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Author Topic:   Norf's Initiation Story (CWAL HV)

Fron posted 05-13-99 08:51 PM ET
Well, I've been in CWAL for a LONG time now... I'm posting this here at Fjorxc's request to introduce my alternate character into CWAL HV. If there's something in this you don't understand for whatever reason, ask Fjorxc, don't expect me to be checking this forum, or writing for CWAL HV much after this. Enjoy this short, quasi-humourous piece of semi-writing!
~~~~~~~-~~~~~~~~~-~~~~~~~~~~~-----!2##$^%#$@!!!
[London, Ontario]
(It was a beautiful day in the Capital of the Canadian Dominion, quiet and peaceful.)
[Castle Cattle Prod]
Fron: LOUSY FARGIN' COMPUTER!!! WORK, DAMN YOU!!!
(Fron smacks the moniter a few times, clicks franticly with the mouse, then pulls out his cattle prod and zaps the computer repeatedly, causing it to be reduced to a short-cicuited heap of half-melted scrap. Two nameless guards come in and remove the flaming hulk.)
Norf: You really have to cool it, Fron. That's the third computer this week you've destroyed! You're lucky all the data's on the Dominion central core...
Fron: I'll cool it when the damn Microsoft programs WORK for a change... they're trying to subjugate us to their will, I'm sure of it...
Norf: (Sarcastically) Fine then, Fron. Why don't you outlaw Windows and have the scientists make our OWN operating system for us!?!
Fron: That's a damn good idea, Norf! I'll give the order right now!
(Fron picks up the phone as Norf rolls his eyes. Fron looks listens for a moment, presses some buttons on the phone, then hangs up.)
Fron: There was a message for you there.
Norf: A message? All this high technology and we only have ONE phoneline in the seat of Canadian government!?!
Fron: Budget cuts.
Norf: Budget cuts? You're buying 3 top-of-the-line computers in a single week, and we can't get a second phone line because of budget cuts!?!
Fron: Yes, well ummm... getting back to the part where it has nothing to do with that, there's a message for you from some pancake house in Hunt Valley. Sounded important. Have you been taking the CMS Canuck for joyrides and forgetting to pay for your food again?
Norf: You idiot! That's the IHOP in Hunt Valley!
(Fron stares at Norf.)
Norf: The headquarters of CWAL HV!
(Fron stares at Norf.)
Norf: THEY'RE NOT A PANCAKE HOUSE!!!
Fron: Then why are they called the International House of Pancakes? Geez!!
Norf: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fron: Heh... that was fun. Anyway, Freerunner wants you to call her or something. See ya!
(Fron walks out, leaving Norf alone in the room with the phone and a few charred bits of silicon.)
Norf: I wonder what Freerunner wants?
Norf's Mind: :::I bet I know...:::
Norf: Shut up brain, we're trying to keep this PG-rated.
Norf's Mind: :::Oh, sorry.:::
[The hallway]
(Fron walks towards his quarters, when from behind him he hears the sound of running. He looks back and sees Norf running towards him.)
Norf: CAN'T TALK NOT TIME ENOUGH GO MUST JOIN CWAL HV FOR CALLED FREERUNNER DID!!! (Runs past.)
(Fron walks to a window and watches a car pull out of the driveway at extremely high velocity, and take off down the street.)
Fron: He'll be back.
[5 minutes later]
(Norf opens the door of Castle Cattle Prod and walks in.)
Fron: I told you you'd be back!
Norf: Uhhh... no you didn't. Anyway, where's Hunt Valley?
Fron: Maryland. North of Baltimore.
Norf: Thanks! (Runs off.)
Fron: He'll be back.
[5 minutes later]
(Norf walks in.)
Norf: My car ran out of gas.
Fron: Take your other car.
Norf: Right then! (Runs off.)
Fron: He'll be back.
[5 minutes later]
Norf: My car exploded.
Fron: Oh for god's sake, just take the CMS Canuck!! Tell the first officer to bring it back here after he drops you off.
Norf: Right!
(Norf runs off. After a moment, a loud sound is heard in the distance and a rather large starship flies out of London. Fron picks up the phone, which has conveniently already dialed the correct number.)
Fron: Hey Forks, it's Fron. Norf's on his way to Hunt Valley. Said something about "go must join CWAL HV for called Freerunner did."
Fjorxc: *When's he gonna be here?*
Fron: (Checks watch) About 10 seconds.
[10 seconds later, outside the IHOP]
(The amazingly and nausiatingly cute blue roof of the IHOP stand in stark contrast to the imposing headquarters of Firaxis. The IHOP is covered in signs of CWAL residence, namely a large number of empty bags of coffee beans in a dumpster at the back. The sounds of devoted coffee drinking and SMAC playing can be heard from inside the headquaters of CWAL HV, and while I've been describing the scene to you, Norf has already been dropped off and is inside the IHOP.)
[Inside the IHOP]
Fjorxc: Damnit, Author! Stop bypassing the plot, such as it is, like that!
(I'll do whatever I want to this plot!)
Fjorxc: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, Norf, you want to join CWAL HV?
Norf: Yes.
Fjorxc: Well, what special skills can you offer the group?
Norf: What!?! Forks, I'm already a member of CWAL!
Fjorxc: Maybe so, maybe so... but we still need to observe the procedures. Otherwise it wouldn't be fair to the other members who filled out their aplications in full.
Norf: Ahh, geez...
Fjorxc: Sorry, those are the rules.
[2 hours later]
(Norf has just finished filling out a stack of forms detailing such things as date of birth, special skills, previous vigilante experience, favourite colour, and top picks for the Stanley Cup.)
Fjorxc: Okay, these all seem to be in order. I guess you're in. Freerunner has graciously volunteered to allow you to use her room, so- Norf?
(The CWAL HVers look around and notice that Norf and Freerunner aren't in the room. After a few moments, the sound of a door closing and a lock locking are heard from the direction of the living quarters.)
Fjorxc: Okay... to preserve everyone's sanity, we're just not going to discuss THAT...
[The next day]
(All the CWAL HVers are sitting around, drinking coffee and playing SMAC. Overnight, the IHOP has undergone a number of changes, noticably thick soundproofing in place aroudn Freerunner and Norf's room, and a large number of burnt and bullet-ridden ExileMart surveilance cameras are outside the window to said room.)
Fjorxc: You think we should get a plot going here?
Freerunner: Plot? Whysoever could we possibly need one of those?
Author: Damnit, you're right! I DEFY YOU, EVIL DEMON OF PLOTS!! DIE!!!
Plot Demon: I'll get you next tiiiiiime... (fades off into the distance)
THE END!
...or is it?

Fjorxc: Yes, it is.

Fine, it is.

Emperor Fron I of the Canadian Dominion
"Quotes? WE DON'T NEED NO STEENKING QUOTES!"
Victor Galis posted 05-15-99 09:46 PM ET
Damn, nearly missed this one. Sending it to the top anyway.
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Author	Topic: Norf's Initiation Story (CWAL HV)
Fron	posted 05-13-99 08:51 PM ET Well, I've been in CWAL for a LONG time now... I'm posting this here at Fjorxc's request to introduce my alternate character into CWAL HV. If there's something in this you don't understand for whatever reason, ask Fjorxc, don't expect me to be checking this forum, or writing for CWAL HV much after this. Enjoy this short, quasi-humourous piece of semi-writing! ~~~~~~~-~~~~~~~~~-~~~~~~~~~~~-----!2##$^%#$@!!! [London, Ontario] (It was a beautiful day in the Capital of the Canadian Dominion, quiet and peaceful.) [Castle Cattle Prod] Fron: LOUSY FARGIN' COMPUTER!!! WORK, DAMN YOU!!! (Fron smacks the moniter a few times, clicks franticly with the mouse, then pulls out his cattle prod and zaps the computer repeatedly, causing it to be reduced to a short-cicuited heap of half-melted scrap. Two nameless guards come in and remove the flaming hulk.) Norf: You really have to cool it, Fron. That's the third computer this week you've destroyed! You're lucky all the data's on the Dominion central core... Fron: I'll cool it when the damn Microsoft programs WORK for a change... they're trying to subjugate us to their will, I'm sure of it... Norf: (Sarcastically) Fine then, Fron. Why don't you outlaw Windows and have the scientists make our OWN operating system for us!?! Fron: That's a damn good idea, Norf! I'll give the order right now! (Fron picks up the phone as Norf rolls his eyes. Fron looks listens for a moment, presses some buttons on the phone, then hangs up.) Fron: There was a message for you there. Norf: A message? All this high technology and we only have ONE phoneline in the seat of Canadian government!?! Fron: Budget cuts. Norf: Budget cuts? You're buying 3 top-of-the-line computers in a single week, and we can't get a second phone line because of budget cuts!?! Fron: Yes, well ummm... getting back to the part where it has nothing to do with that, there's a message for you from some pancake house in Hunt Valley. Sounded important. Have you been taking the CMS Canuck for joyrides and forgetting to pay for your food again? Norf: You idiot! That's the IHOP in Hunt Valley! (Fron stares at Norf.) Norf: The headquarters of CWAL HV! (Fron stares at Norf.) Norf: THEY'RE NOT A PANCAKE HOUSE!!! Fron: Then why are they called the International House of Pancakes? Geez!! Norf: AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fron: Heh... that was fun. Anyway, Freerunner wants you to call her or something. See ya! (Fron walks out, leaving Norf alone in the room with the phone and a few charred bits of silicon.) Norf: I wonder what Freerunner wants? Norf's Mind: :::I bet I know...::: Norf: Shut up brain, we're trying to keep this PG-rated. Norf's Mind: :::Oh, sorry.::: [The hallway] (Fron walks towards his quarters, when from behind him he hears the sound of running. He looks back and sees Norf running towards him.) Norf: CAN'T TALK NOT TIME ENOUGH GO MUST JOIN CWAL HV FOR CALLED FREERUNNER DID!!! (Runs past.) (Fron walks to a window and watches a car pull out of the driveway at extremely high velocity, and take off down the street.) Fron: He'll be back. [5 minutes later] (Norf opens the door of Castle Cattle Prod and walks in.) Fron: I told you you'd be back! Norf: Uhhh... no you didn't. Anyway, where's Hunt Valley? Fron: Maryland. North of Baltimore. Norf: Thanks! (Runs off.) Fron: He'll be back. [5 minutes later] (Norf walks in.) Norf: My car ran out of gas. Fron: Take your other car. Norf: Right then! (Runs off.) Fron: He'll be back. [5 minutes later] Norf: My car exploded. Fron: Oh for god's sake, just take the CMS Canuck!! Tell the first officer to bring it back here after he drops you off. Norf: Right! (Norf runs off. After a moment, a loud sound is heard in the distance and a rather large starship flies out of London. Fron picks up the phone, which has conveniently already dialed the correct number.) Fron: Hey Forks, it's Fron. Norf's on his way to Hunt Valley. Said something about "go must join CWAL HV for called Freerunner did." Fjorxc: When's he gonna be here? Fron: (Checks watch) About 10 seconds. [10 seconds later, outside the IHOP] (The amazingly and nausiatingly cute blue roof of the IHOP stand in stark contrast to the imposing headquarters of Firaxis. The IHOP is covered in signs of CWAL residence, namely a large number of empty bags of coffee beans in a dumpster at the back. The sounds of devoted coffee drinking and SMAC playing can be heard from inside the headquaters of CWAL HV, and while I've been describing the scene to you, Norf has already been dropped off and is inside the IHOP.) [Inside the IHOP] Fjorxc: Damnit, Author! Stop bypassing the plot, such as it is, like that! (I'll do whatever I want to this plot!) Fjorxc: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, Norf, you want to join CWAL HV? Norf: Yes. Fjorxc: Well, what special skills can you offer the group? Norf: What!?! Forks, I'm already a member of CWAL! Fjorxc: Maybe so, maybe so... but we still need to observe the procedures. Otherwise it wouldn't be fair to the other members who filled out their aplications in full. Norf: Ahh, geez... Fjorxc: Sorry, those are the rules. [2 hours later] (Norf has just finished filling out a stack of forms detailing such things as date of birth, special skills, previous vigilante experience, favourite colour, and top picks for the Stanley Cup.) Fjorxc: Okay, these all seem to be in order. I guess you're in. Freerunner has graciously volunteered to allow you to use her room, so- Norf? (The CWAL HVers look around and notice that Norf and Freerunner aren't in the room. After a few moments, the sound of a door closing and a lock locking are heard from the direction of the living quarters.) Fjorxc: Okay... to preserve everyone's sanity, we're just not going to discuss THAT... [The next day] (All the CWAL HVers are sitting around, drinking coffee and playing SMAC. Overnight, the IHOP has undergone a number of changes, noticably thick soundproofing in place aroudn Freerunner and Norf's room, and a large number of burnt and bullet-ridden ExileMart surveilance cameras are outside the window to said room.) Fjorxc: You think we should get a plot going here? Freerunner: Plot? Whysoever could we possibly need one of those? Author: Damnit, you're right! I DEFY YOU, EVIL DEMON OF PLOTS!! DIE!!! Plot Demon: I'll get you next tiiiiiime... (fades off into the distance) THE END! ...or is it? Fjorxc: Yes, it is. Fine, it is. Emperor Fron I of the Canadian Dominion "Quotes? WE DON'T NEED NO STEENKING QUOTES!"
Victor Galis	posted 05-15-99 09:46 PM ET Damn, nearly missed this one. Sending it to the top anyway.