posted 09-29-98 05:48 PM ET        

If you're willing, please email the webmaster (or post) the following mini-discussion-group questionnaire thingy, or, if you don't like questionnaires, just type a paragraph telling us what you think...

What was your favorite episode/incident(s)?

What was your least favorite episode/incident(s)?

What's coolest about the story as a whole?

Where does it need improvement/What needs improving?

Has the story connected you to the game world?

Any other opinions? (Do you like coming to get the episodes each week? Are they too short/too long? Etc, etc)

Your answers will help if we include the story in the game manual, since we'll do a rewrite for the manual.

posted 09-29-98 05:57 PM ET            

My least favorite was where Deidre was in the Garden talkin to J Garland, sayin most of the plants survived

The whole story is cool

Yeah, a bit

posted 09-29-98 09:49 PM ET            

I suggest that you read "The Club of the Future" and "Club of the Future (II)" in General Comments. It discusses a fictional, different beginning to the SMAC story line, and it was just before the Unity launched that the story stopped getting updated. While the technology is too good and there are several other unuseabel parts, it has plenty of interesting plot twists that can be stolen for SMAC's earlier story line.

As for the story parts, I didn't like the scene in the greenhouse either. Santiago has also made some incredibly dumb comments too, like "Our situation is more unstable than I thought, but instability favors the strong." She just had made a dumb move in not guarding the weapons bay well, so now she is the hunted instead of the hunter. Doesn't she get that the crew is strong and the Spartans are weak? Also, why are the people sad in Episode 17 they have more time??? They were worried about not having enough time for the engineers to fix the drive, now they have more time and are sad.

posted 09-29-98 10:16 PM ET            

There is also no sense of NOW to the story,
instead you are left with the feeling that this will all mean something at some distant point in the future, which (while true!) makes it less than gripping. It also needs to be written directly from the point of view of the eight? main characters (focus on one per episode perhaps). As well, explainations of important relationships and even plot details are not given when they should be (why does Saratov dislike Skye? Does he hate the captain or not? What the hell was going on in Episode 19?)

Idea - kill the captain off as soon as possible. With him removed, the inertia should lift from the storyline and the real events can unfold. Do it quickly and quietly. He shouldn't have made past the first ten episodes.

posted 09-30-98 12:17 AM ET            

Actually, I don't have any favourite episode or character. The only problem is that the story is developing a bit slowly, ie the post is coming too slowly.

I am used to finishing a 400 pages novel in a day and so far, the story plot is only 30+ pages long but it's being a couple of months.

Well, the story line does connect me to the game, the question is how much of the story line will be woven into the beginning plot for the game. For example, whether the ship will crash or it will stay in one piece in orbit around the planet. The story line has not setup much for that yet...

posted 09-30-98 03:07 AM ET            

Does Brenda's tongue-in-cheek post about Garland's death count? I didn't think so... oh well. In that case, I think my favorite incident has to have been where the saboteurs
were spotted in the camera image of the meteorite strike on the Unity. It opened up a whole realm of questions and sparked the imagination like no other event in the story
to date.

>What was your least favorite episode/incident(s)?

Naturally the delay story has been my least favorite, although oddly enough I do still like it. But I like anything that gives rise to the possibility that AC will be an even better game when it comes out. But seriously, I think my least favorite event has been
a compilation of a lot of the stuff with the Spartans. They aren't my faction of choice, and while they are interesting in their own right, they've been heavily dominating the storyline for a while, with only the odd return to Garland and the crew. I'd rather
see some of these events through the eyes of Lal and Skye and Garland himself, instead of Santiago as has been happening.

>What's coolest about the story as a whole?

The sense of mystery. Who were the early-risers, and were they somehow connected to the damage of the Unity? I called them saboteurs above, but even that remains in question...

>Where does it need improvement/What needs improving?

We definitely need more insight into some of the other faction leaders. We've had a little bit with each of the ones who are currently awake, but Santiago at least *seems* to have gotten the most exposure. I'd really like to get to know some of the others too.

>Has the story connected you to the game world?

The game *world*? No...they haven't gotten to it yet. ;) The game *situation*, definitely. I'm getting a good sense of who the Spartans are, for certain, and some insight into the motivations of those who will lead the other factions. Along with a better look at these
other leaders, it might help to see more of the splintering of followers into their groups.

>Any other opinions? (Do you like coming to get the episodes each week? Are they too short/too long? Etc, etc)

posted 09-30-98 02:26 PM ET            

clearly the last one! Of course I ain't that happy about the delay ( but prefers that from a half finished game ) but the way our guys introduced the delay was brilliant.

Coolest about the story:

the plot.. the ship heading for the planet and the at the start seemingly united crew starts dividing.

Improvements:

i would like some longer stories.. some of them are a bit short. I also think that the spatan fraction is getting to much attention.. we don't really hear anything from the other fractions/leaders.

Story connected to game?

I think the story leads you well on the way into the story and universe of AC and make you feel a part of it: the things i'm thinking on here is the unity crew signup ( and the names of someone from the forums showing up ) and the last episode that really geives you a felling of being a part of it.

posted 09-30-98 02:57 PM ET            

I stopped reading when it became clear the senior crew members were all psychotic -- except for STBD(*) Captain Garland. The purpose of the story was to introduce the faction leaders and make them so extreme in their positions that they'd be recognizably different from each other. I just don't like stories where the people don't act like real people might...

Also, the plot was pretty formula, with some gaping holes -- and not only the one in the side of the Unity. For instance... no shield against collisions? And for a craft traveling at a significant fraction of light speed at that? Even random subatomic particles would become killers! A rock in space that could actually be seen (by the cameras before collision) would probably have destroyed the entire ship upon impact, just from kinetic energy alone.

Anyway, that's just picking nits. As background for the faction leaders, it's fine.

>What was your favorite episode/incident(s)?
The one I was in!

>What was your least favorite episode/incident(s)?
When Santiago started her armed insurrection.

>What's coolest about the story as a whole?
The cryo-units... (^_^)

>Where does it need improvement/What needs improving?
It needs more details as to why the crew is insane, or how they got on the crew even given their problems. Just a for instance: could the senior crew have been shanghaied by these newcomers, who might have been united as part of a Abandon Earth movement back home, but the pressures of the actual voyage fractured the alliances made back on Earth? Like all the special-interest groups in politics uniting for awhile to support a candidate they like, then dissolving right after the election, even to the point of stabbing their favorite candidate in the back later?

>Has the story connected you to the game world?
Well, it's explained what the factions are and do, but then, so would a paragraph about each government type.

>Any other opinions? (Do you like coming to get the episodes each week? Are they too short/too long? Etc, etc)
Hmmmm.... I dunno.

posted 10-02-98 02:05 PM ET            

I found the explanation for the delay to be a little "cheesy" and explained away too quickly. Something using dialog like:

Garland: "Saratov, haven't you run you test yet?"
Saratov: "Yes, why?"
G: "The ETA hasn't changed. I thought you said the test was a success and had slowed the ship some?"
S: "Yes, it should have. Just a sec." Saratov fiddles... "There, now it is correct. I don't know how I could have overlooked that recalibration."

To echo what some others have said:
- too much emphasis on Santiago/Spartans. Whatever happened to Yang? Is Deirdre doing anything other than staring out windows? Is Lal taking a nap in the command module?
- More dialog, less description. I think some more heated debates between the faction leaders would help convey their ideas better.
- Twice a week story updates would be nice. :) Each story can keep about the same length.
- don't really have any particular favorite episode.
- put some emphasis on the minions. why are they following their leaders, who are they, etc? Is Saratov only followed by the engineers, and do all the engineers follow Saratov?
- the story does a lot to explain the initial situation. Connecting me to the game world, I dunno. Setting up the starting positions, yes.

posted 10-02-98 02:41 PM ET            

Quit focusing on Santiago, it gets boring and annoying. Unless you are expecting the game to begin with all the factions at war with the Spartans, I think you should settle a peace between them and the other members. Santiago is not stupid, I think she just need to know the situation better. You should make her get a meeting with Saratov and Garland and make her realize the problem. After that, she could help in some way to repair the ship (just by helping the engineers in their work with her high sense of teamwork and efficiency...that could be good). That way, the game would begin with all factions at peace with each other.

Get Morgan out of cryo as soon as possible. We want to know him!

Other suggestion, the ship should get in orbit of Chiron as soon as possible. I dont expect the factions to get on the planet the first day they are there! They will have to scan the surface for informations and decide where to land. That could be long (especially when Santiago argue that they have better chance of surviving if they split...and Lal Pravin insist on keeping the group united...). You cant just make them arrive and land in the same episode! You have to spend a couple of episodes on that.

And about the site in general :
- I would like to see a description of the MindWorms with a screenshot. (just like a member of a faction) That could be really nice. We begin to know each factions, but we know pratically nothing of Chiron and the alien life. Ok, it doesnt fit in the story context, but that would be cool anyway.

- Other wallpapers would be appreciated too.

posted 10-05-98 04:41 PM ET            

The story is a bit fragmented. I find it difficult to jump into the story time and again. I often have to ask myself who is talking and what are they doing. Time, place and identity are often unstated causing confusion and disinterest.

A few suggestions:

1) Keep the story continuos from one episode to another. If we end one episode in the command room start the next one there. Don't assume I remember what was happening 2 weeks ago.

2) Instead of presenting one linear story, break it up into a number of different narratives. There are 7 factions, why not carry over the metaphor and faction the story as well? For instance, each leader can have their own story-line. Even if all Deirdre did this time is kick back in the garden, it would be fun to use this time to explore future-techs and build a more complete psychological profile.

I'll try some analysis of the story as it stands right now.

The story begins in a dark, mysterious and unexplored situation. There is a lot of "what is going on" being whispered in the shadows. As the POV reaches a more alert state the reader is kept somewhat in the dark. We are still asking, "what is going on." Although this is an excellent way to start the story, there should have been a general understanding constructed by this point. The reader's sense of the story's surroundings followed in metaphor the awakening from cyrosleep in deep space. The reader, by now, should have a basic understanding of or familiarity with a narrator or timeline. The log entries are an excelent example of this working, but they do not play a big enough (or early enough) role.

The preservation of the mysterious feeling might demonstrate the difficulty in writing a fictional future-history. The challenge of claiming scientific speculation as established truth is made even more difficult by the proposed social-political situation. It is one thing to say that the idea of society has changed but it is yet a different challenge to make that change work in a story that we can follow clearly. Mastery of this technique gets your novel published. Failure results in confusion and reader tension. There is no middle ground, only moments of both extremes.

The darkness of the story becomes overwhelming. The ship is dark, communications are brief and undetailed, characters are unexplored and reserved, motives are left unexplained even when the actions that caused them happened (reader) months ago. There is not one character or moment that stands out as a brightly lit fact. Garland represents the best candidate for this illumination but we see and hear from him too rarely.

The semi-omniscient POV tells the story in a slide show of unconnected images. There is a lack of a consistent narration, whether reliable or not. Just who is telling this story? If it is not a character then why is the narration so limited. Although there is much to be about the connections between this style of narration and the situation of deep space travel, there must be some understood basis on which these connections can work.

I enjoy reading the stories every week, I just wish that they were a bit easier to re-understand. I would like to see longer stories that follow the narration of a single event to its end. Each new episode should present a new problem and approach its resolution (like a sit com, to use a sorry example). For example, the fusion test should have been finished a week or two, the negotiations could also have been a one week thing.

posted 10-05-98 05:30 PM ET            

So, here it is...
Favorite Episode : number 20.

posted 10-05-98 08:11 PM ET            

As for the most recent episode, I have some serious qualms about parts. First of all, why'd Santiago only leave one guard? Because if she left more, the plot wouldn't work. That's understandable, there will always be a few bizarre occurrences to make the plot work in any book, but... didn't Santiago already mess up by not guarding the weapons bay adequately? And isn't Santiago a survivalist, who wouldn't make dumb rookie mistakes like that (considering she knew about Yang's "powers")? I can see it happening once, but she'd be on double guard afterwards and be careful not to mess up. The one plausible explanation I see for this is that Santiago is lying, the Spartans really only have about 10 people woken up so far not the 50 or 100 they claim. But if I was in that kind of disadvantage, I'd keep my whole force moving, i.e. have all 10 people move everywhere together, taking Yang and weapons with them, while destroying all the weapons they can't carry in the weapons bay (scorched earth- if I can't have it you can't either).

posted 10-06-98 05:21 AM ET            

The first episode was the best, no-one knew what was going on and the best incident was Santiago killing that engineer, showed her softer side. :)

What was your least favorite episode/incident(s)?

20 part 2, dead Spartans? how unrealistic. I don't like the crazy hypnotic mind powers and Santiago would have to be crazy to leave just 1 guard, oh yeah I forgot she is.
20 part 1 was good though.

What's coolest about the story as a whole?

Having a story at all is cool enough. I'm assuming someone at FIRAXIS just writes it in their spare time (you Mike?) and it's good fun for them to write and us to read. Thanks!

Where does it need improvement/What needs improving?

I think the story seems to have lost a bit of direction. The first few episodes had a bit of suspense and tension which I haven't felt with the recent episodes. Until 20 which I do like even though a Spartan reaps it.

(Can you make it be Michael Hefferan in the Cryocell? Or Mike Hefferan? Even if it's an alias? Come on, Santiago likes having me around, I make her laugh and I'm a great fighter. I got them onto the Unity* they are bound to have taken me and I would be hidden away.... what do you mean it's going to be Morgan? Bugger. Wouldn't it be ironic if Morgan used my name as an alias. *see Club of the future)

Has the story connected you to the game world?

Yes, but not as much as writing my own stuff in the Chronicles. In fact the story probably inspired me to do that so thanks.

Any other opinions? (Do you like coming to get the episodes each week? Are they too short/too long? Etc, etc)

I think the 2 part episodes are a good length. I feel a bit dissapointed with the short episodes, it's a bit of a let down when you have been waiting all week. I do like getting them each week, even if I don't normally see them 'till Tuesday because of the time differences.

BTW I don't like Thomas' ideas about press releases and talks to their faction about their ideals. It is better to let their actions do the talking as you have been. We've picked up a lot about the carachters already:

Captain KENNETH Garland is a complete wimp who is going to die (STBD did Brenda call it? We used to play the same game at Uni but it was more of a race to see who could spot them 1st.)

Santiago is cool, intelligent, sophisticated, ruthless, mad as a hatter, foxy and thinks her troops are so good that she can leave them on their own to get picked off 1 by 1.

Yang is a calm, collected, psychic, psychotic, ninja who killed his Spartan guard even though he could just have left her alive and escaped. He thinks he is good but really he's going to get killed by Santiago next episode. (OK he's not but I can dream)

Thanks MikeE. (BTW Good name! You can always tell someone is going to be cool if they are called Mike. :) ) I hope my gibber helped in some way. I'll shut up now.

posted 10-06-98 08:47 AM ET            

> "Really?" Dana looked up, her interest
> piqued. "How are her vitals?"

and

>"Hand me your stylus," cut in Dana.
> Cassiano extended it to him reflexively
> and Dana took it. "Now be quiet for one
> moment."

You've got "her interest" and "to him".

Other than that little goof this is possibly the best installment. Yeah, the bit with Yang is stretching things a little, but the pacing, dialog and length of everything else is good so I can live with it.

So, do I get a mention as a live character for spotting the mistake? :)

posted 10-06-98 09:13 AM ET            

Favorite episode: # 19 & 20, I liked how the team at Firaxis worked the release date annoucement into the story

Least Favorite Episode: # 9 I found this one very confusing.

Coolest about the story: The technology that is being descibed- shedder pistols, cyrocells

Improvements: I find that before I read a new episode, I have to go back and read last weeks story. the story is not unfolding quick enough for me. I lose track of what has happened previously. I agree with osmanthus that it develops too slowly.
I (like others here) would like to see more members of this forum used in the story. I think this would connect us more to the story and really make us feel like Unity "crew members"

Does story connect me to the game: Not at first it didn't, but I would have to say that is changed lately. I like to think that all of our imput has helped Firaxis with development of SMAC.

posted 10-06-98 03:50 PM ET            

Enough with Santiago's silliness, how bout Yang's sending the message from Anakkala's messager implying she executed Yang? While shooting the face might hide the identity of the dead body temporarily, why is "Yang" in Anakkala's uniform? And if Yang stole it and put his own clothes on her, how come they aren't spattered with blood? Okay, maybe he spread some from elsewhere. Now he has blood-soaked hands to explain if he walks around. Plus, a quick autopsy would reveal it was Anakkala's blood smeared on her, and even inspection would reveal, um, Yang missing a certain body part. What does Yang hope to gain from this weak deception? It surely won't work for more than 1 minute after they find the body. And it only alerts the Spartans to check out Yang's prison, making the discovery of his escape only come quicker.

Also, if you need a pro-science Believer turned Gaian with UoP leanings, you know where to put P. Ingraham in the story. I'd be happy to take anything though, and if you modeled a character after my persona in the Club of the Future that would be good also... though we had a higher level of technology there than what we were "supposed" to have before we left Earth. Still, I realize there's a line, so make sure you include MikeH before me...

posted 10-10-98 06:11 PM ET            

Thanks again for taking time to help us make a better product!

posted 10-13-98 11:35 AM ET            

So, what has Santiago been doing for the last two weeks..?

posted 10-19-98 05:15 AM ET            

(I know, it sure seems a bit like overdoing it, to lengthen someone's name...) :)

posted 10-19-98 10:42 AM ET            

Are there many Canadians of Scottish descent? Oh yeah. Remember that Canada was a British (and French) colony. I'm not of completely Scottish background. I've got an equal amount of Irish and even some British (distantly related to Capt. Bligh).

A Canadian phone book probably looks a lot like a British phone book, except that we may have more oriental people. (May have more "ethnic" people in general, not sure how Britain is doing in the immigration department. Judging by the TV shows they export (BBC Mysteries like Prime Suspect) they have a ways to go before they catch up to us. :)