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Author Topic:   Beer labels

Alphaman posted 05-26-99 01:36 PM ET
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember)
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy
named FRANZ.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may
seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy."

No credit taken by me
Aman
GaryD posted 05-26-99 01:54 PM ET
Hey, why not paste the whole thread in in one go
Noisy posted 05-26-99 02:11 PM ET
I'm confused. If a gap disappears, then it's as is if it were never there in the first place, so you wouldn't know that there had been a gap because time would just flow smoothly on and on and on ....
And then what happens if a gap metaphorically disappears? Is it still there? Perhaps you need the alcohol to understand the warning.
Noisy
Microbrewer to the Stars
Alphaman posted 05-26-99 02:18 PM ET
Not everyone here likes Apolyton
Not everyone on Apolyton comes here
Besides, this ones the funniest (I think)
Buddy emailed it to me. Crapped my pants when I read some of em.
Worth sharing.
No much else here worth reading anyway
People will probably appreciate it
Picker posted 05-26-99 02:31 PM ET
When it's tuesday and the last thing you remember is going out drinking saturday night, you notice the gap.
MikeH II posted 05-27-99 11:39 AM ET
Or when you wake up with a degree and a headache and don't remember college.
4Horses posted 05-27-99 03:29 PM ET
In the immortal words of Willie Nelson:
"I came home at 2:00 with a 10.....and woke up at 10:00 with a 2."
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Author	Topic: Beer labels
Alphaman	posted 05-26-99 01:36 PM ET Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember) WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named FRANZ. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy." No credit taken by me Aman
GaryD	posted 05-26-99 01:54 PM ET Hey, why not paste the whole thread in in one go
Noisy	posted 05-26-99 02:11 PM ET I'm confused. If a gap disappears, then it's as is if it were never there in the first place, so you wouldn't know that there had been a gap because time would just flow smoothly on and on and on .... And then what happens if a gap metaphorically disappears? Is it still there? Perhaps you need the alcohol to understand the warning. Noisy Microbrewer to the Stars
Alphaman	posted 05-26-99 02:18 PM ET Not everyone here likes Apolyton Not everyone on Apolyton comes here Besides, this ones the funniest (I think) Buddy emailed it to me. Crapped my pants when I read some of em. Worth sharing. No much else here worth reading anyway People will probably appreciate it
Picker	posted 05-26-99 02:31 PM ET When it's tuesday and the last thing you remember is going out drinking saturday night, you notice the gap.
MikeH II	posted 05-27-99 11:39 AM ET Or when you wake up with a degree and a headache and don't remember college.
4Horses	posted 05-27-99 03:29 PM ET In the immortal words of Willie Nelson: "I came home at 2:00 with a 10.....and woke up at 10:00 with a 2."