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Author Topic:   I have found Jesus.

Frodo83 posted 06-01-99 05:47 PM ET
He was behind the sofa the whole time!
Spoe posted 06-01-99 05:52 PM ET
I thought he had a public access show in South Park, CO.
Valtyr posted 06-01-99 06:33 PM ET
No, Jes�s Hern�n Guti�rrez (AKA just Jes�s) is playing for the reserve team of the Argentinian soccer club Ferro Carril Oeste. He's the team's top goal scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team.
Ambro2000 posted 06-01-99 07:03 PM ET
Actually Jesus is here in Sweden! He's called Tomas Dileva

Ambro2000
Q Cubed posted 06-01-99 07:50 PM ET
Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus has left the building.
TheHelperMonkey posted 06-01-99 07:55 PM ET
Are sure Ferro Carril Oeste is a reak name?
Ferrocarril means "train" in spanish and Oeste means "west" in spanish.
Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey posted 06-01-99 08:35 PM ET
What was he doing behind YOUR sofa, Frodo?
!!!!!!
I've found Mohammed and Buddha myself. They were at a strip poker game with Confucious and Rasta Fari. I think Jesus lost all of his toga when Buddha got a Full House and had to run behind your couch. That explains it.
Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general,
YYYH
SnowFire posted 06-01-99 10:02 PM ET
I...I have a confession to make. I was one of the guards at the tomb, and I let him escape. You see, it wasn't angels or anything fancy like that, it's just that being dead for three days really does a number on your looks, and don't even get me started on the breath... so we just sorta ran off and pretended to be surprised in the morning when we came back that he was gone. So now we're cursed to walk the Earth forever by the pagan gods who were pissed at the new competition. But thanks for your info Frodo, me and my old Roman buddies will be coming over shortly.
CarniveaN posted 06-02-99 02:16 AM ET
will Ticketmaster be handling the seating arrengments for the second crusifiction? if so I'm on my way to reserve front row seats! They say this sort of thing happens only once, or maybe twice
who will be the opening act? Backstreet boys, Spice Girls, the resurected New Kids on the Block, George Michael, Michael Jackson? so many choices
Carny
PaulBot posted 06-02-99 11:32 AM ET
Just remember: Jesus is coming back, and he's pi$$ed!!!
Stasis Archon posted 06-02-99 01:40 PM ET
We just received a message from Heaven. It reads:
Dear Frodo83, actually we have Jesus right here in Heaven, but if you could please retrieve Elvis for us we could return Jesus to you.
In me they trust, God.
Hugo Rune posted 06-02-99 02:33 PM ET
Dear Heaven,
I'm sorry, We found Elvis, but he doesn't want to come. He is having too much fun travelling around in his UFO and appearing at several hundred bus stops, cheap resorts and caf�s.
We trust You,
People of the Earth
btw, YYYH, It's Ras Tafari, not Rasta Fari.
Spoe posted 06-02-99 02:41 PM ET
Would Roy Orbison do? I'm always seeing him when I go grocery shopping...
Valtyr posted 06-02-99 03:59 PM ET
TheHelperMonkey: Yes, Ferro Carril Oeste is a real soccer club in Argentina. They finished 17th in this spring's Opening Championship. I'm not sure, but apparently
the club was formed by some railway workers. As for the rest of my previous post, well...
walruskkkch posted 06-02-99 04:03 PM ET
Who lost him in the first place?
jsorense posted 06-02-99 04:03 PM ET
Maybe Janis, Jimi and Jerry could show up too for a gig too.
JohnIII posted 06-02-99 04:10 PM ET
"He's the team's top goal scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team. "
?
John III
Valtyr posted 06-02-99 04:16 PM ET
JohnIII: He's the reserve team's top scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team soon. I thought I made that part quite clear. Apparently not .
JohnIII posted 06-02-99 04:18 PM ET
Sorry
John III
Valtyr posted 06-02-99 04:22 PM ET
Anyway, I thought it was the dinosaurs who lived behind the sofa. Then again Dogbert is
not a reliable source.
JohnIII posted 06-02-99 04:28 PM ET
And Oliverio Jesus Alvarez Oli is the full name of the Real Betis striker?
That's from CM97/98 (I still don't have CM3!!)
John III
Valtyr posted 06-02-99 04:30 PM ET
Yes, Jes�s is quite a common name in Spanish-speaking countries.
Q Cubed posted 06-02-99 06:38 PM ET
I always thought it was Ross DaFari.
Spider posted 06-02-99 08:32 PM ET
In Spanish-speaking countries, "Jes�s" is pronounced "Heysoos". My little factoid for the thread.
Kefaed posted 06-02-99 08:44 PM ET
no, no. In spanish speaking countries they still worship greek gods. They're saying "Hey, Zeus".
'ed, get born again, just repeat a couple lives
Imran Siddiqui posted 06-02-99 09:24 PM ET
On July 30th in Madision Square Garden, bne prepared for the Greatest Event of the Century! The Second Crusification of Jesus Christ! Tickets on sale now!
(Thanks CarniveaN)
Philip McCauley posted 06-02-99 11:00 PM ET
Hey, didja hear that the pope cancelled this upcoming easter?
They found the body. :P
CarniveaN posted 06-03-99 01:43 AM ET
he he...
this would make a great Jerry (no more fighting on my show) Springer.
Jesus: but I don't want to go to heaven!
God: it is writen
Jesus: well up yours, you mother ****ing...
God: oh that's it, your gettin your ass wooped!
**fighting erupts**
**commercial break**
Jerry: our next guest, Elvis, says he had no idea that Jesus was cheating on him with a pack of rabbit wolves. Elvis how does this make you feel?
Elvis: Uh hu, it makes me feel blue, like my blue suade shues baby... uh hu.
God: oh that's it you're dead
Elvis: whoa hold on there sunny... you don't talk that way to the king...
God: hey I'm God remeber!... And I'll open up a can of woopass on your sorry ass!!
**fighting erupts**
Carny
Ring side seats now available exclusively from me, Carny, for the once in a lifetime crusifiction event of the century
Fakktor posted 06-03-99 04:30 AM ET
Post if you love Jesus!
dingwick posted 06-03-99 07:07 AM ET
It turns out that when the Dead Sea Scrolls were finally deciphered, the name Jesus is in fact pronounced "Hey Zeus".
So the Spanish speakers of the world have been correct all along.
Spider posted 06-03-99 07:08 PM ET
What a bloody mess I've (inadvertently) started here!
Spoe posted 06-03-99 08:13 PM ET
So we're really supposed to be worshiping the Olypian gods? Sheesh! Which one to choose...
Spoe posted 06-03-99 08:25 PM ET
s/Olypian/Olympian
4Horses posted 06-03-99 09:30 PM ET
I didn't even know he was lost.
Tolls posted 06-04-99 05:03 AM ET
Oh yeah...totally lost...he was asking for directions only the other day...
(sorry)
Q Cubed posted 06-04-99 08:02 PM ET
But he's a male...
So he'd NEVER ask for directions.
Famous Eccles posted 06-04-99 08:20 PM ET
I had a dream about walking to the Barbers. God appeared to me and blabbered on about judgement day. 'it will happen when the world reaches the heights of decedence and decay'
I asked weather it was worth having my haircut then.
God said no, unless I wanted to see Jesus, as he was going to be doing my hair. I
decided to go home, but I asked the God I don't believe in to perform a miracle.
God told me to sod off.
Frodo83 posted 06-05-99 12:53 PM ET
Now he's hiding in the closet.
JohnIII posted 06-05-99 12:55 PM ET
And he'll come out ?
John III
Krushala posted 06-06-99 11:01 AM ET

Philip McCauley posted 06-06-99 07:29 PM ET
Eccles, I wonder if this is the kind of experiance St. Paul had?
Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey posted 06-06-99 07:59 PM ET
I know why he's in the closet! A bunch of Christian fanatics came to your house to visit him, and they were all waving crosses around. Now, wouldn't you be scared if a bunch of people came at you waving the device that killed you?
Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general,
YYYH
SnowFire posted 06-06-99 08:20 PM ET
I know I would be. People who sorship a torture implement! Gasp. I'm much better with people who worship the crude outline of an icthyoid.
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Author	Topic: I have found Jesus.
Frodo83	posted 06-01-99 05:47 PM ET He was behind the sofa the whole time!
Spoe	posted 06-01-99 05:52 PM ET I thought he had a public access show in South Park, CO.
Valtyr	posted 06-01-99 06:33 PM ET No, Jes�s Hern�n Guti�rrez (AKA just Jes�s) is playing for the reserve team of the Argentinian soccer club Ferro Carril Oeste. He's the team's top goal scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team.
Ambro2000	posted 06-01-99 07:03 PM ET Actually Jesus is here in Sweden! He's called Tomas Dileva Ambro2000
Q Cubed	posted 06-01-99 07:50 PM ET Ladies and Gentlemen, Jesus has left the building.
TheHelperMonkey	posted 06-01-99 07:55 PM ET Are sure Ferro Carril Oeste is a reak name? Ferrocarril means "train" in spanish and Oeste means "west" in spanish.
Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey	posted 06-01-99 08:35 PM ET What was he doing behind YOUR sofa, Frodo? !!!!!! I've found Mohammed and Buddha myself. They were at a strip poker game with Confucious and Rasta Fari. I think Jesus lost all of his toga when Buddha got a Full House and had to run behind your couch. That explains it. Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, YYYH
SnowFire	posted 06-01-99 10:02 PM ET I...I have a confession to make. I was one of the guards at the tomb, and I let him escape. You see, it wasn't angels or anything fancy like that, it's just that being dead for three days really does a number on your looks, and don't even get me started on the breath... so we just sorta ran off and pretended to be surprised in the morning when we came back that he was gone. So now we're cursed to walk the Earth forever by the pagan gods who were pissed at the new competition. But thanks for your info Frodo, me and my old Roman buddies will be coming over shortly.
CarniveaN	posted 06-02-99 02:16 AM ET will Ticketmaster be handling the seating arrengments for the second crusifiction? if so I'm on my way to reserve front row seats! They say this sort of thing happens only once, or maybe twice who will be the opening act? Backstreet boys, Spice Girls, the resurected New Kids on the Block, George Michael, Michael Jackson? so many choices Carny
PaulBot	posted 06-02-99 11:32 AM ET Just remember: Jesus is coming back, and he's pi$$ed!!!
Stasis Archon	posted 06-02-99 01:40 PM ET We just received a message from Heaven. It reads: Dear Frodo83, actually we have Jesus right here in Heaven, but if you could please retrieve Elvis for us we could return Jesus to you. In me they trust, God.
Hugo Rune	posted 06-02-99 02:33 PM ET Dear Heaven, I'm sorry, We found Elvis, but he doesn't want to come. He is having too much fun travelling around in his UFO and appearing at several hundred bus stops, cheap resorts and caf�s. We trust You, People of the Earth btw, YYYH, It's Ras Tafari, not Rasta Fari.
Spoe	posted 06-02-99 02:41 PM ET Would Roy Orbison do? I'm always seeing him when I go grocery shopping...
Valtyr	posted 06-02-99 03:59 PM ET TheHelperMonkey: Yes, Ferro Carril Oeste is a real soccer club in Argentina. They finished 17th in this spring's Opening Championship. I'm not sure, but apparently the club was formed by some railway workers. As for the rest of my previous post, well...
walruskkkch	posted 06-02-99 04:03 PM ET Who lost him in the first place?
jsorense	posted 06-02-99 04:03 PM ET Maybe Janis, Jimi and Jerry could show up too for a gig too.
JohnIII	posted 06-02-99 04:10 PM ET "He's the team's top goal scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team. " ? John III
Valtyr	posted 06-02-99 04:16 PM ET JohnIII: He's the reserve team's top scorer and is expected to get a chance to play for the first team soon. I thought I made that part quite clear. Apparently not .
JohnIII	posted 06-02-99 04:18 PM ET Sorry John III
Valtyr	posted 06-02-99 04:22 PM ET Anyway, I thought it was the dinosaurs who lived behind the sofa. Then again Dogbert is not a reliable source.
JohnIII	posted 06-02-99 04:28 PM ET And Oliverio Jesus Alvarez Oli is the full name of the Real Betis striker? That's from CM97/98 (I still don't have CM3!!) John III
Valtyr	posted 06-02-99 04:30 PM ET Yes, Jes�s is quite a common name in Spanish-speaking countries.
Q Cubed	posted 06-02-99 06:38 PM ET I always thought it was Ross DaFari.
Spider	posted 06-02-99 08:32 PM ET In Spanish-speaking countries, "Jes�s" is pronounced "Heysoos". My little factoid for the thread.
Kefaed	posted 06-02-99 08:44 PM ET no, no. In spanish speaking countries they still worship greek gods. They're saying "Hey, Zeus". 'ed, get born again, just repeat a couple lives
Imran Siddiqui	posted 06-02-99 09:24 PM ET On July 30th in Madision Square Garden, bne prepared for the Greatest Event of the Century! The Second Crusification of Jesus Christ! Tickets on sale now! (Thanks CarniveaN)
Philip McCauley	posted 06-02-99 11:00 PM ET Hey, didja hear that the pope cancelled this upcoming easter? They found the body. :P
CarniveaN	posted 06-03-99 01:43 AM ET he he... this would make a great Jerry (no more fighting on my show) Springer. Jesus: but I don't want to go to heaven! God: it is writen Jesus: well up yours, you mother **ing... God: oh that's it, your gettin your ass wooped! fighting erupts commercial break Jerry: our next guest, Elvis, says he had no idea that Jesus was cheating on him with a pack of rabbit wolves. Elvis how does this make you feel? Elvis: Uh hu, it makes me feel blue, like my blue suade shues baby... uh hu. God: oh that's it you're dead Elvis: whoa hold on there sunny... you don't talk that way to the king... God: hey I'm God remeber!... And I'll open up a can of woopass on your sorry ass!! fighting erupts** Carny Ring side seats now available exclusively from me, Carny, for the once in a lifetime crusifiction event of the century
Fakktor	posted 06-03-99 04:30 AM ET Post if you love Jesus!
dingwick	posted 06-03-99 07:07 AM ET It turns out that when the Dead Sea Scrolls were finally deciphered, the name Jesus is in fact pronounced "Hey Zeus". So the Spanish speakers of the world have been correct all along.
Spider	posted 06-03-99 07:08 PM ET What a bloody mess I've (inadvertently) started here!
Spoe	posted 06-03-99 08:13 PM ET So we're really supposed to be worshiping the Olypian gods? Sheesh! Which one to choose...
Spoe	posted 06-03-99 08:25 PM ET s/Olypian/Olympian
4Horses	posted 06-03-99 09:30 PM ET I didn't even know he was lost.
Tolls	posted 06-04-99 05:03 AM ET Oh yeah...totally lost...he was asking for directions only the other day... (sorry)
Q Cubed	posted 06-04-99 08:02 PM ET But he's a male... So he'd NEVER ask for directions.
Famous Eccles	posted 06-04-99 08:20 PM ET I had a dream about walking to the Barbers. God appeared to me and blabbered on about judgement day. 'it will happen when the world reaches the heights of decedence and decay' I asked weather it was worth having my haircut then. God said no, unless I wanted to see Jesus, as he was going to be doing my hair. I decided to go home, but I asked the God I don't believe in to perform a miracle. God told me to sod off.
Frodo83	posted 06-05-99 12:53 PM ET Now he's hiding in the closet.
JohnIII	posted 06-05-99 12:55 PM ET And he'll come out ? John III
Krushala	posted 06-06-99 11:01 AM ET
Philip McCauley	posted 06-06-99 07:29 PM ET Eccles, I wonder if this is the kind of experiance St. Paul had?
Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey	posted 06-06-99 07:59 PM ET I know why he's in the closet! A bunch of Christian fanatics came to your house to visit him, and they were all waving crosses around. Now, wouldn't you be scared if a bunch of people came at you waving the device that killed you? Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, YYYH
SnowFire	posted 06-06-99 08:20 PM ET I know I would be. People who sorship a torture implement! Gasp. I'm much better with people who worship the crude outline of an icthyoid.