The Newbie Camps at SMAConia - the angry Newbie's nightmare

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Author Topic:   The Newbie Camps at SMAConia - the angry Newbie's nightmare

Freddz posted 05-30-99 05:49 PM ET
[Blurry as the Newbie dreams]
Colonel Wise Allknowing stands before the assembled group of ragtag Newbies. He smiles.
"Thanks for coming, everyone!" He smiles at his joke as the Newbies laugh shortly. The guards lower cue cards with the text "Laugh!". They put up another card.
The newbies in consensus: "That's very funny Mr. Allknowing! Ha ha ha!"
"Thanks! Thanks everyone! I'm announcing today we have a new Neeeww-biee". Wise spat out the last word like he had an insect in his mouth. Still with a sincerely disgusted grimace on his face, he continued.
"His name is of no consequence. But I wish you treat him with your normal respect. Let him eat some of the flies you catch. Let him hear how wise I am. How long I've been here. How much I've learned in my time here. I will certainly lend him the punishing pit once in a while. Enough chatter, bring him in!"
Shoved to he ground by a guard, the Newbie scurried up to Mr. Allknowing.
"In the name of peace and respect for one who has been here in the camp longer, please lick my boots. I for one, honor you with food, shelter and later with respect.[Allknowing crosses his fingers behind his back at the last word]. You'll clean my boots for respect of me being an old Vet"
The newbie licked his boots.
"Did you put sugar on them Mr. Allknowing?"
"Yes, they're completely made of chocolade. You like 'em?"
"Yes, thanks"
"Now get in line. See everyone, I'm a nice man. Ain't I kind?"
The newbies applaud. The guards lower their cue cards.
"Now to something serious. I play Bach at nights and I've gotten reports of snoring Newbies in the barracks. While I don't hear them, it's still annoying. So will you please wake any snoring comrades you hear? Thanks."
Silence. Then...
One of the newbies in the crowd suddenly roars: "This is wrong!!! Wroooong!! We don't snore at all, you liar!!!"
Suddenly the horde of Newbies attack Wise and his guards, easily winning the battle. Wise's last words "But I was just kidding, it's April 1" are eaten up by the roar of the horde.
[The newbie wakes up. He has been reminded how the Vet's behaved. Bastard Vet! Kill! Kill! He slaps on the computer, a vicious smile crossing his lips as he thinks on how to verbally disect the first Vet he encounters. Hehehee... Bastards...It's nice with these dreams... these memories]
Just a short forum parody,
Freddz
trippin daily posted 05-30-99 08:48 PM ET
HAHAHAHAAHAHA
Trippin Daily
whirlwind13 posted 05-30-99 08:56 PM ET
Thats probably the funniest thing Ive read in quite a while. im a newbie...And the vets treat me well, but im fortunate. Ill even go as low as to advertise myself and tell you all to read my "Why Miram Sucks, and Why Beer is better than Miram" posts.
The ArchChancellor
chagarra posted 05-30-99 09:20 PM ET

......BRILLIANT......
Standing ovation
<< sound of many hands clapping >>
Aredhran posted 05-31-99 04:05 AM ET
Thank you, chagarra, you may sit down now.
Aredhran
-lowering the cue card -
PS: That was excellent, Freddz (I bet this one is going to have more success than your poll on the Non-SMAC about reasons for peace...)
Darkstar posted 05-31-99 04:28 AM ET
LOL! Great work Fredzz!
-Darkstar
tfs99 posted 06-01-99 12:59 AM ET
Freddz has to be the most talented of us by far.
So maybe we can all agree on something. The Oldies may have us when it comes to post count. But we Newbies, though obnoxious, obviously have more talent.
SMAC n ... Ted S.
Goobmeister posted 06-01-99 02:04 AM ET
I don't get it.
Is this some sort of inside Veteran Joke?
I think it is humor but, I... I need someone to explain it to me. ***sniff..***
Victor? (in a small scared voice)
JohnIII? (sounding more pathetic)
BrotherGreg? (almost wailing now)
I Want my Mommy!
Aredhran posted 06-01-99 03:55 AM ET
Goob: ROTFLMAO !!!
MikeH II posted 06-01-99 05:14 AM ET
MikeH strides into the newbie camp waving the asbestos white flag of peace. He starts to speak, his deep voice booming across the forum.
"That's not bad Fredzz. A couple of tips though, It's always best to put yourself in the story and talk about yourself in the third person. Also remember that you have to make yourself look good so try and give yourself some good stunts and refer to the other posters in the thread."
Freddz unslings his Rocket Launcher from his back and fires at MikeH who catches the rocket easily in his teeth, spitting it 2000 ft into the air where it explodes filling the air with shrapnel.
You guys would have a lot to contribute on the "Non-SMAC" forum you know, you're all pretty funny and regardless of what you've heard most of us are pretty friendly. There are a lot of 'newbies' there and they all seem to be having fun. Even Alphaman.
Please don't assume that all the 'vets' are arrogant, I'm not going to deny that we are cliquey, we are, but most of us are big enough to realise that this forum is for everyone. When I started posting on this forum there were clubs called the C club (you could only post in it if you had over 100 posts) this soon progressed to the CC Club, etc until they started the M club for posters with a thousand posts. I had a bit if a fight with the then vets to let anyone post in the threads in the end I started the I-club for "Posters with 1 post or who want to post their first post." On the assumption that the more people you can get posting the more they'll have to contribute. I don't see why that should change and there are a lot of 'vets' who feel the same.
I should point out that the whole war thing was very lighthearted and accomplished without flaming once and I have got to be pretty good friends with some of those guys. I'm rambling again. See you in the I-Club? Drinks are free. I think it's about time we forgot about the individuals who seem to be stirring up 'vet' 'newbie' rubbish and crossed the Forum boudaries.
Hmmm. All I wanted to say really was.
Freddz:
Freddz posted 06-01-99 07:07 AM ET
I could go to the off topic forum; but all my mortal enemies are there, including Imran(aka SMACman) the friendliest, cuddliest SMAC-loving guy ever born. See now why it could never work out?
Feed me and I follow you home, huh? NOT ME!
Freddz
Freddz posted 06-01-99 07:16 AM ET
I forgot: Goob
MikeH II posted 06-01-99 08:57 AM ET
I haven't seen Imran in there since he declared he was off to Apolyton.
OldWarrior_42 posted 06-01-99 12:36 PM ET
Freddz ...excellent job, you are as funny as JAMiAM said you were. And I didnt even have to read it backwards to understand. cool.
MoSe posted 06-01-99 12:48 PM ET
yeah, yeah, really nice, funny and well arranged.
I'd still prefer December Man to be my ghost-writer tho.
MariOne
- I found the non-related forum really intriguing when I had 50-some posts. Now I find it boring (generally speaking, with exceptions of course), good for just when you really have nothing better to do. Sorry.
evil_conquerer posted 06-01-99 09:42 PM ET
Freddz: Great post! I haven't seen that many good posts recently in the forums -- they have basically degraded into fights between the vets, the newbies, the game forumers, and the off-topic forumers. I haven't been involved in any flame wars (even though I have 119 posts), but I can still (sort of) relate to the wars. I'm a TBS vet, having started with Civ I by watching my dad play when I was 8 (I'm 13 now), and having started a web site on Alpha Centauri in December (in case you were wondering, it was the AC Continuum, which has now merged with The Arrival, http://ac.strategy-gaming.com). I registered on the forums in December, which was the current forums but they still had the "Old test forums -- Please phase this out" section in them. However, I only watched quietly until recently, where half of my total posts were from the past two months. So I guess I'm sort of halfway inbetween a forum newbie and a forum vet. But I digress... (thanks for listening to my rant, just had to let it out, wait one sec while I duck behind a wall of sandbags so I have time to don an asbestos suit. In case you were wondering, I managed to run like heck and narrowly miss the flamethrowers of about 50,000 people who thought this rant was long and pointless).
MikeH II: Thanks for explaining the history of the I Club! I first heard about it in the fan fiction section, wondered what it was, and then not worried about it. Then, I saw in the off-topic section (I almost never go there) the I Club XXV (Maybe it was XXXV). So I figured that it was way before my time. But now I understand about the C Club, the CC Club, the M Club, and finally the I Club. Great PR move MikeH II, you managed to break the elitism in at least one section of the board.
OldWarrior_42 posted 06-01-99 10:41 PM ET
evil_conquerer....and who says age has anything to do with being new or vet. For a 13 year old you are more vet than I . Hats off to you. Good job.
Freddz posted 06-02-99 07:25 AM ET
Maybe I should add that Imran really isn't my 'mortal enemy' so no unpleasant misunderstandings occur.... not that I would mind them really
Aredhran posted 06-28-99 08:55 AM ET
Up... Now that we seem to be in a "story post" kind of mood...
Aredhran
Darkstar posted 07-03-99 03:52 PM ET
Heave ho!
Heave Ho!
Heave HO!
-Darkstar
(Humor is always nice...)
JohnIII posted 07-03-99 04:03 PM ET
"Victor? (in a small scared voice)
JohnIII? (sounding more pathetic)
BrotherGreg? (almost wailing now)
"
Eh?
Perhaps:
JohnIII? (in a small scared voice)
Hugo Rune? (sounding more pathetic)
Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey? (almost wailing now)
Would be better?
John III
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Author	Topic: The Newbie Camps at SMAConia - the angry Newbie's nightmare
Freddz	posted 05-30-99 05:49 PM ET [Blurry as the Newbie dreams] Colonel Wise Allknowing stands before the assembled group of ragtag Newbies. He smiles. "Thanks for coming, everyone!" He smiles at his joke as the Newbies laugh shortly. The guards lower cue cards with the text "Laugh!". They put up another card. The newbies in consensus: "That's very funny Mr. Allknowing! Ha ha ha!" "Thanks! Thanks everyone! I'm announcing today we have a new Neeeww-biee". Wise spat out the last word like he had an insect in his mouth. Still with a sincerely disgusted grimace on his face, he continued. "His name is of no consequence. But I wish you treat him with your normal respect. Let him eat some of the flies you catch. Let him hear how wise I am. How long I've been here. How much I've learned in my time here. I will certainly lend him the punishing pit once in a while. Enough chatter, bring him in!" Shoved to he ground by a guard, the Newbie scurried up to Mr. Allknowing. "In the name of peace and respect for one who has been here in the camp longer, please lick my boots. I for one, honor you with food, shelter and later with respect.[Allknowing crosses his fingers behind his back at the last word]. You'll clean my boots for respect of me being an old Vet" The newbie licked his boots. "Did you put sugar on them Mr. Allknowing?" "Yes, they're completely made of chocolade. You like 'em?" "Yes, thanks" "Now get in line. See everyone, I'm a nice man. Ain't I kind?" The newbies applaud. The guards lower their cue cards. "Now to something serious. I play Bach at nights and I've gotten reports of snoring Newbies in the barracks. While I don't hear them, it's still annoying. So will you please wake any snoring comrades you hear? Thanks." Silence. Then... One of the newbies in the crowd suddenly roars: "This is wrong!!! Wroooong!! We don't snore at all, you liar!!!" Suddenly the horde of Newbies attack Wise and his guards, easily winning the battle. Wise's last words "But I was just kidding, it's April 1" are eaten up by the roar of the horde. [The newbie wakes up. He has been reminded how the Vet's behaved. Bastard Vet! Kill! Kill! He slaps on the computer, a vicious smile crossing his lips as he thinks on how to verbally disect the first Vet he encounters. Hehehee... Bastards...It's nice with these dreams... these memories] Just a short forum parody, Freddz
trippin daily	posted 05-30-99 08:48 PM ET HAHAHAHAAHAHA Trippin Daily
whirlwind13	posted 05-30-99 08:56 PM ET Thats probably the funniest thing Ive read in quite a while. im a newbie...And the vets treat me well, but im fortunate. Ill even go as low as to advertise myself and tell you all to read my "Why Miram Sucks, and Why Beer is better than Miram" posts. The ArchChancellor
chagarra	posted 05-30-99 09:20 PM ET ......BRILLIANT...... Standing ovation << sound of many hands clapping >>
Aredhran	posted 05-31-99 04:05 AM ET Thank you, chagarra, you may sit down now. Aredhran -lowering the cue card - PS: That was excellent, Freddz (I bet this one is going to have more success than your poll on the Non-SMAC about reasons for peace...)
Darkstar	posted 05-31-99 04:28 AM ET LOL! Great work Fredzz! -Darkstar
tfs99	posted 06-01-99 12:59 AM ET Freddz has to be the most talented of us by far. So maybe we can all agree on something. The Oldies may have us when it comes to post count. But we Newbies, though obnoxious, obviously have more talent. SMAC n ... Ted S.
Goobmeister	posted 06-01-99 02:04 AM ET I don't get it. Is this some sort of inside Veteran Joke? I think it is humor but, I... I need someone to explain it to me. *sniff..* Victor? (in a small scared voice) JohnIII? (sounding more pathetic) BrotherGreg? (almost wailing now) I Want my Mommy!
Aredhran	posted 06-01-99 03:55 AM ET Goob: ROTFLMAO !!!
MikeH II	posted 06-01-99 05:14 AM ET MikeH strides into the newbie camp waving the asbestos white flag of peace. He starts to speak, his deep voice booming across the forum. "That's not bad Fredzz. A couple of tips though, It's always best to put yourself in the story and talk about yourself in the third person. Also remember that you have to make yourself look good so try and give yourself some good stunts and refer to the other posters in the thread." Freddz unslings his Rocket Launcher from his back and fires at MikeH who catches the rocket easily in his teeth, spitting it 2000 ft into the air where it explodes filling the air with shrapnel. You guys would have a lot to contribute on the "Non-SMAC" forum you know, you're all pretty funny and regardless of what you've heard most of us are pretty friendly. There are a lot of 'newbies' there and they all seem to be having fun. Even Alphaman. Please don't assume that all the 'vets' are arrogant, I'm not going to deny that we are cliquey, we are, but most of us are big enough to realise that this forum is for everyone. When I started posting on this forum there were clubs called the C club (you could only post in it if you had over 100 posts) this soon progressed to the CC Club, etc until they started the M club for posters with a thousand posts. I had a bit if a fight with the then vets to let anyone post in the threads in the end I started the I-club for "Posters with 1 post or who want to post their first post." On the assumption that the more people you can get posting the more they'll have to contribute. I don't see why that should change and there are a lot of 'vets' who feel the same. I should point out that the whole war thing was very lighthearted and accomplished without flaming once and I have got to be pretty good friends with some of those guys. I'm rambling again. See you in the I-Club? Drinks are free. I think it's about time we forgot about the individuals who seem to be stirring up 'vet' 'newbie' rubbish and crossed the Forum boudaries. Hmmm. All I wanted to say really was. Freddz:
Freddz	posted 06-01-99 07:07 AM ET I could go to the off topic forum; but all my mortal enemies are there, including Imran(aka SMACman) the friendliest, cuddliest SMAC-loving guy ever born. See now why it could never work out? Feed me and I follow you home, huh? NOT ME! Freddz
Freddz	posted 06-01-99 07:16 AM ET I forgot: Goob
MikeH II	posted 06-01-99 08:57 AM ET I haven't seen Imran in there since he declared he was off to Apolyton.
OldWarrior_42	posted 06-01-99 12:36 PM ET Freddz ...excellent job, you are as funny as JAMiAM said you were. And I didnt even have to read it backwards to understand. cool.
MoSe	posted 06-01-99 12:48 PM ET yeah, yeah, really nice, funny and well arranged. I'd still prefer December Man to be my ghost-writer tho. MariOne - I found the non-related forum really intriguing when I had 50-some posts. Now I find it boring (generally speaking, with exceptions of course), good for just when you really have nothing better to do. Sorry.
evil_conquerer	posted 06-01-99 09:42 PM ET Freddz: Great post! I haven't seen that many good posts recently in the forums -- they have basically degraded into fights between the vets, the newbies, the game forumers, and the off-topic forumers. I haven't been involved in any flame wars (even though I have 119 posts), but I can still (sort of) relate to the wars. I'm a TBS vet, having started with Civ I by watching my dad play when I was 8 (I'm 13 now), and having started a web site on Alpha Centauri in December (in case you were wondering, it was the AC Continuum, which has now merged with The Arrival, http://ac.strategy-gaming.com). I registered on the forums in December, which was the current forums but they still had the "Old test forums -- Please phase this out" section in them. However, I only watched quietly until recently, where half of my total posts were from the past two months. So I guess I'm sort of halfway inbetween a forum newbie and a forum vet. But I digress... (thanks for listening to my rant, just had to let it out, wait one sec while I duck behind a wall of sandbags so I have time to don an asbestos suit. In case you were wondering, I managed to run like heck and narrowly miss the flamethrowers of about 50,000 people who thought this rant was long and pointless). MikeH II: Thanks for explaining the history of the I Club! I first heard about it in the fan fiction section, wondered what it was, and then not worried about it. Then, I saw in the off-topic section (I almost never go there) the I Club XXV (Maybe it was XXXV). So I figured that it was way before my time. But now I understand about the C Club, the CC Club, the M Club, and finally the I Club. Great PR move MikeH II, you managed to break the elitism in at least one section of the board.
OldWarrior_42	posted 06-01-99 10:41 PM ET evil_conquerer....and who says age has anything to do with being new or vet. For a 13 year old you are more vet than I . Hats off to you. Good job.
Freddz	posted 06-02-99 07:25 AM ET Maybe I should add that Imran really isn't my 'mortal enemy' so no unpleasant misunderstandings occur.... not that I would mind them really
Aredhran	posted 06-28-99 08:55 AM ET Up... Now that we seem to be in a "story post" kind of mood... Aredhran
Darkstar	posted 07-03-99 03:52 PM ET Heave ho! Heave Ho! Heave HO! -Darkstar (Humor is always nice...)
JohnIII	posted 07-03-99 04:03 PM ET "Victor? (in a small scared voice) JohnIII? (sounding more pathetic) BrotherGreg? (almost wailing now) " Eh? Perhaps: JohnIII? (in a small scared voice) Hugo Rune? (sounding more pathetic) Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey? (almost wailing now) Would be better? John III