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Author Topic:   Bart Simpson's phone pranks

White_Cat posted 06-01-99 05:24 PM ET
What are all the names that Bart has used in his prank calls to Moe's Tavern? Here's the ones I can remember (with the full sentences Moe used them in for full effect)
- "Is there a Hugh Jass here?"
- "Hey everybody, do I have a Bea O'Problem?"
- "One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual."
- "Aww c'mon, why can't I find Amanda Hugandkiss?" (Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high.")
What about the things that Bart writes on the chalkboard during the intro? I can only remember a few.
- "My e-mail address is not Butt.com"
- "I will not say the word 'Springfield' just to get applause"
- "My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man."
Let's see how many of both of these we can remember.
SnowFire posted 06-01-99 10:09 PM ET
In the 168th (or was it 134th?) anniversary episode, he wrote "I will only do this once a year."
That was a funny one too, it had some great outakes from the Halloween episode where Homer sold his soul (a la The Devil and Daniel Webster). A demon took his disembodied head and used it for bowling, and when it smashed into the spiky pins his head split open to reveal emptiness inside, and a note saying "I.O.U. 1 Brain. -God."
Picker posted 06-01-99 11:30 PM ET
One of the chalk board things was:
I will not demand what I am worth.
I should no all of them. I watch the runs at 5:30 and 7:30 everyday.
Fjorxc the Maniac posted 06-02-99 10:16 AM ET
Here's some more ones...
"Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! All right everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!"
"Hey everybody, I'm A Stupid Moron With A Big Butt And My Butt Smells And I Like To Kiss My Own Butt."
Blackboard things:
"I will not show off" (written in that really stylistic Gothic script thing)
"I will not use abbrev."
"I will not Xerox my butt." (one of the originals)
Who Shot Mr. Burns Part 1 was a good one, especially where the two people come in to close Moe's.
First Person: Man alive, there are... men alive in here.

Fjorxc the Maniac
Unwashed Village Idiot,
Wanderer,
CWALer,
8th Canadian Faction of Humanity.

"Springfield: an average little town with a not so average monster. The people of Springfield always had to say happy things, and think happy thoughts. For this particular monster could read minds, and if displeased, could turn people into grotesque walking terrors. But did I mention that this monster was a ten-year-old boy? Quite a twist, huh? Betcha didn't see that one coming."
"The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over--'conquered,' if you will--by a master race of giant space ants. From this vantage point, it's unclear as to whether the ants will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. But there is no stopping them, the ants will soon be here. I for one welcome our new insect overlords, and remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."
Stasis Archon posted 06-02-99 01:44 PM ET
-"My name is not Doctor Death"
That's the only one I can remember right now that hasn't already been said.
As for the prank calls
-"I'm looking for Al, Al Coholic. Do I have an Al Coholic here?"
Stasis Archon posted 06-02-99 01:51 PM ET
The prank calls also had at least Mike Rotch and Oliver Clothesoff. I can't remember what Moe said there though. Can anyone remember Moe's replies to Bart? I have one:
-"Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!"
More blackboard writings:
-"I did not see Elvis"
-"I will not waste chalk"
Stasis Archon posted 06-06-99 01:22 PM ET
"I will think about what I say" (Only written once)
"I will not prescribe medications"
"I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge"
"This punishment is not boring and pointless"
"Funny noises are not funny"
""Bart Bucks" are not legal tender"
Jay posted 06-06-99 02:33 PM ET
Chalk writings:
"The truth is not out there"
Dark Nexus posted 06-06-99 05:29 PM ET
I will not waste chalk
I will not aim for the head
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not burp in class
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not instigate revolution
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I did not see Elvis
I will return the seeing-eye dog
Funny noises are not funny
I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'
I will not snap bras
Garlic gum is not funny
I will not fake seizures
They are laughing at me, not with me
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not fake my way through life
I will not prescribe medication
Tar is not a plaything
I will not bury the new kid
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not teach others to fly
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not trade pants with others
A burp is not an answer
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
I am not a 32 year old woman
Teacher is not a leper
I will not do that thing with my tongue
Coffee is not for kids
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not eat things for money
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
I will not sell school property
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
I will not cut corners
I will not squeak chalk
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will not get very far with this attitude
Goldfish don't bounce
I will not make flatulent noises in class
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
I will not belch the National Anthem
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not sell miracle cures
I will not grease the monkey bars
Underwear should be worn on the inside
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
The Christmas pageant does not stink
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not show off
I will not call the principal "spud head"
I will not carve gods
I will not sleep through my education
I will not spank others
I am not a dentist
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
Spitwads are not free speech
I will finish what I start
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
High explosives and school don't mix
Hamsters cannot fly
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not use abbrev.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not hang donuts on my person
No one wants to hear my armpits
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
I will not strut around like I own the place
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr
I am not certified to remove asbestos
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
I will remember to take my medication
The boys room is not a water park
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
Nerve gas is not a toy
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
The First Amendment does not cover burping
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
SnowFire posted 06-06-99 07:59 PM ET
Dark Nexus: How? Website? Book?
Or (shudder) did you really remember all of those?
Impressive.
Dark Nexus posted 06-06-99 09:37 PM ET
Web page
Valtyr posted 06-06-99 09:54 PM ET
Argh! In addition to all the sport I'm missing, I don't get to watch The Simpsons either. I really should get a salelite dish!
Valtyr posted 06-06-99 09:56 PM ET
And a satelite dish, too .
JT 3 posted 06-06-99 10:20 PM ET
Right after a Bart phone call:
Smithers: Hello, is Mr. Burnes there?
Mo: Oh, no, you won't get me this time kid. When I find you, I'm gonna shove your body into a car crusher! {click}
GaryD posted 07-06-99 12:10 PM ET
Look what I stumbled across !
Dreadnought posted 07-06-99 02:03 PM ET
Crap Gary, that's sick. I'll never be able to look at Bart and Lisa the same way.....
________________________________________
Dreadnought- acting president of the AUWM, Associated Union of Wookie Mechanics.
"This one goes there, that one goes there!"
M_ashwell posted 07-07-99 07:45 AM ET
erm jt3 i think it was mr burns that asked for wayland smithers
i like homers one
Homer:i'd like to speak to a snotball first name your'a
Moe:your a snotball?
Homer: How dare u if i find out who this is i'll staple a flag to your butt and mail u to iran
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Author	Topic: Bart Simpson's phone pranks
White_Cat	posted 06-01-99 05:24 PM ET What are all the names that Bart has used in his prank calls to Moe's Tavern? Here's the ones I can remember (with the full sentences Moe used them in for full effect) - "Is there a Hugh Jass here?" - "Hey everybody, do I have a Bea O'Problem?" - "One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual." - "Aww c'mon, why can't I find Amanda Hugandkiss?" (Barney: "Maybe your standards are too high.") What about the things that Bart writes on the chalkboard during the intro? I can only remember a few. - "My e-mail address is not Butt.com" - "I will not say the word 'Springfield' just to get applause" - "My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man." Let's see how many of both of these we can remember.
SnowFire	posted 06-01-99 10:09 PM ET In the 168th (or was it 134th?) anniversary episode, he wrote "I will only do this once a year." That was a funny one too, it had some great outakes from the Halloween episode where Homer sold his soul (a la The Devil and Daniel Webster). A demon took his disembodied head and used it for bowling, and when it smashed into the spiky pins his head split open to reveal emptiness inside, and a note saying "I.O.U. 1 Brain. -God."
Picker	posted 06-01-99 11:30 PM ET One of the chalk board things was: I will not demand what I am worth. I should no all of them. I watch the runs at 5:30 and 7:30 everyday.
Fjorxc the Maniac	posted 06-02-99 10:16 AM ET Here's some more ones... "Ivana Tinkle! Ivana Tinkle! All right everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!" "Hey everybody, I'm A Stupid Moron With A Big Butt And My Butt Smells And I Like To Kiss My Own Butt." Blackboard things: "I will not show off" (written in that really stylistic Gothic script thing) "I will not use abbrev." "I will not Xerox my butt." (one of the originals) Who Shot Mr. Burns Part 1 was a good one, especially where the two people come in to close Moe's. First Person: Man alive, there are... men alive in here. Fjorxc the Maniac Unwashed Village Idiot, Wanderer, CWALer, 8th Canadian Faction of Humanity. "Springfield: an average little town with a not so average monster. The people of Springfield always had to say happy things, and think happy thoughts. For this particular monster could read minds, and if displeased, could turn people into grotesque walking terrors. But did I mention that this monster was a ten-year-old boy? Quite a twist, huh? Betcha didn't see that one coming." "The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over--'conquered,' if you will--by a master race of giant space ants. From this vantage point, it's unclear as to whether the ants will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. But there is no stopping them, the ants will soon be here. I for one welcome our new insect overlords, and remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves."
Stasis Archon	posted 06-02-99 01:44 PM ET -"My name is not Doctor Death" That's the only one I can remember right now that hasn't already been said. As for the prank calls -"I'm looking for Al, Al Coholic. Do I have an Al Coholic here?"
Stasis Archon	posted 06-02-99 01:51 PM ET The prank calls also had at least Mike Rotch and Oliver Clothesoff. I can't remember what Moe said there though. Can anyone remember Moe's replies to Bart? I have one: -"Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!" More blackboard writings: -"I did not see Elvis" -"I will not waste chalk"
Stasis Archon	posted 06-06-99 01:22 PM ET "I will think about what I say" (Only written once) "I will not prescribe medications" "I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge" "This punishment is not boring and pointless" "Funny noises are not funny" ""Bart Bucks" are not legal tender"
Jay	posted 06-06-99 02:33 PM ET Chalk writings: "The truth is not out there"
Dark Nexus	posted 06-06-99 05:29 PM ET I will not waste chalk I will not aim for the head I will not skateboard in the halls I will not barf unless I'm sick I will not burp in class I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty I will not instigate revolution I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge I will not conduct my own fire drills I did not see Elvis I will return the seeing-eye dog Funny noises are not funny I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes' I will not snap bras Garlic gum is not funny I will not fake seizures They are laughing at me, not with me This punishment is not boring and meaningless I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom My name is not Dr. Death I will not encourage others to fly I will not defame New Orleans I will not fake my way through life I will not prescribe medication Tar is not a plaything I will not bury the new kid I will not Xerox my butt I will not teach others to fly It's potato, not potatoe I will not bring sheep to class I will not trade pants with others A burp is not an answer The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy I am not a 32 year old woman Teacher is not a leper I will not do that thing with my tongue Coffee is not for kids I will not drive the principal's car I will not eat things for money I will not pledge allegiance to Bart I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call I will not sell school property The principal's toupee is not a frisbee I will not cut corners I will not squeak chalk I do not have diplomatic immunity I will not charge admission to the bathroom I will not get very far with this attitude Goldfish don't bounce I will not make flatulent noises in class Mud is not one of the 4 food groups I will not belch the National Anthem No one is interested in my underpants I will not sell land in Florida I will not sell miracle cures I will not grease the monkey bars Underwear should be worn on the inside I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment The Christmas pageant does not stink I will not do anything bad ever again I will not torment the emotionally frail I will not show off I will not call the principal "spud head" I will not carve gods I will not sleep through my education I will not spank others I am not a dentist I will not bribe Principal Skinner Spitwads are not free speech I will finish what I start Nobody likes sunburn slappers "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender High explosives and school don't mix Hamsters cannot fly All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man I will not go near the kindergarten turtle I am not deliciously saucy Organ transplants are best left to the professionals I will not send lard through the mail I will not use abbrev. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal Indian burns are not our cultural heritage There are plenty of businesses like show business I will not dissect things unless instructed I will not hang donuts on my person No one wants to hear my armpits I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface I will not celebrate meaningless milestones I will not strut around like I own the place Next time it could be me on the scaffolding The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist I am not a lean mean spitting machine The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan I will not whittle hall passes out of soap Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things I do not have power of attorney over first graders I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr I am not certified to remove asbestos "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball I will remember to take my medication The boys room is not a water park Beans are neither fruit nor musical Nerve gas is not a toy "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism The First Amendment does not cover burping Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
SnowFire	posted 06-06-99 07:59 PM ET Dark Nexus: How? Website? Book? Or (shudder) did you really remember all of those? Impressive.
Dark Nexus	posted 06-06-99 09:37 PM ET Web page
Valtyr	posted 06-06-99 09:54 PM ET Argh! In addition to all the sport I'm missing, I don't get to watch The Simpsons either. I really should get a salelite dish!
Valtyr	posted 06-06-99 09:56 PM ET And a satelite dish, too .
JT 3	posted 06-06-99 10:20 PM ET Right after a Bart phone call: Smithers: Hello, is Mr. Burnes there? Mo: Oh, no, you won't get me this time kid. When I find you, I'm gonna shove your body into a car crusher! {click}
GaryD	posted 07-06-99 12:10 PM ET Look what I stumbled across !
Dreadnought	posted 07-06-99 02:03 PM ET Crap Gary, that's sick. I'll never be able to look at Bart and Lisa the same way..... ________________________________________ Dreadnought- acting president of the AUWM, Associated Union of Wookie Mechanics. "This one goes there, that one goes there!"
M_ashwell	posted 07-07-99 07:45 AM ET erm jt3 i think it was mr burns that asked for wayland smithers i like homers one Homer:i'd like to speak to a snotball first name your'a Moe:your a snotball? Homer: How dare u if i find out who this is i'll staple a flag to your butt and mail u to iran