posted 06-11-99 11:58 AM ET        

On the night of graduation, a father approached his
son and asked him, "Son, now that you finished high
school, what are you going to do with your life?"

The son replied, "I think I am going to join the
peace corps."

"That's wonderful, I was in the peace corps when I
was your age. I found it rather fulfilling."

A couple of years went by and the son came home from
the peace corps. The father asked the son, "Now that
you have helped out in the peace corps, what are you
going to do?"

The son replied, "I am going to join the marines."
The father's eyes lit up with amazement.

"I am so proud of you son. I went into the Marines,
too. It taught me discipline, and most of all,
respect for myself. Son, in all my years of being
your father, you have never disappointed me yet."

The son left for boot camp a couple of weeks later,
where he was put through some of the most rigorous
training of his life. One of the last phases of his
training included jumping out of an airplane. This
frightened him to no end.

He decided to give his father a call, telling him
how scared he was, and his father told him not to
worry, everyone would be scared.

A couple of weeks went by and the son came home from
basic. The father noticed his son's behavior had
changed. He was sullen. "What's wrong son? Tell me
what's on your mind. Nothing you can say will
disappoint me. I am very proud of you."

"You might want to sit down for this dad," the son
said. "The day we were up on the plane ready to jump
I was the last one. I got up to the door and I
couldn't do it!" exclaimed the boy. "My drill
sergeant looked at me and yelled, 'Soldier, if you
don't jump out of this plane this damn instant, I am
going to stick my big hairy dick up your little ass!'"

The fathers eyes widened when he asked, "Well did
you jump?"

The son replied, "Only at first."

posted 06-11-99 12:05 PM ET            

On a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our
recent hurricane "FRAN", the captain did his best to
skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty
rough ride just the same - rough enough that the
flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves
into their seats for about half an hour, and many of
the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined
bags in their seat pockets to good use. When the
turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants
unbuckled themselves, and the captain's voice came
on over the intercom.

"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn't it?
But we came through it fine, just the way we always
do and I'm happy to report that it looks like the
remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On
behalf of myself and today's flight crew, I'd like
to thank you very much for your calmness and
cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a
pleasant stay in Boston."

After a short pause and several clicks...... "Damn -
whadda bitchin' ride! Boy, I sure could use a cup
of good strong coffee and a blow job, right about
now."

As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the
cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was
still on, one of the passengers called after her,
"Don't forget the coffee!"

posted 06-11-99 12:19 PM ET            

This cowboy was walking in the woods one day and he
comes to a clearing. There on a blanket was a naked
Indian with an erection.

"What are you doing?" the cowboy asks.

The Indian answers, "Me tell time."

The cowboy says, "Ok. If you are so good, what time
is it?"

The Indian looks down at his penis and the shadow it
made and said, "It 2 o'clock."

The cowboy looks at his watch and says, "By Golly,
you are right!"

The cowboy starts walking again and comes upon
another naked Indian laying on a blanket.

"Don't tell me....you're telling time also?"

Indian looks up at him and says, "Yes, me telling
time."

The cowboy says, "Okay smartass, what time is it?"

The Indian looks up at the sun and down at his penis
and says, "It 4 o'clock."

The cowboy is amazed at the Indians, so he keeps
walking.

A few hours later he comes upon an Indian on a
blanket, masturbating.

"Don't tell me you are telling time!!??"

The Indian looks up at him and says, "No, me winding watch!!"