Firaxis team as soon as they set their eyes on them. So I am safe, for now...
Darkstar	posted 07-03-99 03:49 PM ET Great one, EC. you thought about kicking in on the story threads? The clinic must be out of JM dolls then. Tsk tsk. You got to stock more, man. Especially with Version 4 possibly materializing out of the vapors... Just imagine the response if a missile goes to far! -Darkstar
evil_conquerer	posted 07-04-99 04:10 PM ET Ooh, that scares me about the missle bug. If it isn't fixed there might be a real riot . I'll be sure to stock up on everything; even if the missle bug is fixed, people will still be complaining because the final (supposedly) patch didn't fix the bug they wanted fixed. I don't really know enough about the characters (tfs, yin, nell, etc.) to throw a story post into the other threads; maybe sometime though...
Darkstar	posted 07-04-99 06:03 PM ET Very true. I expect a few more stress relieving visits here after release 4. And I don't think anyone would mind a little misrepresentation... unless you are going to make HelloKitty's chest attack herself again. -Darkstar
evil_conquerer	posted 07-07-99 08:11 PM ET Come on, people, where are you? It's time to use this thing. I expect to see 20 flames to JKM about trip by tomorrow Or 20 pushups to all of you Yes Sir!
chagarra	posted 07-07-99 09:25 PM ET Hey come on, leave something for me to do. I'll get tired of sitting here outside the door just picking nits, and I might look for someone else to pick on.