(humour) What else could the Morgans use those spy lamps for...?

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Author Topic:   (humour) What else could the Morgans use those spy lamps for...?

Elemental posted 08-22-99 05:48 PM ET
Just a thought � in the new Alien Crossfire expansion pack storyline, the Morgans use full spectrum lamps during the Churn as a handy means of espionage. But what else could they use the lamps for, we wonder�?
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
�Damn these lamps! Can�t we get any more?� exclaimed Santiago to one of her assistants. Santiago paced along, studying a computer notepad where she was carefully writing out the lyrics to another defamatory song about Deirdre.
�Well, uh, we ordered more from Morgan, but they�re taking some time to get here. To increase efficiency, we placed the full spectrum lamps in the areas where they�ve been requested most.�
Santiago tapped a number on her notepad. �Efficiency up to +1� she wrote, pleased. �Lieutenant � what do you think of hacking the UN computers to change all these social settings?�
�Colonel! That would be cheating,� said her assistant, shocked. �After all, what point would there be in playing the game?�
�This isn�t a game, Lieutenant! This is life and death.� The Colonel fell silent for a second, mulling something over in her head. �What rhymes with switch?�
�Stitch? Witch? Bi-�
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The video feed fizzled out. The Morgan tech operating the projector equipment said, �This is just a demonstration of the spying capabilities of the lamps. Sir?� The tech looked over to CEO Nwabudike Morgan.
Morgan sat, with his fingers steepled, at the head of the board table. This was the sort of thing he lived for as an industrialist. He�d just been given the perfect introduction by the blissfully ignorant Santiago.
�Gentlemen. I�m pleased to announce that our profits will be increasing by 30% within the next month. All of this is due to the sale of our full spectrum lamps.�
Morgan stood up, hoping that no-one would see the cushions piled on his seat. The twenty-second century, he thought bitterly, and still there wasn�t a cure for haemorrhoids.
�With the recent Churn, all the factions have been staying indoors or underground, necessitating the purchase of our lamps. It will be some time yet before they can reverse-engineer them to create their own. Moreover, we have been able to use these lamps for espionage purposes, boosting our Probe Team score to +4.�
He paced around his assembled directors, who were eagerly following every word.
�But this isn�t where our increase in profits will be coming from. Not at all. The creators of the full-spectrum lamps had envisaged that they would be used only for large open spaces, but it is apparent that other factions have discovered more� practical uses.�
Morgan let them think about this for a while.
�They use the lamps for tanning. Yes, you heard correctly. Tanning, in saunas. Only our full-spectrum lamps can produce a perfect natural looking full body tan. Bearing in mind that Every, Single, Lamp,� he said, emphasising every word, �contains a broadcast quality camera, I unveil to you the new improved Morgan Adult Entertainment Network!�
He clicked a button on a controller in his pocket, waving his arms with a flourish. Screen after screen of wall-sized LCD panels flared to brightness across the room. Dozens, scores, hundreds of naked women appeared on the different screens.
�We have feeds from the Spartans, the Hive, the Peacekeepers, and of course, our favourites, the Gaians. I can tell you now, I have seen the video feeds from the Gaian cameras and we will be able to charge premium rates for them. Deirdre alone� well, you�ll have to see for yourselves.� Morgan smiled down evilly at the assembled directors, who were practically drooling.
One of the directors raised his hand. �What about the University? Don�t we have video feeds from there?�
�Are you crazy, man? We don�t want to put people off with disgusting images of computer nerds!�
Finally returning to his seat, Morgan commanded the full attention of the directors. �The Churn has forced all the factions down into their underground holes, including ours. Morale has plummeted worldwide. But from today, Morgan citizens will have no need for low spirits! As you will soon discover, there is nothing better for the ills of man than to see Lady Deirdre Skye in her natural state��
Rakeesh posted 08-24-99 12:39 PM ET
::doing his monty burns impression::
Excellent!
sandworm posted 08-24-99 12:52 PM ET
So now we'll really find out...
Is Deidre naked?
Of course, there's a fee involved.
MajiK6pt5 posted 08-24-99 10:51 PM ET
hehehehe...funny!
warg posted 08-25-99 04:50 AM ET
Yes put some of them in the tree farm and see if see REALLY dances naked through the trees(live internet feed ofcourse)
Rakeesh posted 08-25-99 06:42 PM ET
Top news story:
Lady Deidre of the Gaians has undergone corrective surgeory to prevent her from thinking she can dance THROUGH the trees. This will prevent future idiotic ideas originating from head trauma.
Shining1 posted 08-26-99 03:55 AM ET
Full marks, and a bonus +1 Planet if you can prove conclusively that you aren't Resource Consumer.
Univarse9 posted 08-28-99 10:44 AM ET
Second news Story: Emergency feed
While unpacking a synthmetal crate, a University engineer accidentally drops one of the lamps, causing it to break open. When he noticed there was a 27mm 360degree camera inside, it was sent to the labs for testing. It appears the data is fed directly to a Morgan base, but we are currently unable to locate its exact destination. As to what they were for, the military has multiple theories.
Wolf Dreamer posted 08-28-99 11:18 PM ET
Very nice.
Very nice indeed.
With all the fake nude images of celebrities around, I wonder why no one has pasted Lady Deirdre Skye's head on a nude body yet.
Update:
Academician Zakharov has reported a massive drop in scientific research and productivity do to fact that all of his followers spend all day watching Deirdre dancing naked through her private woods, and cursing at the gardener for not prunning back the hedges more near the waterfall.
Sister Miraim has ordered that all of her followers be chemically castrated to keep them from having impure thoughts about her enemy while they try to find a way to censor the unholy images from getting through the datalinks.
After years of constant nerve stapling, most of the Hive have lost the desire and the ability to....
Morgan has seen his profits dramatically increase from the sales of cloning vats, after someone spread a rumor that they came with a sample of Lady Deirdre Skye DNA.
sandworm posted 08-29-99 02:01 AM ET
Although University research has taken a hit, access to Morgan Telcom's "Deidrevision" has had the same effect as having a children's creche in all univerity bases. Citizen morale and population growth are at an all time high.
Industrial centers all over Planet have been hit by a recent wave of "sick-outs" causing overall productivity to decline.
********************************
Deidrevision...
I want my DTV!
Univarse9 posted 08-29-99 10:45 AM ET
Unfortunately just at this time, the ASCENT TO TRANSCENDANCE begins, causing power throughout all cities to shut down for about 25.671233405minutes. During this time, there was a worldwide riot, demanding immediate restoral of Deirdrevision, and lots and lots of violence.
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Author	Topic: (humour) What else could the Morgans use those spy lamps for...?
Elemental	posted 08-22-99 05:48 PM ET Just a thought � in the new Alien Crossfire expansion pack storyline, the Morgans use full spectrum lamps during the Churn as a handy means of espionage. But what else could they use the lamps for, we wonder�? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= �Damn these lamps! Can�t we get any more?� exclaimed Santiago to one of her assistants. Santiago paced along, studying a computer notepad where she was carefully writing out the lyrics to another defamatory song about Deirdre. �Well, uh, we ordered more from Morgan, but they�re taking some time to get here. To increase efficiency, we placed the full spectrum lamps in the areas where they�ve been requested most.� Santiago tapped a number on her notepad. �Efficiency up to +1� she wrote, pleased. �Lieutenant � what do you think of hacking the UN computers to change all these social settings?� �Colonel! That would be cheating,� said her assistant, shocked. �After all, what point would there be in playing the game?� �This isn�t a game, Lieutenant! This is life and death.� The Colonel fell silent for a second, mulling something over in her head. �What rhymes with switch?� �Stitch? Witch? Bi-� =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The video feed fizzled out. The Morgan tech operating the projector equipment said, �This is just a demonstration of the spying capabilities of the lamps. Sir?� The tech looked over to CEO Nwabudike Morgan. Morgan sat, with his fingers steepled, at the head of the board table. This was the sort of thing he lived for as an industrialist. He�d just been given the perfect introduction by the blissfully ignorant Santiago. �Gentlemen. I�m pleased to announce that our profits will be increasing by 30% within the next month. All of this is due to the sale of our full spectrum lamps.� Morgan stood up, hoping that no-one would see the cushions piled on his seat. The twenty-second century, he thought bitterly, and still there wasn�t a cure for haemorrhoids. �With the recent Churn, all the factions have been staying indoors or underground, necessitating the purchase of our lamps. It will be some time yet before they can reverse-engineer them to create their own. Moreover, we have been able to use these lamps for espionage purposes, boosting our Probe Team score to +4.� He paced around his assembled directors, who were eagerly following every word. �But this isn�t where our increase in profits will be coming from. Not at all. The creators of the full-spectrum lamps had envisaged that they would be used only for large open spaces, but it is apparent that other factions have discovered more� practical uses.� Morgan let them think about this for a while. �They use the lamps for tanning. Yes, you heard correctly. Tanning, in saunas. Only our full-spectrum lamps can produce a perfect natural looking full body tan. Bearing in mind that Every, Single, Lamp,� he said, emphasising every word, �contains a broadcast quality camera, I unveil to you the new improved Morgan Adult Entertainment Network!� He clicked a button on a controller in his pocket, waving his arms with a flourish. Screen after screen of wall-sized LCD panels flared to brightness across the room. Dozens, scores, hundreds of naked women appeared on the different screens. �We have feeds from the Spartans, the Hive, the Peacekeepers, and of course, our favourites, the Gaians. I can tell you now, I have seen the video feeds from the Gaian cameras and we will be able to charge premium rates for them. Deirdre alone� well, you�ll have to see for yourselves.� Morgan smiled down evilly at the assembled directors, who were practically drooling. One of the directors raised his hand. �What about the University? Don�t we have video feeds from there?� �Are you crazy, man? We don�t want to put people off with disgusting images of computer nerds!� Finally returning to his seat, Morgan commanded the full attention of the directors. �The Churn has forced all the factions down into their underground holes, including ours. Morale has plummeted worldwide. But from today, Morgan citizens will have no need for low spirits! As you will soon discover, there is nothing better for the ills of man than to see Lady Deirdre Skye in her natural state��
Rakeesh	posted 08-24-99 12:39 PM ET ::doing his monty burns impression:: Excellent!
sandworm	posted 08-24-99 12:52 PM ET So now we'll really find out... Is Deidre naked? Of course, there's a fee involved.
MajiK6pt5	posted 08-24-99 10:51 PM ET hehehehe...funny!
warg	posted 08-25-99 04:50 AM ET Yes put some of them in the tree farm and see if see REALLY dances naked through the trees(live internet feed ofcourse)
Rakeesh	posted 08-25-99 06:42 PM ET Top news story: Lady Deidre of the Gaians has undergone corrective surgeory to prevent her from thinking she can dance THROUGH the trees. This will prevent future idiotic ideas originating from head trauma.
Shining1	posted 08-26-99 03:55 AM ET Full marks, and a bonus +1 Planet if you can prove conclusively that you aren't Resource Consumer.
Univarse9	posted 08-28-99 10:44 AM ET Second news Story: Emergency feed While unpacking a synthmetal crate, a University engineer accidentally drops one of the lamps, causing it to break open. When he noticed there was a 27mm 360degree camera inside, it was sent to the labs for testing. It appears the data is fed directly to a Morgan base, but we are currently unable to locate its exact destination. As to what they were for, the military has multiple theories.
Wolf Dreamer	posted 08-28-99 11:18 PM ET Very nice. Very nice indeed. With all the fake nude images of celebrities around, I wonder why no one has pasted Lady Deirdre Skye's head on a nude body yet. Update: Academician Zakharov has reported a massive drop in scientific research and productivity do to fact that all of his followers spend all day watching Deirdre dancing naked through her private woods, and cursing at the gardener for not prunning back the hedges more near the waterfall. Sister Miraim has ordered that all of her followers be chemically castrated to keep them from having impure thoughts about her enemy while they try to find a way to censor the unholy images from getting through the datalinks. After years of constant nerve stapling, most of the Hive have lost the desire and the ability to.... Morgan has seen his profits dramatically increase from the sales of cloning vats, after someone spread a rumor that they came with a sample of Lady Deirdre Skye DNA.
sandworm	posted 08-29-99 02:01 AM ET Although University research has taken a hit, access to Morgan Telcom's "Deidrevision" has had the same effect as having a children's creche in all univerity bases. Citizen morale and population growth are at an all time high. Industrial centers all over Planet have been hit by a recent wave of "sick-outs" causing overall productivity to decline. ******************************** Deidrevision... I want my DTV!
Univarse9	posted 08-29-99 10:45 AM ET Unfortunately just at this time, the ASCENT TO TRANSCENDANCE begins, causing power throughout all cities to shut down for about 25.671233405minutes. During this time, there was a worldwide riot, demanding immediate restoral of Deirdrevision, and lots and lots of violence.