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Author Topic:   Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo

Alphaman posted 06-13-99 02:33 PM ET
Welcome to Aman's Virual Petting Zoo
The place where you can get up close and personal with a wide range of friendly, vicious, deadly, and boring animals.
Each piccie will be followed by me introducing you to the pictured animal as well as giving you a chance to pet it.
Please observe the "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign.
Alphaman posted 06-13-99 02:37 PM ET

First up we have the native Australian animals, to give all you foreigners a chance to see our wide range of weird animals with pouches.
Whats a pouch you ask? Well its like a scrotum turned inside out where you can put stuff in.
This is a big fat koala, for those of you with no idea about animals. Koalas are well known for their massive claws with which they grab onto unsuspecting Japanese tourists.
Alphaman posted 06-13-99 02:42 PM ET

Well thats all the Australian animals we have at Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo so next up we have this big ugly dog.
A great Dane if I'm not mistaken. These dogs are excellent for crushing small unsuspecting children and slobbering a bucket's worth every five minutes.
What the hell is a dog doing in a zoo you ask? Well I dunno. Just go with it ok?
Alphaman posted 06-13-99 02:47 PM ET

Next up we have orangutans. These are supposedly the next most intelligent animals after humans. Them or dolphins. I forget.
Anyway, these guys are pretty cool. I would like to have one as a pet, just walking around the house, fetching me stuff.
The thing that put me off that idea though is my fear that it will just reach up and crush my genitalia. Cos the monkey thinks its just playing and stuff. Scary.
Alphaman posted 06-13-99 02:54 PM ET

This is some weird bug thing. I dunno what the hell this is actually.
But if you are seeing these while walking around the place then you know your country is suffering from a biblical plague or something.
Reach for the fly swatter. (unless this picture is lifesize - then I suggest you start running)
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:23 AM ET

This is a dinosaur. How the fu%&? you say. Well this is a virtual zoo. Using the most modern techniques we have been able to recreate this magnificent creature for your amusement.
Please watch the dino droppings, which are the size of a small house.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:29 AM ET

What the hell is this? Anyone who can answer that question (without looking up the corresponding web site) gets a prize.
And since this is Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo the prizes are huge
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:33 AM ET

And who can tell me the name of the pictured Greek philosopher?
Once again, without looking up my source.
That would be cheating.
At Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo the penalty for cheating is instant elecroshock followed by insertion of a virus into your computer. So don't cheat!
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:39 AM ET

We at Aman's VPZ are constantly looking out for the welfare and safety of our visitors. So to that end we have a life guard ready to give you a 'hand' in case you need it.
She will be gentle. (Unless you dont want her to be )
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:46 AM ET

For those of you who misbehave we have 'security' handy. This lovely young lady will spank any of you who choose to be naughty.
Aman is overwhelmed by wave of misbehaviour
C'mon guys! Settle down.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:50 AM ET

And who do we have here? Why its the chick off Party of 5. Say HI everyone.
Everyone: Hi Neve!
Photos with Neve will be $50 each.
Photos with Neve in the nude will be $500 each.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 11:59 AM ET

This is an image of the Gulf War. Nasty stuff.
Anyone here a gun toting psychopath? Please make your way to the back of the zoo.
4Horses posted 06-14-99 12:01 PM ET
Yes, the pictures of the bugs ARE lifesize.
How much for a real Neve? And does she come with a security escort?
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:16 PM ET

This is just me and my girlfriend cruising around in my Merc.

Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:19 PM ET

This is your girlfriend taking you for a ride in her cool new car.

Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:32 PM ET
I'm afraid Neve is not mine to sell. And if she was I wouldn't be selling.
But the prize for guessing the above pic (the weird one with the wobbly crap) is Neve, the lifeguard, and the security girl.
All at once.
I told you the prizes here are big.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:36 PM ET

Runner up prize is an all expenses paid trip to the Academy Awards where you can meet celebs like Jenny McCarthy.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:41 PM ET

Or maybe some of the braindead morons from Ally McBeal. That chick is a skinny rake of an anorexic.
Eat damn you EAT!
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:51 PM ET

Lets turn to some celebs who area actually worth talking about.
Phil Hartman (RIP) was much loved. He featured as many lovable characters such as the voice of Troy McLure off the Simpsons and Bill McNeil off that TV show about the radio show. I forget what that was called. But it was damn funny.
A true comedian.
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:55 PM ET

This fat purple character on the other hand is nothing but a tool for propaganda aimed at little kids. Barney, as he is called, is the mouthpiece of the government as he waddles around acting like a total knob head.
Two plus two is four
Two plus two is four
Two plus two is four
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 12:59 PM ET

And to end today's tour on a peaceful note, let us go to Vatican City.
Amen says Aman.
Picker posted 06-14-99 12:59 PM ET
1+1 is 3
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 01:04 PM ET
We at Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo would like to thank all our patrons for visiting this little thread.
We hope you have enjoyed your stay, even though there wasn't really anything to pet toward the end of the tour. But Barney is kind of like an animal.
Anyway, if you have any comments or questions about the Zoo, please feel free to post them here.
Aman
Zookeeper
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 01:42 PM ET
Disclaimer:
I refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever for any laws or bylaws that I may have broken by the creation of this Virtual Petting Zoo. So you can't touch me you legal whiz kids. Hahahahaa!
Stasis Archon posted 06-14-99 01:58 PM ET
The philosopher would be Socrates. I still have no idea what that wobbly crap is. Looks like modern art to me.
Stasis Archon posted 06-14-99 02:02 PM ET
What did I win?
Alphaman posted 06-14-99 02:14 PM ET

As many steaks as you can grab!
Alphaman posted 06-15-99 07:27 AM ET
I hear a steak calling your name.
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Author	Topic: Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo
Alphaman	posted 06-13-99 02:33 PM ET Welcome to Aman's Virual Petting Zoo The place where you can get up close and personal with a wide range of friendly, vicious, deadly, and boring animals. Each piccie will be followed by me introducing you to the pictured animal as well as giving you a chance to pet it. Please observe the "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS" sign.
Alphaman	posted 06-13-99 02:37 PM ET First up we have the native Australian animals, to give all you foreigners a chance to see our wide range of weird animals with pouches. Whats a pouch you ask? Well its like a scrotum turned inside out where you can put stuff in. This is a big fat koala, for those of you with no idea about animals. Koalas are well known for their massive claws with which they grab onto unsuspecting Japanese tourists.
Alphaman	posted 06-13-99 02:42 PM ET Well thats all the Australian animals we have at Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo so next up we have this big ugly dog. A great Dane if I'm not mistaken. These dogs are excellent for crushing small unsuspecting children and slobbering a bucket's worth every five minutes. What the hell is a dog doing in a zoo you ask? Well I dunno. Just go with it ok?
Alphaman	posted 06-13-99 02:47 PM ET Next up we have orangutans. These are supposedly the next most intelligent animals after humans. Them or dolphins. I forget. Anyway, these guys are pretty cool. I would like to have one as a pet, just walking around the house, fetching me stuff. The thing that put me off that idea though is my fear that it will just reach up and crush my genitalia. Cos the monkey thinks its just playing and stuff. Scary.
Alphaman	posted 06-13-99 02:54 PM ET This is some weird bug thing. I dunno what the hell this is actually. But if you are seeing these while walking around the place then you know your country is suffering from a biblical plague or something. Reach for the fly swatter. (unless this picture is lifesize - then I suggest you start running)
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:23 AM ET This is a dinosaur. How the fu%&? you say. Well this is a virtual zoo. Using the most modern techniques we have been able to recreate this magnificent creature for your amusement. Please watch the dino droppings, which are the size of a small house.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:29 AM ET What the hell is this? Anyone who can answer that question (without looking up the corresponding web site) gets a prize. And since this is Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo the prizes are huge
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:33 AM ET And who can tell me the name of the pictured Greek philosopher? Once again, without looking up my source. That would be cheating. At Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo the penalty for cheating is instant elecroshock followed by insertion of a virus into your computer. So don't cheat!
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:39 AM ET We at Aman's VPZ are constantly looking out for the welfare and safety of our visitors. So to that end we have a life guard ready to give you a 'hand' in case you need it. She will be gentle. (Unless you dont want her to be )
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:46 AM ET For those of you who misbehave we have 'security' handy. This lovely young lady will spank any of you who choose to be naughty. Aman is overwhelmed by wave of misbehaviour C'mon guys! Settle down.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:50 AM ET And who do we have here? Why its the chick off Party of 5. Say HI everyone. Everyone: Hi Neve! Photos with Neve will be $50 each. Photos with Neve in the nude will be $500 each.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 11:59 AM ET This is an image of the Gulf War. Nasty stuff. Anyone here a gun toting psychopath? Please make your way to the back of the zoo.
4Horses	posted 06-14-99 12:01 PM ET Yes, the pictures of the bugs ARE lifesize. How much for a real Neve? And does she come with a security escort?
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:16 PM ET This is just me and my girlfriend cruising around in my Merc.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:19 PM ET This is your girlfriend taking you for a ride in her cool new car.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:32 PM ET I'm afraid Neve is not mine to sell. And if she was I wouldn't be selling. But the prize for guessing the above pic (the weird one with the wobbly crap) is Neve, the lifeguard, and the security girl. All at once. I told you the prizes here are big.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:36 PM ET Runner up prize is an all expenses paid trip to the Academy Awards where you can meet celebs like Jenny McCarthy.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:41 PM ET Or maybe some of the braindead morons from Ally McBeal. That chick is a skinny rake of an anorexic. Eat damn you EAT!
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:51 PM ET Lets turn to some celebs who area actually worth talking about. Phil Hartman (RIP) was much loved. He featured as many lovable characters such as the voice of Troy McLure off the Simpsons and Bill McNeil off that TV show about the radio show. I forget what that was called. But it was damn funny. A true comedian.
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:55 PM ET This fat purple character on the other hand is nothing but a tool for propaganda aimed at little kids. Barney, as he is called, is the mouthpiece of the government as he waddles around acting like a total knob head. Two plus two is four Two plus two is four Two plus two is four
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 12:59 PM ET And to end today's tour on a peaceful note, let us go to Vatican City. Amen says Aman.
Picker	posted 06-14-99 12:59 PM ET 1+1 is 3
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 01:04 PM ET We at Aman's Virtual Petting Zoo would like to thank all our patrons for visiting this little thread. We hope you have enjoyed your stay, even though there wasn't really anything to pet toward the end of the tour. But Barney is kind of like an animal. Anyway, if you have any comments or questions about the Zoo, please feel free to post them here. Aman Zookeeper
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 01:42 PM ET Disclaimer: I refuse to take any responsibility whatsoever for any laws or bylaws that I may have broken by the creation of this Virtual Petting Zoo. So you can't touch me you legal whiz kids. Hahahahaa!
Stasis Archon	posted 06-14-99 01:58 PM ET The philosopher would be Socrates. I still have no idea what that wobbly crap is. Looks like modern art to me.
Stasis Archon	posted 06-14-99 02:02 PM ET What did I win?
Alphaman	posted 06-14-99 02:14 PM ET As many steaks as you can grab!
Alphaman	posted 06-15-99 07:27 AM ET I hear a steak calling your name.