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Author Topic:   The Honeymoon Suite

Alphaman posted 06-22-99 12:27 PM ET
This is a thread to discuss matters of the heart.
As is obligatory, I shall go first.
I'm 19 and before you dismiss me as having no 'real' experience in love or relationships, let me just wag my finger at you and say "wrong, mister".
My life of free love began at about 16 or 17 when I started to really explore the opposite sex (my name is Alphaman). I found them to be a great source of fun and pleasure (mutual, of course) but as I jumped from person to person, I started to wonder. Is this what I really wanted? I never did get around to answering that question.
Then, about 6-7 months ago I became better friends at Uni with a girl who I had gone to high school with for 5 years (irony, how I hate thee). Anyway, we hit it off and we are still together and going great. Now here is the tricky part.
She is a wonderful person and the kind of woman you (well me) always want to marry. But, to be honest, the person you want to marry and the person you want to have 'fun' with in your youth can be two different things.
I am, sad to say, a very superficial person. To me, looks are everything. Now, I'm not saying my girlfriend is not good looking, far from it. But I can't help but wonder sometimes of how well I could do if I went solo a bit and looked around.
My only fear is that I wont find anyone who is good both on the outside and on the inside. My g/f is 100% on the inside.
Am I a bad person for wanting someone who is 100% on the outside?
Is there a human being alive who is 100% on the inside and outside?
Do you have a sad tale of your own or critical comment to make about my outlook on life?
Saras posted 06-23-99 03:36 AM ET
Haha! My Wife 1.0 pre-release demo is 100%IN/100%OUT. Guess you just have to look for someone else (do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice ).
Roland posted 06-23-99 04:10 AM ET
Saras:
do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice
But I was right to rely on your advice in investment matters ? What ? No ? Aaaarghhh....
Aman, if you see it that way, you gotta do whatever makes you happy. Just one caveat: Keep in mind, with a bit _more_ experience, your attitude might change, and you might do something now you'll regret a lot later on... If you say "live for today", please ignore this advice...
Saras posted 06-23-99 04:40 AM ET
Don't worry, Roland, it will all work out in the long run...
Saras posted 06-23-99 04:44 AM ET
To be serious - love based on beauty dies with the beauty. (some Russian poet, either Pushkin or Lermontov)
Tolls posted 06-23-99 05:05 AM ET
"Am I a bad person for wanting someone who is 100% on the outside?"
Yes, you are evil incarnate. You are so evil that people call you EEEEE-VIL...
"Is there a human being alive who is 100% on the inside and outside?"
Yes...me...
I hope this has been of some help to you...
Doctor Who posted 06-23-99 05:25 AM ET
A woman loves to be loved,
she desires to be desired,
she adores to be adored,
but more than anything else,
a woman needs to be needed.
(Frederick Forsyth,"No comebacks")
I guess, what I'm trying to say, is : If your girlfriend doesn't have what you really need, then both of you will eventually grow bored. The big question is, if you can predict, what you're gonna need in the long run.
Just my 0.02$ worth, good luck.
GaryD posted 06-23-99 08:16 AM ET

quote:
do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice
What not even that bit ? So I do.. er don't.. er do... Arrhh
Alphaman: At nineteen you have still some maturing to do. Maybe you can argue we all have, but that is a different subject.
You're presently looking for 100% on the outside (sod the inside) ? Well keep looking, but realise there is a chance you will spend the rest of your life in fruitless search.
If one seems 100% now, will she in a week's time, a year's time, ten year's time ? Sh1t ! What's the point ? Provided she is physically attractive enough to interest you, you ought not worry about illusive perfection. But it's your choice.
Regarding your present girlfriend. She probably deserves better than someone who has such doubts. Are you sure you're up to a permanent relationship with her ?
OK if the thread was started after a few drinks and the tendency to exaggerate, then maybe you are not any more unsure than a lot of others. But a lot of others don't feel the need to express it.
Tell you what. Go solo for a bit and give her space to see if you really are the one for her. You might clear things up in your own mind too. Better to screw things up now than later.
My belief, FWIW is that there is no 100% ideal person for any of us. We're not 100% inside or out after all. The hope is to find someone you can share your existence with. To build a relationship than transcends pure physical lust (although that's nice too - buy some nudie books !). That means discovering if your can tolerate your partner's "faults" or whether they will wear you down to the stage when the relationship will inevitably fail. It's all down to working at the relationship, not taking things for granted.
But I still stand by my earlier advice. By posting here you are probably confirming that you need a break to bring you to your senses (one way or the other). Just remember you can't blame the advisor if things don't work out as you hope. Each individual makes their own mind up.
MikeH II posted 06-23-99 08:32 AM ET
I think you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone it doesn't matter what she looks like you think she is the most beautiful person on the planet.
MikeH, just about over that person.
Picker posted 06-23-99 08:36 AM ET
Saras: Yeah but but love based on beauty and personality will become love based solely on personality as you grow older together.
Saras posted 06-23-99 08:45 AM ET
But it WILL be based!
OldWarrior_42 posted 06-23-99 10:05 AM ET
Here is some food for thought..Aman....Does she look at you as being 100/100? You might decide yeah she is what I want but find that she doesnt feel the same way. Personally ...no one is 100/100..not even ourselves. You take the person for what they are and if you love them enough to have a lifelong relationship then you consistently work to make it happen. You both will grow as people that way . Anyway good luck if you choose to be superficial....you never know what you had until you dont have it anymore.
DanS posted 06-23-99 10:29 AM ET
I agree with GaryD. Many of the most happily married couples that I know have had at least one break-up. If you are confused about what you want, just be honest with her (well, mostly--you can figure out the balance) and take some time off. It will allow you to evaluate things more objectively, and you should find out fairly quickly what she offers for you, because you will miss that acutely.
She may also find a 100% inside person to take your place (you have said that you are shallow). But everything in love is a roll of the dice.
Alphaman posted 06-23-99 04:12 PM ET
To those who thought I had a few drinks before posting here - Oh, how right you were.
I wasnt drunk, but it did make me think differenty.
Last night my g/f informed me that today we had been together for exactly 9 mths. (shame on me, I didn't know that)
I am too scared to let go of what I have just to see what else I could have. That is, I will not desert my g/f just so I can find out that most women are slags.
I think I will stick with her and try my best to hide the fact of exactly how shallow my mentality is. Like I said, we get along very well and I think she is the exact person I would want to have. Just in Cindy Crawford's body. (or a Cindy look alike - I'm not fussy )
My thinking is that the physical aspect of a relationship can be bought at a nearby brothel anyway, so its more important to get along with the other person.
Valtyr posted 06-23-99 05:00 PM ET
*sob*
Hege, I still love you!
*sob*
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Author	Topic: The Honeymoon Suite
Alphaman	posted 06-22-99 12:27 PM ET This is a thread to discuss matters of the heart. As is obligatory, I shall go first. I'm 19 and before you dismiss me as having no 'real' experience in love or relationships, let me just wag my finger at you and say "wrong, mister". My life of free love began at about 16 or 17 when I started to really explore the opposite sex (my name is Alphaman). I found them to be a great source of fun and pleasure (mutual, of course) but as I jumped from person to person, I started to wonder. Is this what I really wanted? I never did get around to answering that question. Then, about 6-7 months ago I became better friends at Uni with a girl who I had gone to high school with for 5 years (irony, how I hate thee). Anyway, we hit it off and we are still together and going great. Now here is the tricky part. She is a wonderful person and the kind of woman you (well me) always want to marry. But, to be honest, the person you want to marry and the person you want to have 'fun' with in your youth can be two different things. I am, sad to say, a very superficial person. To me, looks are everything. Now, I'm not saying my girlfriend is not good looking, far from it. But I can't help but wonder sometimes of how well I could do if I went solo a bit and looked around. My only fear is that I wont find anyone who is good both on the outside and on the inside. My g/f is 100% on the inside. Am I a bad person for wanting someone who is 100% on the outside? Is there a human being alive who is 100% on the inside and outside? Do you have a sad tale of your own or critical comment to make about my outlook on life?
Saras	posted 06-23-99 03:36 AM ET Haha! My Wife 1.0 pre-release demo is 100%IN/100%OUT. Guess you just have to look for someone else (do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice ).
Roland	posted 06-23-99 04:10 AM ET Saras: do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice But I was right to rely on your advice in investment matters ? What ? No ? Aaaarghhh.... Aman, if you see it that way, you gotta do whatever makes you happy. Just one caveat: Keep in mind, with a bit _more_ experience, your attitude might change, and you might do something now you'll regret a lot later on... If you say "live for today", please ignore this advice...
Saras	posted 06-23-99 04:40 AM ET Don't worry, Roland, it will all work out in the long run...
Saras	posted 06-23-99 04:44 AM ET To be serious - love based on beauty dies with the beauty. (some Russian poet, either Pushkin or Lermontov)
Tolls	posted 06-23-99 05:05 AM ET "Am I a bad person for wanting someone who is 100% on the outside?" Yes, you are evil incarnate. You are so evil that people call you EEEEE-VIL... "Is there a human being alive who is 100% on the inside and outside?" Yes...me... I hope this has been of some help to you...
Doctor Who	posted 06-23-99 05:25 AM ET A woman loves to be loved, she desires to be desired, she adores to be adored, but more than anything else, a woman needs to be needed. (Frederick Forsyth,"No comebacks") I guess, what I'm trying to say, is : If your girlfriend doesn't have what you really need, then both of you will eventually grow bored. The big question is, if you can predict, what you're gonna need in the long run. Just my 0.02$ worth, good luck.
GaryD	posted 06-23-99 08:16 AM ET quote: do not take my advice, I repeat, never EVER take my advice What not even that bit ? So I do.. er don't.. er do... Arrhh Alphaman: At nineteen you have still some maturing to do. Maybe you can argue we all have, but that is a different subject. You're presently looking for 100% on the outside (sod the inside) ? Well keep looking, but realise there is a chance you will spend the rest of your life in fruitless search. If one seems 100% now, will she in a week's time, a year's time, ten year's time ? Sh1t ! What's the point ? Provided she is physically attractive enough to interest you, you ought not worry about illusive perfection. But it's your choice. Regarding your present girlfriend. She probably deserves better than someone who has such doubts. Are you sure you're up to a permanent relationship with her ? OK if the thread was started after a few drinks and the tendency to exaggerate, then maybe you are not any more unsure than a lot of others. But a lot of others don't feel the need to express it. Tell you what. Go solo for a bit and give her space to see if you really are the one for her. You might clear things up in your own mind too. Better to screw things up now than later. My belief, FWIW is that there is no 100% ideal person for any of us. We're not 100% inside or out after all. The hope is to find someone you can share your existence with. To build a relationship than transcends pure physical lust (although that's nice too - buy some nudie books !). That means discovering if your can tolerate your partner's "faults" or whether they will wear you down to the stage when the relationship will inevitably fail. It's all down to working at the relationship, not taking things for granted. But I still stand by my earlier advice. By posting here you are probably confirming that you need a break to bring you to your senses (one way or the other). Just remember you can't blame the advisor if things don't work out as you hope. Each individual makes their own mind up.
MikeH II	posted 06-23-99 08:32 AM ET I think you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone it doesn't matter what she looks like you think she is the most beautiful person on the planet. MikeH, just about over that person.
Picker	posted 06-23-99 08:36 AM ET Saras: Yeah but but love based on beauty and personality will become love based solely on personality as you grow older together.
Saras	posted 06-23-99 08:45 AM ET But it WILL be based!
OldWarrior_42	posted 06-23-99 10:05 AM ET Here is some food for thought..Aman....Does she look at you as being 100/100? You might decide yeah she is what I want but find that she doesnt feel the same way. Personally ...no one is 100/100..not even ourselves. You take the person for what they are and if you love them enough to have a lifelong relationship then you consistently work to make it happen. You both will grow as people that way . Anyway good luck if you choose to be superficial....you never know what you had until you dont have it anymore.
DanS	posted 06-23-99 10:29 AM ET I agree with GaryD. Many of the most happily married couples that I know have had at least one break-up. If you are confused about what you want, just be honest with her (well, mostly--you can figure out the balance) and take some time off. It will allow you to evaluate things more objectively, and you should find out fairly quickly what she offers for you, because you will miss that acutely. She may also find a 100% inside person to take your place (you have said that you are shallow). But everything in love is a roll of the dice.
Alphaman	posted 06-23-99 04:12 PM ET To those who thought I had a few drinks before posting here - Oh, how right you were. I wasnt drunk, but it did make me think differenty. Last night my g/f informed me that today we had been together for exactly 9 mths. (shame on me, I didn't know that) I am too scared to let go of what I have just to see what else I could have. That is, I will not desert my g/f just so I can find out that most women are slags. I think I will stick with her and try my best to hide the fact of exactly how shallow my mentality is. Like I said, we get along very well and I think she is the exact person I would want to have. Just in Cindy Crawford's body. (or a Cindy look alike - I'm not fussy ) My thinking is that the physical aspect of a relationship can be bought at a nearby brothel anyway, so its more important to get along with the other person.
Valtyr	posted 06-23-99 05:00 PM ET sob Hege, I still love you! sob