And now for something completely different. (Add-a-line story)

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Author Topic:   And now for something completely different. (Add-a-line story)

SnowFire posted 06-23-99 10:23 AM ET
There haven't been many story threads lately, so let's try one. The only requirement is to keep your posts somewhat short, and be creative. And keep the plot turning in new, unexpected ways. Don't scum to the same line of thought for too many posts in a row.
Dirk Dangerous stumbled through the smoking corridors. "We've got to reach the escape ship! The Zorbonians take no prisinors!"
But Kit Kourage disagreed. "We're abondoning our fellow comrades! We might still win the battle!"
"Who cares about our comrades? Come on, let's save our own neck, and kill some Zorbonians in the process."
The loudspeaker crackled. "This is Grand Vizier Vile of the Zorbonians. This is just a reminder that we take no prisinors and your forces are hopelessly outnumbered by hordes of our incredibly stupid troops entering your ship right now. We will dine on human steak tonight. Muahahahaha..."
"It'd be less annoying if he didn't have to announce that every single time he boards a ship," Kit declared.
Hugo Rune posted 06-23-99 10:37 AM ET
As Dirk and Kit step into what they think is a fully functioning vertical displacement device, a drama is played out in the social are above them.
Two lovers sit at one of the few remaining tables in the now abandoned cantina. One is clearly dying- he is slumped in a very unnatural pose across the lap of his beloved. A trained medical eye could probably determine that he has major internal haemorrages, and won't live very long.
"Nooo! John, don't d--"
"Litsen to me, Gary. I'm dying, ok? There's no use denying it. The Zorbonians got to me in the end."
"John!"
They exchange one last kiss, as a horde of Zorbonians burst through the doors. Just then, the elevator containing our two heroes explodes with a large bang, hurtling them out into the mess hall.
MikeH II posted 06-23-99 10:56 AM ET
A large cook hurls bundles out of the kitchen. "How many times do I have to tell you, no food when we are under attack!"
He hurls his meat cleaver at the heroes and they dodge out of the way nimbly. Unfortunately Kit slips on an old Nimberry and falls over the lip of the horizontal transport. Dick grabs him and tries to stop him falling but they both plummet back down the trnsport shaft.
Hugo Rune posted 06-23-99 01:41 PM ET
In the murky dephts of the Elevator shaft lives the mystical Greamell. It is a monster so hideous that if anyone ever sees it they immediately go insane. Luckily it lives in the dark- however, there it lurks for years at an end waiting for a tasty snack to drop by. And who does, if not Dirk and Kit?
"AAAAAArgh!!!!!"
walruskkkch posted 06-23-99 03:25 PM ET
...Cries the monster as it is flattened by are falling heroes. As luck would have it mystical monsters in this dimension lack the ability to above them since tasty souls are always found below. But while luck was having it for escaping a falling death it was totally avoiding any help in getting out of the bottom of an elevator shaft with no exits.
Trappist posted 06-23-99 03:44 PM ET
Kit pulled himself off the floor and wiped foul yellow ichor out of his eyes. He winced and grasped his side.
"Christ, I think I've cracked a rib."
Dirk stared up at the lip of the shaft, impossibly high above, then placed a reassuring hand on Kit's head, playfully tousling his curly hair.
Kit caught his breath, swallowed hard. Their gazes met.
"Kit?"
"Yes Dirk?"
"I've always loved you."
"I knew".
They met in a strong and tender embrace. A brief pause- and their hungry lips finally met....
Alphaman posted 06-23-99 03:49 PM ET
Then Dirk remembers he has his 4000 in 1 pocket knife with him. He goes past the spork and the nail clippers to get to the laser cutters. He uses it to make a hole in the metal walls and escape from the elevator shaft.
The two heroes run toward the escape pods, only to meet the nasty Dr Evil, the evil Zorbonian henchman.
Dr Evil: Now I have you. You couple of delicious humans.
Dr Evil then beggins slobbering and takes a spoon to Kit's head, beggining to feast on his tasty scalp.
OhWell posted 06-23-99 03:55 PM ET
Suddenly, the meat cleaver flies down the corridor hitting Dr Evil in the side of the head. It happens to hit him on the side of the head that is already a stainless steel plate so all it does is knock him down to the floor.
Alphaman posted 06-23-99 04:41 PM ET
So Dirk gets the "large hammer" extension of his pocket knife and begins clobbering Dr Evil in the head.
After about 5 minutes his arm gets tired and he still hasn't made a dent in Dr Evil's steel plated head.
eNo posted 06-23-99 04:46 PM ET
So he decided to go for another area for the body. Soon all the bones in Dr. Evil's body are smashed to dust. Dr. Evil's head detaches itself from the body and runs away. Apparently the steel plate is an advanced cybernetic implant that allows the brain to survive without the body.
Stasis Archon posted 06-23-99 04:50 PM ET
Unfortunately, it doesn't allow the brain to think without the body. Therefore dr Death's head turns around and starts running towards the vertical transportation device shaft. It climbs up and up and up. Then it falls down again.
SnowFire posted 06-23-99 08:58 PM ET
"Mommy, Billie's being mean to me again!"
"But mom, she has the mind of nimwit! She has no strategy at all!"
"Well you suck too!"
"I give her the Zorbonian side and she still loses every single game! The good guys escape! She deserves to be hit a few times!"
"That's not true! I was winning the game that one time, but you pulled the plug!"
"Suzie, Billie, quiet down. I'm talking to the nice man with the shotgun about violence and the relation to video games. Tell me, are you at all violent?"
"No, mommie."
"Okay. You should really turn those video games off though, I give you all those machetes outside to play with, and you still stick in here with those silly controllers."
The Nice Man with the Shotgun finishes his poll, shoots the display screen in which the game Conquer the Zorbonians! is in, and politely tips his hat as he leaves.
Billie & Suzie: Mommmmmmmie! We can't see what's happening now!
Q Cubed posted 06-23-99 10:10 PM ET
Suddenly, the TV comes back to life, displaying the message:
"I'm not dead yet!"
The cable guy walks in, and says,
"Yes, you are."
To which the TV responds:
"No, I'm not!"
The Nice Guy walks back in and says,
"I can help you with that, old chap."
He promptly takes out a bazooka and blows the TV to bits.
Galen posted 06-23-99 10:54 PM ET
As The Nice Man with the Shotgun walks out Kaltor the Great comes around the corner to meet him.
Kaltor the Great took out her gun, and aimed it at the Nice Man.
The Nice Man started running, before being shot down.
The Nice Man said, with his last dying breath: "At least..the TV...is gone..."
eNo posted 06-24-99 12:33 AM ET
Except is isn't. The TV recombines and the Suzie and Billie return to Conquer the Zorbonians!
Dirk: Dr. Evil a.k.a. Dr. Death, is no more.
Dr. Evil: So true, the two seperate personalities have been seperated and cloned. So now there are two of us!
Dr. Death: Prepare to die!
Mad laughter
Kit: Run! Watchout for the flying meat cleavers!
More laughter. Dr. Evil and Dr. Death chase after our heroes with leafblowers.
Hugo Rune posted 06-24-99 02:17 AM ET
Construnction details of the ZingWatz 2004c Leaf Blower:
Water vapour is flushed across a mainboard whereupon it is revapourised through a mortal coil. The now-lethal vapour is demagnetised and infizzled with vacuum, increasing the leathal dosage of asphyxated hydrogen over the n-axis. Then the vavopurise vacuum is expulged over a filter-accelerator, creating a lethal but deadly effect.
Dr. Evil's water hose breaks.
Evil: Damn!
Galen posted 06-24-99 02:23 AM ET
Dr. Evil:Wait, I have to tie my shoe. Okay, done.
Dirk:Ha! That has given us time to escape, now I will laugh until you catch up, for no reason.
Speaker:^{Elvis has left the building. Never mind, Elvis never WAS in the building.}
jig posted 06-24-99 02:32 AM ET
As they're running a naked wrinkly old woman jumps in front of them and says: "Boo!"
"Arrrrgggggghhhhhhh" went our heroes.
They were now pinned in the corridor with walls to their side, a naked wrinkly old woman blocking their way and Dr. Evil and his clone behind them.
MikeH II posted 06-24-99 05:16 AM ET
Dr. Evil noticed a small novelty cuddly toy by his feet and stooped to pick it up.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
SnowFire posted 06-24-99 07:17 AM ET
Dr. Death: That's it! Evil, you're on to something! We'll create our new world-conquering horde out of cute cuddly children's toys!
Dr. Evil: Nah, why give up a good thing? Let's keep on conquering with Zorbonians.
Dr. Death: Fine! You try that! We'll part our separate ways, and then see who's the better world conqueror!
While arguing, Dirk threw the naked old lady through the space-time portal and ran into the ventilation ducts, which were conviently built to second as escape routes as well.
Billy: Mom! Grandmom popped out of the remains of the TV! And she's now wearing any clothes!
SnowFire posted 06-24-99 07:34 AM ET
Billie: Er, I mean she's NOT wearing any clothes, mommie!
Alphaman posted 06-24-99 07:37 AM ET
Billy's naked grandmother starts to smother him with kisses and hugs.
Billy finds this more than disturbing. As he sees grandma's "funny bits" he freezes and his young mind is ruined forever.
MikeH II posted 06-24-99 07:37 AM ET
Billie:And by the way Mom I've changed sex so now I'm a girl called Billie not a boy called Billy!
OhWell posted 06-24-99 12:23 PM ET
�Mom... Billie is playing with my dolls.� whines Suzie. �He�s already broken my small novelty cuddly toy.�
�Now you kids play nice.� says the mother as she picks up the shotgun.
Alphaman posted 06-24-99 12:45 PM ET
Then she empties the gun straight into little Billy's head. Its blown clean off with the spinal cord poking out.
Redneck Momma: Its time to take out the trash.
With that she packs the remains of her beloved son into a garbage bag and puts it out to be collected.
OhWell posted 06-24-99 01:04 PM ET
The garbage man, who is really an out of work neurosurgeon, finds the head. He uses a spare stainless steel plate to repair the damage.
Q Cubed posted 06-24-99 03:39 PM ET
After repairing the skull with a steel plate, he notifies Billie that he now has the Knack.
This will allow him to fix anything mechanical, but also makes him devoid of all social skills.
Hugo Rune posted 06-24-99 03:41 PM ET
He then finds solace in the head, and keeps it for companion. The head slowly grows up until one day...
"Daddy?" Billie asked, "why am I only a head and you a whole body?"
"Well, son, You see, I found you like this, you were a body once, and a female one, too!"
"I want a body! BWAAAAH!"
"Look, here's what we'll do. You step into the time machine and I will send you back to the time you lost your head."
"Sounds good to me!"
OhWell posted 06-24-99 03:59 PM ET
But the time machine malfunctions and sends Billie into the future where he becomes Dr Evil...
JohnIII posted 06-24-99 04:02 PM ET
Or Dr. Live, as Billie's spellcheck has gone AWOL...
SnowFire posted 06-24-99 06:41 PM ET
A fairly large spaceship come crashing to the ground mere yards away from the garbage man. Immediately, beings strongly resemling Zorbonians as well as two humans in ridiculous jumpsuits start climbing out of the ship from all parts of it.
"Hmph," the garbageman says, "this job might even be a little bit tough for the Knack."
Galen posted 06-24-99 07:11 PM ET
Suddenly, Dirk had an idea!
Dirk: If we can get them to focus all their energies on something strange but really addicting, they couldn't pursue us!
: irk quickly installs SMAC and Quake 3 test on all the computers::
eNo posted 06-24-99 11:20 PM ET
[I]Billie continues his search for a body and as Dr. Evil, has the resouces to grow one. Unfortunately it is the horse a giraff and now towers over everybody. He also has a craving for the top leaves of a tree.[I]
OhWell posted 06-25-99 02:10 PM ET
One day, Billie, with the body of a giraffe, is in the mood for a little ash. Unfortunately, there are no ash trees on Zorbonia. So, Billie hops in his custom built evil-ship, which looks like a beautiful fountain, and flies to earth. He lands in downtown Cincinnati smack (no pun intended) on top of the fountain in Fountain Square smashing it flat. Immediately, workers began building a wall around the fountain so that no one can see it. Billie rushes out of the ship and asks if they have any ash. They don�t understand him as he is speaking Zorbonian which sounds like a cross between a moose in heat and a truck with bad brakes. The workers jump back, startled. A Cincinnati police car screeches to a stop. Two cops jump out. �How in the h*** did a giraffe get down town?� asks the first cop �Uhhh, maybe he took the bus...� responds the second. The first cop glares at the second �Stupid! Lets get him back to the Zoo!� The cops draw their guns and herd Billie on to a waiting truck. All the time Billie is trying to explain that he just wants a little ash, but no one pays any attention. Finally, after he is locked up with the other giraffes in the Zoo, Billie remembers that most people in Cincinnati do not speak Zorbonian...
SnowFire posted 06-25-99 03:58 PM ET
Meanwhile, Dirk and Kit, after escaping from the burning remains of the ship in their ridiculous jumpsuits, decide to climb into the sky and become constellations, inspiring future generations and re-acting out their eternal battle with the Zorbonians in the sky. While up there, they even learn a little Greek when talking with the other constellations.
Borodino posted 06-26-99 11:59 AM ET
Unfortunately for our newly born constellations, the International Astronomers Guild, determined to keep the number of constellations at 88, has removed them from all star-charts.
The International Kit and Dirk Star Society begins a lobbying campaign to remove the constellations Dorodo and Circinus fom the Southern Sky instead, since nobody has any idea where they are anyway.
As the bureacratic battle rages...
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Author	Topic: And now for something completely different. (Add-a-line story)
SnowFire	posted 06-23-99 10:23 AM ET There haven't been many story threads lately, so let's try one. The only requirement is to keep your posts somewhat short, and be creative. And keep the plot turning in new, unexpected ways. Don't scum to the same line of thought for too many posts in a row. Dirk Dangerous stumbled through the smoking corridors. "We've got to reach the escape ship! The Zorbonians take no prisinors!" But Kit Kourage disagreed. "We're abondoning our fellow comrades! We might still win the battle!" "Who cares about our comrades? Come on, let's save our own neck, and kill some Zorbonians in the process." The loudspeaker crackled. "This is Grand Vizier Vile of the Zorbonians. This is just a reminder that we take no prisinors and your forces are hopelessly outnumbered by hordes of our incredibly stupid troops entering your ship right now. We will dine on human steak tonight. Muahahahaha..." "It'd be less annoying if he didn't have to announce that every single time he boards a ship," Kit declared.
Hugo Rune	posted 06-23-99 10:37 AM ET As Dirk and Kit step into what they think is a fully functioning vertical displacement device, a drama is played out in the social are above them. Two lovers sit at one of the few remaining tables in the now abandoned cantina. One is clearly dying- he is slumped in a very unnatural pose across the lap of his beloved. A trained medical eye could probably determine that he has major internal haemorrages, and won't live very long. "Nooo! John, don't d--" "Litsen to me, Gary. I'm dying, ok? There's no use denying it. The Zorbonians got to me in the end." "John!" They exchange one last kiss, as a horde of Zorbonians burst through the doors. Just then, the elevator containing our two heroes explodes with a large bang, hurtling them out into the mess hall.
MikeH II	posted 06-23-99 10:56 AM ET A large cook hurls bundles out of the kitchen. "How many times do I have to tell you, no food when we are under attack!" He hurls his meat cleaver at the heroes and they dodge out of the way nimbly. Unfortunately Kit slips on an old Nimberry and falls over the lip of the horizontal transport. Dick grabs him and tries to stop him falling but they both plummet back down the trnsport shaft.
Hugo Rune	posted 06-23-99 01:41 PM ET In the murky dephts of the Elevator shaft lives the mystical Greamell. It is a monster so hideous that if anyone ever sees it they immediately go insane. Luckily it lives in the dark- however, there it lurks for years at an end waiting for a tasty snack to drop by. And who does, if not Dirk and Kit? "AAAAAArgh!!!!!"
walruskkkch	posted 06-23-99 03:25 PM ET ...Cries the monster as it is flattened by are falling heroes. As luck would have it mystical monsters in this dimension lack the ability to above them since tasty souls are always found below. But while luck was having it for escaping a falling death it was totally avoiding any help in getting out of the bottom of an elevator shaft with no exits.
Trappist	posted 06-23-99 03:44 PM ET Kit pulled himself off the floor and wiped foul yellow ichor out of his eyes. He winced and grasped his side. "Christ, I think I've cracked a rib." Dirk stared up at the lip of the shaft, impossibly high above, then placed a reassuring hand on Kit's head, playfully tousling his curly hair. Kit caught his breath, swallowed hard. Their gazes met. "Kit?" "Yes Dirk?" "I've always loved you." "I knew". They met in a strong and tender embrace. A brief pause- and their hungry lips finally met....
Alphaman	posted 06-23-99 03:49 PM ET Then Dirk remembers he has his 4000 in 1 pocket knife with him. He goes past the spork and the nail clippers to get to the laser cutters. He uses it to make a hole in the metal walls and escape from the elevator shaft. The two heroes run toward the escape pods, only to meet the nasty Dr Evil, the evil Zorbonian henchman. Dr Evil: Now I have you. You couple of delicious humans. Dr Evil then beggins slobbering and takes a spoon to Kit's head, beggining to feast on his tasty scalp.
OhWell	posted 06-23-99 03:55 PM ET Suddenly, the meat cleaver flies down the corridor hitting Dr Evil in the side of the head. It happens to hit him on the side of the head that is already a stainless steel plate so all it does is knock him down to the floor.
Alphaman	posted 06-23-99 04:41 PM ET So Dirk gets the "large hammer" extension of his pocket knife and begins clobbering Dr Evil in the head. After about 5 minutes his arm gets tired and he still hasn't made a dent in Dr Evil's steel plated head.
eNo	posted 06-23-99 04:46 PM ET So he decided to go for another area for the body. Soon all the bones in Dr. Evil's body are smashed to dust. Dr. Evil's head detaches itself from the body and runs away. Apparently the steel plate is an advanced cybernetic implant that allows the brain to survive without the body.
Stasis Archon	posted 06-23-99 04:50 PM ET Unfortunately, it doesn't allow the brain to think without the body. Therefore dr Death's head turns around and starts running towards the vertical transportation device shaft. It climbs up and up and up. Then it falls down again.
SnowFire	posted 06-23-99 08:58 PM ET "Mommy, Billie's being mean to me again!" "But mom, she has the mind of nimwit! She has no strategy at all!" "Well you suck too!" "I give her the Zorbonian side and she still loses every single game! The good guys escape! She deserves to be hit a few times!" "That's not true! I was winning the game that one time, but you pulled the plug!" "Suzie, Billie, quiet down. I'm talking to the nice man with the shotgun about violence and the relation to video games. Tell me, are you at all violent?" "No, mommie." "Okay. You should really turn those video games off though, I give you all those machetes outside to play with, and you still stick in here with those silly controllers." The Nice Man with the Shotgun finishes his poll, shoots the display screen in which the game Conquer the Zorbonians!* is in, and politely tips his hat as he leaves.* Billie & Suzie: Mommmmmmmie! We can't see what's happening now!
Q Cubed	posted 06-23-99 10:10 PM ET Suddenly, the TV comes back to life, displaying the message: "I'm not dead yet!" The cable guy walks in, and says, "Yes, you are." To which the TV responds: "No, I'm not!" The Nice Guy walks back in and says, "I can help you with that, old chap." He promptly takes out a bazooka and blows the TV to bits.
Galen	posted 06-23-99 10:54 PM ET As The Nice Man with the Shotgun walks out Kaltor the Great comes around the corner to meet him. Kaltor the Great took out her gun, and aimed it at the Nice Man. The Nice Man started running, before being shot down. The Nice Man said, with his last dying breath: "At least..the TV...is gone..."
eNo	posted 06-24-99 12:33 AM ET Except is isn't. The TV recombines and the Suzie and Billie return to Conquer the Zorbonians! Dirk: Dr. Evil a.k.a. Dr. Death, is no more. Dr. Evil: So true, the two seperate personalities have been seperated and cloned. So now there are two of us! Dr. Death: Prepare to die! Mad laughter Kit: Run! Watchout for the flying meat cleavers! More laughter. Dr. Evil and Dr. Death chase after our heroes with leafblowers.
Hugo Rune	posted 06-24-99 02:17 AM ET Construnction details of the ZingWatz 2004c Leaf Blower: Water vapour is flushed across a mainboard whereupon it is revapourised through a mortal coil. The now-lethal vapour is demagnetised and infizzled with vacuum, increasing the leathal dosage of asphyxated hydrogen over the n-axis. Then the vavopurise vacuum is expulged over a filter-accelerator, creating a lethal but deadly effect. Dr. Evil's water hose breaks. Evil: Damn!
Galen	posted 06-24-99 02:23 AM ET Dr. Evil:Wait, I have to tie my shoe. Okay, done. Dirk:Ha! That has given us time to escape, now I will laugh until you catch up, for no reason. Speaker:^{Elvis has left the building. Never mind, Elvis never WAS in the building.}
jig	posted 06-24-99 02:32 AM ET As they're running a naked wrinkly old woman jumps in front of them and says: "Boo!" "Arrrrgggggghhhhhhh" went our heroes. They were now pinned in the corridor with walls to their side, a naked wrinkly old woman blocking their way and Dr. Evil and his clone behind them.
MikeH II	posted 06-24-99 05:16 AM ET Dr. Evil noticed a small novelty cuddly toy by his feet and stooped to pick it up. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
SnowFire	posted 06-24-99 07:17 AM ET Dr. Death: That's it! Evil, you're on to something! We'll create our new world-conquering horde out of cute cuddly children's toys! Dr. Evil: Nah, why give up a good thing? Let's keep on conquering with Zorbonians. Dr. Death: Fine! You try that! We'll part our separate ways, and then see who's the better world conqueror! While arguing, Dirk threw the naked old lady through the space-time portal and ran into the ventilation ducts, which were conviently built to second as escape routes as well. Billy: Mom! Grandmom popped out of the remains of the TV! And she's now wearing any clothes!
SnowFire	posted 06-24-99 07:34 AM ET Billie: Er, I mean she's NOT wearing any clothes, mommie!
Alphaman	posted 06-24-99 07:37 AM ET Billy's naked grandmother starts to smother him with kisses and hugs. Billy finds this more than disturbing. As he sees grandma's "funny bits" he freezes and his young mind is ruined forever.
MikeH II	posted 06-24-99 07:37 AM ET Billie:And by the way Mom I've changed sex so now I'm a girl called Billie not a boy called Billy!
OhWell	posted 06-24-99 12:23 PM ET �Mom... Billie is playing with my dolls.� whines Suzie. �He�s already broken my small novelty cuddly toy.� �Now you kids play nice.� says the mother as she picks up the shotgun.
Alphaman	posted 06-24-99 12:45 PM ET Then she empties the gun straight into little Billy's head. Its blown clean off with the spinal cord poking out. Redneck Momma: Its time to take out the trash. With that she packs the remains of her beloved son into a garbage bag and puts it out to be collected.
OhWell	posted 06-24-99 01:04 PM ET The garbage man, who is really an out of work neurosurgeon, finds the head. He uses a spare stainless steel plate to repair the damage.
Q Cubed	posted 06-24-99 03:39 PM ET After repairing the skull with a steel plate, he notifies Billie that he now has the Knack. This will allow him to fix anything mechanical, but also makes him devoid of all social skills.
Hugo Rune	posted 06-24-99 03:41 PM ET He then finds solace in the head, and keeps it for companion. The head slowly grows up until one day... "Daddy?" Billie asked, "why am I only a head and you a whole body?" "Well, son, You see, I found you like this, you were a body once, and a female one, too!" "I want a body! BWAAAAH!" "Look, here's what we'll do. You step into the time machine and I will send you back to the time you lost your head." "Sounds good to me!"
OhWell	posted 06-24-99 03:59 PM ET But the time machine malfunctions and sends Billie into the future where he becomes Dr Evil...
JohnIII	posted 06-24-99 04:02 PM ET Or Dr. Live, as Billie's spellcheck has gone AWOL...
SnowFire	posted 06-24-99 06:41 PM ET A fairly large spaceship come crashing to the ground mere yards away from the garbage man. Immediately, beings strongly resemling Zorbonians as well as two humans in ridiculous jumpsuits start climbing out of the ship from all parts of it. "Hmph," the garbageman says, "this job might even be a little bit tough for the Knack."
Galen	posted 06-24-99 07:11 PM ET Suddenly, Dirk had an idea! Dirk: If we can get them to focus all their energies on something strange but really addicting, they couldn't pursue us! : irk quickly installs SMAC and Quake 3 test on all the computers::
eNo	posted 06-24-99 11:20 PM ET [I]Billie continues his search for a body and as Dr. Evil, has the resouces to grow one. Unfortunately it is the horse a giraff and now towers over everybody. He also has a craving for the top leaves of a tree.[I]
OhWell	posted 06-25-99 02:10 PM ET One day, Billie, with the body of a giraffe, is in the mood for a little ash. Unfortunately, there are no ash trees on Zorbonia. So, Billie hops in his custom built evil-ship, which looks like a beautiful fountain, and flies to earth. He lands in downtown Cincinnati smack (no pun intended) on top of the fountain in Fountain Square smashing it flat. Immediately, workers began building a wall around the fountain so that no one can see it. Billie rushes out of the ship and asks if they have any ash. They don�t understand him as he is speaking Zorbonian which sounds like a cross between a moose in heat and a truck with bad brakes. The workers jump back, startled. A Cincinnati police car screeches to a stop. Two cops jump out. �How in the h*** did a giraffe get down town?� asks the first cop �Uhhh, maybe he took the bus...� responds the second. The first cop glares at the second �Stupid! Lets get him back to the Zoo!� The cops draw their guns and herd Billie on to a waiting truck. All the time Billie is trying to explain that he just wants a little ash, but no one pays any attention. Finally, after he is locked up with the other giraffes in the Zoo, Billie remembers that most people in Cincinnati do not speak Zorbonian...
SnowFire	posted 06-25-99 03:58 PM ET Meanwhile, Dirk and Kit, after escaping from the burning remains of the ship in their ridiculous jumpsuits, decide to climb into the sky and become constellations, inspiring future generations and re-acting out their eternal battle with the Zorbonians in the sky. While up there, they even learn a little Greek when talking with the other constellations.
Borodino	posted 06-26-99 11:59 AM ET Unfortunately for our newly born constellations, the International Astronomers Guild, determined to keep the number of constellations at 88, has removed them from all star-charts. The International Kit and Dirk Star Society begins a lobbying campaign to remove the constellations Dorodo and Circinus fom the Southern Sky instead, since nobody has any idea where they are anyway. As the bureacratic battle rages...