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CWAL HV Membership Drive
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Alpha Centauri Forums
Old Test Forums
CWAL HV Membership Drive
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| Author | Topic: CWAL HV Membership Drive |
| Fjorxc the Maniac |
posted 12-05-98 12:30 PM ET  
CWAL HV MEMBERSHIP DRIVE
Have you ever? Do you think that Firaxis is intentionally holding back SMAC to piss us off? Do you want to work on a way-cool starship, or words to that effect? Do you have a weapon? Do you want to go around killing all of the world's social evils, including but not limited to: -The Spice Girls If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then we've got a place for you! Join CWAL Hunt Valley today! And now, an announcement from Fjorxc the Maniac. *ahem* WE NEED WRITERS! PLEASE! COME AND WRITE! WRITING VERY HAPPY! YES! GOOD FUN HAPPY! Thank you. (This has been an unpaid announcement from the CWAL HV Recruitment Board. It's unpaid because we gave the advertising board a postdated check they can't cash until 2700.) (Note: since SMAC is due to be released next month, we probably won't concentrate on liberating it much after that.) Fjorxc the Maniac(CWAL Hunt Valley) "There is one thing that all ancient civilizations, in both their leadership and mythology, have in common. Incest." |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-05-98 03:03 PM ET
I'll join, I'll join! I have some great ideas for characters! I'm a great writer, too! Aura: Light, that was the lamest attempt at humor I have ever seen. Light: Oh, really? Let's see... (An murmur rusn through the room. An anvil squishes it.) Aura: I stand corrected. |
| Sofielisk |
posted 12-05-98 05:47 PM ET
Alex : Come to CWAL, extend yoyur personali liberties! Alex : Was that ok Master Forks? Fjorxc : No! Fool! 20 lashes! Alex : Ow! (x20) Alex : this isn't as kinky as it appears.... |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-05-98 07:28 PM ET
Aura: Ah HAH! I caught you! Alex: Oh, dear... Aura: There is no escape... Alex: Ummm... Can I apologize? Aura: No. You also spelled out that stuff up above horribly, so you get twice the pain. Alex: Curse my slippery Welsh hands! (Alex is dragged off and beaten for ten minutes with a wet noodle. In the terms of the drow, from whom Aura got the wet noodle, that is a ten foot long, salt water covered, barbed, spiked, and weighted strap of leather.) Alex: Ow.... |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-05-98 09:28 PM ET
This is why you people shouldn't join CWAL!! The BoS offers many oppurtunities, without getting lashed for typos!! Do you see how they beat their own members. They shoot Boy Scouts, too! They're evil I tell ya! EVIL!!!!! Join the BoS & get democratic rights forever.......or until a military dictator takes over. I feel like I just got myself into a trap of some sort.... Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-05-98 09:33 PM ET
Light: You have to forgive Aura. She embodies the sadistic tendencies inherent in all beings, and also has a slight hormonal; imbalance, so she reacts rather excessively to some things. Also, that 'Alex' character has made some rather disparaging remarks about her body, voice, and morals, so her anger is justified. Also, I'm a Boy Scout myself, and I don't think shooting myself would be productive. "If you tolerate sickening Welsh pigs, your children will have something to fear at night." Aura Yes, Sof, it was a joke. At least, I think she meant it as a joke... |
| Exile |
posted 12-05-98 10:03 PM ET
Exile: JOIN CWAL OR ELSE I'LL CLOAK AND KILL YOU AS YOU SLEEP!!! Fjorxc: Exile, we're trying to have them join us, not scare the crap out of them Exile: Can't I kill just one? Fjorxc: No! (Sofielisk slithers in along with Alex) Alex: *ouch* Damn drow, how dare he subject me to the noodle Sofielisk: Because you deserved it Alex: Don't me me use the eraser on you Sofie: Sorry, master Alex: That's better Exile: C'mon Fjorxc, remember the Imperial Edict, "Rule By Fear Of Force" Fjorxc: That's because they have a Death Star and we don't!!! Exile: Can't I steal one? Fjorxc: Hmmmm, I'll think about it Exile: Yay! (Mz then walks in and get's kicked around like a soccer ball) THE END!!! Exile |
| Imran Siddiqui |
posted 12-06-98 02:20 AM ET
Unfortunatly, the BoS is the only entity in the universe with a Death Star. Of course it is a toy Death Star, but who cares. We have a Death Star!! Oh, I'm a Jedi Knight as well, so I can use the force!! Yeah! Imran Siddiqui |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-06-98 11:31 AM ET
I have a toy lightsaber. Does that count?? :P YYYH: TALK!! Talk! TALK DAMN YOU!! Well boys, he ain't talkin'. I guess you'll have to kill him. (The guards drag a mime out of the building) YYYH: ...& when you shoot him! Be sure to use the silencer! Mwu hahahahahahahaha (The guards put a pillow in front of the .50 machine gun, & shoot the mime.) YYYH: You may think the truth isn't out there. Welll what about the Voodoo priests of Haiti, the Tibetan numerologists of Apalachia, the unsolved mysteries, of Unsolved Mysteries! NOTE: This was the biggest plagiarizing post ever. Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| Jay |
posted 12-06-98 11:43 AM ET
Somehow, I think neither organization is going to get new members from this. And IF I wouldn't be a Citizen of BoS I think I would join CWAL HV. Why? Because I HATE spice girls, barney the dinosaur and the backstreet gays. And I have a weapon and more than enough ammunition for it. |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-06-98 11:48 AM ET
Yeah, I think you're right Jay! We won't get any new members this way, but I guess we can start up some propoganda wars! I'll drop leaflets over Hunt Valley, thus turning the citizens against CWAL HV. Without civilian support you can't effectively fight! Truly debious, now why did I share it with everyone? I guess I'm gonna have to keep my idea on how to beat the Hive effectively to myself. Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 01:32 PM ET
Without civilian support? How do you think we've fought all these years? Aura: You mean months. Dark: MONTHS, then. Happy? Aura: Not really, but that is better. Dark: Fussy little wretch... |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-06-98 03:53 PM ET
Out west in California & Washington(the freak states!) you may have fought without civilian support, but here in the east you need the support of civilians! I know, I live on the Eastern Seaboard. Therefore the BoS will triumph. Please place your weapons down & march back to California now. Thank you, don't come again. Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 05:47 PM ET
Yo, guess where I live? The eastern seaboard. And if the peopel aroudn here are supposed to be the ones supporting you, then I suggest you go get some different supporters. Like some rocks. |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-06-98 05:57 PM ET
Well, you're from Mass. The people up there are insane. They yell at Hartford, a city with no pro teams, for potentially taking a team from a city with 4 teams! Crazy. Who cares if the people support us, they're all insane. The insane make the best supporters! You may be from the east in real life, but you said CWAL's from Irvine, so I'm assuming this is your guys first time here! Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| Dark Nexus |
posted 12-06-98 06:05 PM ET
CWAL the group is originally from Irvine. The characters however...... Actually, I don't think that any of the characters are actually from Irvine..... |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 06:10 PM ET
Well, the east has lots of forests, so Laeryn is fine. Aura is designed to be adaptable, so she's fine. I don't know about the others, but... |
| AUH20 |
posted 12-06-98 07:00 PM ET
CWAL: We need a few arrogant little meglomaniacal bastards who don't have the intelligence to realize Firaxis has the intelligence to realize the game when it's FINISHED!
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| Exile |
posted 12-06-98 07:01 PM ET
I came from a jungle planet before I was tossed out into a barren, bleak, dead world of stone.... And I don't need no steenking civilian support to kill people, in fact, who do you think's been terrorizing those people in HUnt Valley? Fjorxc: Hey! So that's why we havn't been getting support? Exile: I thought it would get them into line!! Fjorxc: That's it, go to your room and stay there! Exile: *muttering* Stupid 19 year-old...No respect for their elders, I oughta show him what 421 years worth of training in fighting will do..... |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 07:24 PM ET
Dark: Only 421, Exile? I'm shocked. I thought you were a tad bit older than THAT. Exile: Oh, and how old are you, drow boy? Dark: 427. Exile: Note to self: Coincidences like this REALLY suck. Dark: Of course, we might both be lying ro I might be lying, or you might be lying... Exile: Addendum to note to self: Drow mental tampering also sucks. Also, AU, yelling won't get you anywhere. |
| Exile |
posted 12-06-98 07:35 PM ET
(Note To Self: Torture Dark, Buy groceries, Rent N64 Games, Overhaul Corsair, assasinate Dark Chrono, Collect reward for killing Dark Chrono, scare the crap out of Hunt Valley residents, be in bed by 3:00 AM) Exile |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 07:51 PM ET
[A rooftop in Hunt Valley] Exile: Excellent... Wait, I should ahve prioritized this list. (Exile switches the 'Torture Dark' and the 'Buy Groceries.') Exile: Much better. [A nearby grocery store] Exile: Carrots, check. Cookies, check. Cerea-Wait, why the heck am I buying food when I don't have a mouth? DarkLight: Probably the same reason you didn't notice me looking over your shoulder when you wrote the list, or follow you here, or switch that whole milk for low fat. Exile: You switched the milk?! You evi piece of trash! DarkLight: Thank you. (The drow ducks a swing of his warp blade.) DarkLight: No, no, swing lower. (The drow jumps another slash.) Exile: This is getting pointless. (Exile cloaks and swings again. Due to a freak probability accident, he manages to miss the slightly off balance drow and slice open Jolt, who had the misfortune of being part of the probability accident.) Exile: ARGH! Is there no end to your endless luck, drow?! DarkLight: Apparently not. Look up. (Exile looks upward. The lighting finishes breaking loose from its supports and falls onto him. The drow wanders off, bored.) Exile: Ow... Ah, well. At least he doesn't realize that I actually LIKE low-fat milk! BWAHAHAHA!!!!! (notices the camera still rolling) AUGH! You never heard that!!! (brandishes his blades) Some guys: No sir, Master Exile, we NEVER heard that! Exile: Excellent... |
| Exile |
posted 12-06-98 07:58 PM ET
(Grocery Store) Exile: That stupid Drow should have known I was buying groceries for CWAL HV, not me...Sheesh, the idiocy these days PA System: Clean-up on aisle 5, dead Jolt and fallen lighting Pimply-Faced Kid: Uhhh, sir, how would you like to pay for those groceries? Exile: (Igniting his Warp Blades) I'll pay by check P-F K: I'll need your signiture (Exile takes the Warp Blade and skillfully places his signiture on the kid's stomach. The kid falls over in pain) Exile: (picking up groceries) Now to find and torture that drow..... ============================================= Exile |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-06-98 09:43 PM ET
Au, you don't need to yell at them! We're only enemies in writing. We're friendly over ICQ. ================================== HV Civilian: Man, I love the BoS. The CWAL HV weirdos just plain suck! HV Civilian's redneck friend: But Bill, the BoS killed your wife, kids, grandmother & collection of Playboy's. HV Civilian: They didn't really do that! It says right here on this pamphlet, 'Mindless BoS propoganda', that CWAL is actually killing everyone in HV. HV Civilian's redneck friend: You believe that propoganda! Man, the BoS is tearing this town apart in a search for a small group of aliens & weird people who are trying to release a computer GAME early. A computer game Bill, a GAME! G-A-M-E! They're brainwashing you! HV Civilian: Don't talk about the BoS like that! They're good. CWAL killed my family! HV C R F: Bill, the BoS did tha.... HV C: Enough from you!!! (The Hunt Valley Civilian shoots his redneck friend with a 12 gauge shotgun. Then the HV C runs off to the BoS secret base to join the cannon fodder armies!) Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-06-98 09:52 PM ET
YYYH, I have to say, that was good. Kinda gives you ideas about how the Nazis worked, though...  |
| Imran Siddiqui |
posted 12-06-98 10:19 PM ET
Hmm, wacky kids running around with their heads chopped off. What? Um, nothing. Go BoS!! Imran Siddiqui |
| Exile |
posted 12-06-98 10:37 PM ET
Say, what are your ICQ #'s anyway? If, for any reasons, you want to contact me (Death threats, bribes, attemps to make me defect and leave CWAL) contact me at: #18130193 Exile |
| Imran Siddiqui |
posted 12-06-98 10:44 PM ET
ICQ? No, I seek You!! Well, if President of BoS needs to be contacted you can reach him at 15858938. Or you can leave a message after the beep. BEEP Imran Siddiqui's Answering Service |
| Yo_Yo_Yo_Hey |
posted 12-07-98 12:30 AM ET
Well, I was about to post my UIN, but Exile seemed to have already found me. So he's on my list now anyway. I'll have to send him a few death-threats, & a bit of spam later  Yeah, that was how the nazis worked. I wrote about is so well because I am a nazi. DL: What'd you say Yo??? YYYH: Umm......nothing...... Your faithful & hell-bent NIMadier general, |
| THE DG IN EXILE |
posted 12-07-98 01:00 AM ET
From the desk of the Director General; greeting and salutations to the whole crew! yes, this is once again "THE" Director General, still in exile, but free and plotting my return. hi YYYH ! Hello all other veteran types! (Roland, Brother Greg, Thomas, et cetera)and hello to the cwalhv crew, as well... I'm still interested in writing, and as soon as I get my new modem and my old e-mail account up and running again, i'll be around a biit more. so please be patient.... I am utterly deranged, US Marine combat trained, VERY familiar with multiple weapon systems, A veteran of the struggle to liberate SMAC, would love working on a starship ( providing it has a mega-death ray of some sort), and can do a pretty good impression of the roadrunner, bulwinkle, pac man, and boris badinov. oh, and i am also apparently part of an alien cloning experiment, so there are "me's" running around just about everywhere. I hope to be part of your little crew as soon as I get my technical difficulties sorted. this is the director general, signing off from the lovely campus of Miskatonic university... "cthulu! cthulu! Ra! ra! ra!" |
| jsorense |
posted 12-07-98 03:37 PM ET
Just as I suspected. The DirectorGeneral, leader of IIIS, has been kidnapped. This person posting now might be an imposter. Or maybe it's the real The DG trying to communicate secretly. See how he incorrectly spells his name? The real The DG was last seen entering the Hunt Valley's abandoned Dennys, shortly before a band of lunatic fanatics, believed to be the renegade BoS, destroyed it. It has since been revealed that this Dennys was a secret headquarters of another band of lunatic fanatics calling themselves CWAL HV. I now believe that CWAL HV kidnapped The DirectorGeneral, and his 1970 Dodge Dart, in order to wrest from him the secret formula for ProSmac. He must have endured horrendous tortures these last weeks; The Sound of Music sound track, the comfy chair, the soft pillows, everything evil imaginable. Will this torture bend The DirectorGeneral to CWAL HV's will? (I think that is the first sentence I ever written with will on both ends.) Inquiring minds want to know. |
| DarkLight |
posted 12-07-98 05:35 PM ET
You like mega-death rays, DG? Then you will absolutely LOVE the Yamato Cannon. It focuses the force of a nuclear explosion into a coherent blast of energy and launches it at the target. End result: No more target. Very effective against large, powerful structures and vessels, and against smaller fighters stupid enough to fly in formations. |
| Victor Galis |
posted 12-07-98 07:38 PM ET
Somewhere in HV Victor: Since I am probably the most sane CWALer I must generate some popular support. (Moral of the story: When someone starts a rumor about you have your minions arrest him and ship him to Siberia) |
| Fjorxc the Maniac |
posted 12-08-98 07:33 PM ET
To The DG... Welcome aboard! That is all. |
| The DirectorGeneral |
posted 12-08-98 08:25 PM ET
SCENE: The parking lot which previously serviced the Hunt Valley Denny's. Where once the resturaunt stood, naught but a crater remains.... ( hmmmm, do I detect YYYH's gentle handiwork? ) However, despite the force of the blast and the abundance of debris it had thrown, a certain white 1970 Dodge Dart sits oddly unscathed mere feet from the lip of the crater.... It is just after dark, and all is seemingly peaceful in Hunt Valley. Fort Sid is locked down tight, CWAL is lying low, and the BoS is off dedicating a new branch of the I-club franchise somewhere. Suddenly, with the sound of 1000 cheesy flying cars from "the Jetsons" , a genuine flying saucer decends from the heavens! It does not land, but rather only pauses for a moment, a few dozen feet above the pavement. A iris valve opens in the bottom of the strange alien conveyance, and a body is thrown out rather unceremoniously. Then without hesitation, the disklike vessel shoots towards the heavens, the obnoxious sound effects fading in it's wake. The body, lean and bruised and still smoking in a few places from the unspeakable alien experiments conducted on it, lies motionless for some time.... Sometime before dawn however, the Director General rolls onto his back and curses the night sky. on his forehead are stamped <Version 3.71, rev. A>, <Quality assurance by inspector 5>, and <"Intel inside!"> " Oh man, I HATE when they do that.." the DG says to no one in particular as he drags himself over to his car. " they could have at least left my fedora with me." Shaking his fist at the sky, He shouts "Good hats ain't cheap, ya alien bastards!" and then promptly passes out, falling into the open door of The Dart. As he lies slumbering on the seat, the engine purrs to life and the car picks it way around the debris and out to the road, seeking the people that it's master had come to meet...... |
| jsorense |
posted 12-10-98 04:50 PM ET
IIIS Unorthodox Special Agent jsorense was awakened by the distinctive grinding sound of Dodge starter turning a V-8. The ignition caught with a throaty rumble. Scrambling out of his stealth base camp he reached his observation post just in time to se a pair of glowing tail-lights recede in the direction of the still formidable Fort Sid. "That's strange." jsorense thought to himself. "I didn't see anyone driving that car." Searching the area with super-duper night vision spy scopes, he sees a strange object resting on the cratered surface of a parking lot that was once adjacent to Hunt Valley's Denny's. Deciding to investigate he sneaks down trying to avoid detection from the powerful sensors on Fort Sid, homicidal BoS forces, and the secret cult that set up a temporary temple in the now obliterated Denny's. Reaching down jsorense picked up what was once an elegant felt fedora. Now, however, it looked like some savage beast had used it for a chew toy and then set it on fire; it was shredded with a thousand tiny cuts and singed around its tattered brim. Looking closer jsorense noticed two things: a tag that said "Property of The DirectorGeneral"; and a small piece of paper hidden in the sweatband. Could this be a clue to the mystery of the whereabouts of the missing IIIS Commandant? |
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